Firstly, sorry I haven't been a very active poster or replier!!! I do read lots of the posts though and I feel a lot of support just by doing this and knowing there is others who share a lot with me. I have read lots of posts on "attachments with therapists" so I know many have similar issues. This is my first experience of seeing a t, who I have been seeing for nearly 2 years. In my life, I have a great family and close supportive friends, but I have never confided in anyone like I have T.(something I never thought I would do). Over time I have become very attached to her, although I don't know what I see her as....not mother, not friend.....I don't know!! Lately, I have found myself wanting to end therapy and just get the enevitable over and done with. She is aware of this, but not why, and I don't think I could tell her. I'm trying to distance myself from her in preparation for the time when I don't see her any more. How do you deal with this......just cutting somebody completely out of your life? Someone who knows more about the inner you than anybody else on earth!! I'm dreading the end, but in some ways just want it over!. I hope some of you can share your experiences of this with me. Thanks heaps.

[SecretGarden]

I wonder if you are just getting to some deep stuff and wish to avoid it by cutting off the relationship with your T. Sometimes we can move forward and allow the trust or we can run away. This could be a time of growth. You sound like you may be wishing to leave because you are becoming uneasy with your self disclosure. Could it be?

Also, since you are thinking of ending therapy anyway, why not go ahead and tell her about how you feel and what's going on with the attachment issue with you? It's a great therapy topic and it's troubling you at the moment.

I'll just add to the two good posts above me, that if you truly decide to leave, do it gradually. Go down to every other week etc.

Keep us posted.

Petunia

[withit]

Kindergirl, seems like you have a good relationship with your t.....I'm unclear as to why you want to end the relationship...and if you do end it why the need to distance?....Also, what do you do in terms of distancing? Do you self-disclose less? Has something happened bet. the two of you that has made you less trusting of her? I've so many questions.....just trying to gain clarity so that I can understand you better....
Take gentle care,

[RACEKA]

As you probably read my prior posts, I am having the same problem. I'm not at the end yet, but everytime it is brought up I go into a deep depression. This is my first experience with a T too.

We have a great relationship, I can't imagine not seeing him again. I thought about running now too, but that's not going to help me. Maybe when I take it down to less sessions, it won't be so bad.

I don't know why I can't stay as long as I want to. I'm paying for it.

Does anyone know why?

I have often thought of ending therapy on 'my terms' to avoid rejection. Not that my T would just randomly terminate me, but my unconscious does not know that. I feel like ending on my terms would save me from getting hurt. Do it before I get attached. Well, that was my initial plan, but now it's been 2 years and I'm attached as hell, so that blew up in my face, lol.... but anyway, what I'm saying is.... just make sure you do it for the right reasons, and most importantly..........talk about this with your T!

[SecretGarden]

Sorry Pink... but you are going to be a T. Two years and change ain't gonna do it.

I consider quitting from time to time... (like who am I kidding) but continue to think we must be on the crest of something big. Of course that could be my excuse...lol

[lauren_helene]

Kindergirl, it does seem like you are connecting with your T. Don't bail just yet!

[Hopefull]

I have been having the same issues. I have told T of my discomfort with the fact that I have known her for over a year. She says that I am doing better. I have not seen her for a month and haven't missed her much. I used to cry if I couldn't see her and then lose my focus. I keep wondering if I might make my appointments once every three weeks instead of once every other week like when I started with T. However, I haven't mentioned it to T but I suspect she would not be opposed since she keeps bringing up the cost of co-pays and saying that I am doing better. She even said that she told previous T that I am doing better. I think she is pushing a bit for a closure soon too. If you are thinking about leaving, I would talk with T and look to see if your goals have been completed. How long do you go in between appointments and how does that effect you? I remember a time when a month without T made my focus real bad. Now, I seem to have normal focus even after a month without T. However, I still don't have the crying in control which is why I think I still need her for now.
As for self-disclosure, I am sharing more and more with her. I just seem to be doing more of the work by journalling rather than talking to her about it all. Is that the case with you?

thank you all for your replies and advice. I've been thinking some more about all this, and yes, some of the really deep issues have been spoken about recently. It took me a year to disclose anything at all to her, so the whole process has been very much a struggle, although in some ways a relief. Disclosing anything at all is so incredibly hard for me and I find I can't look her in the eye for the whole session. In some ways, I feel like I've let myself down now that I have no longer kept the secrets to myself. She lives in the same town and I'm terrified that I will bump into some day. It feels awful that somebody else knows my darkest and inner most secrets! I just feel like running away from the whole therapy thing, although I know that probably isnt the right thing to do. I feel like I cant do it any more, but I cant do without it either ! I do journal a lot and I have shared some of this with t on occasion. I just feel so churned up about all this and really don't know what to do for the best any more. Do you think I should try taking a break for a while and go back in a few months....I don't know. Thanks again everybody.....

Kinder.. what would taking a break mean to you?

Are you trying to distance from her, distance from a topic? I was trying to do both of the above. Instead, I found that I had a weak interpersonal skill where I wasnt voicing the pace I needed to move in therapy. So sometimes if I said, I would not like to talk about x this week, we could talk about something else and I wouldnt have to distance.

Now for the distancing from her. I had to view that as being productive for therapy. Its still hard and so i dont have any insights.

best of luck

ok, didn't wanna have to whip this one out, but i'm gonna have to, hahahaha.... i recently (for the 1st time) disclosed a bunch of sex-related stuff to my (male) t. at first, i wanted to die. i wanted to run out of there and never come back because i didn't know if i could deal with the fact that he knew stuff like that about me, and i would have to face him each week. then i realized... if i can't tell him, who can i tell? rather than shame and embarassment, i began to feel comfort in the fact that i can tell him this sh** and it's okay-- he's going to sit with it, we are going to figure it out together. believe me, i am not saying it's not hard. i want to tell him more stuff, but i take my time-- what i am saying is, do you think it is possible that you can find comfort in the fact that you have shared so much with your t?

[Perna]

kindergirl, I was in therapy 9 years and then terminated, both my T and me deciding to and it was a different experience than what you are imagining now, before you are "ready" to terminate. The bond changes over therapy and isn't as "strong" as it seems now as you "fix" stuff and get better.

Remember when you were a kid and went to the beach and ran into the water and couldn't understand why the adults wanted to stay lying on the beach? It's like that; at the true time to terminate therapy, you understand "sunbathing" and don't have to run in the water first thing, tear open your Christmas or birthday presents at 6:00 a.m., eat the ice cream and cake first, etc. but can wait until you've got coffee and are a bit more awake :-) and have had the nice birthday meal. You still "like" the water and opening presents but aren't so "obsessive" about it, have more experience/broader point of view so there's lots of things to see/do and aren't so "focused" on T and therapy.

[RACEKA]

Thanks Perna that was helpful. I've been crying for days now knowing one day my therapy will be over. Just hearing his voice calms me.

I've told my male T everything. He knows my sex life. He knows if I liked it or not. He knows my teenage sex life.

It's like a confession for me. It's no longer my secret.

I hope when termination gets close I will be able to handle better than I am doing now.

A few months ago I could'nt cry. Now everything makes me cry. He calls it healing. I call it enough now!