why I started Therapy.

I've read a couple of threads here questioning "why therapy" or somthing similar, and it got me thinking why I entered therapy.

Well I can't "name" the reason exactly but I know my quest for sanity begun many yrs before I finally found therapy. It begun with my first alcoholic drink aged 15, my suicide attempts aged 18, my first required physch appointment where the guy didn't have a clue, asked me If I could stop drinking for 2 weeks then come back and see him again.

I did this, I returned to see him again hoping for this "cure" for what I dont know, and he let me down, he told me it was good that I had managed to stop drinking for 2weeks and we chatted about a few things and that was that.

Needless to say he'd forgot to take into account that though I could stop drinking, I couldn't stay stopped. But I guess I had just wasted his time.

Speed forward a few yrs and the same excercise got repeated, drunkeness, lost jobs, violence and back in a hospital bed and yet again see a physch and was told that I had a chemical addiction and should inform my GP about this.

Repeat this behaviour so many times and finally after yrs and yrs I awake on morning realising that If I don't stop drinking, my life will continue exactly as it is, the pain, the maddness, and I find AA, in AA a lady tells me about a treatment centre, I attend the treatment prog where I also recieve 1 on 1 counselling, the counsellor seemed very nice, she even sent me a poem she had written because she wanted me to see that my feelings weren't alien, she had them too.

Then one day in treatment I verbaally go mad, I scream at the counsellor because he is lecturing how we must trust what long time sober members in AA tell us. Well my head is screaming, THIS IS WRONG!!!the counsellor looses his temper with me, and then realises he let me get to him in a session in front of others and to safe face asks me to stay behind to talk.

We talk, he mentions about me being an adult adoptee and says i have an attachment disorder and says that it is apparent by just looking at me that the 1 on 1 counselling has done nothing what so ever to help me and says leave it to him he will get me some phone numbers of someone that deals with adoption.

He does keep his word, he says it was hard finding someone that deals with adult adoptee issues, adult attachment disorder gets called Bordlerline personlity Disorder but there are differences, anyway he gives me a phone number of a lady to ring, he says shes private, but his not sure of my financial situation but to phone her anyway.

I ring her, she arranges a time to meet, we meet, I remember sitting almost curled up in the corner with images of monsters coming out of my head, I had never felt as much emtional pain as I did at this time in my life, no alcohol to medicate the pain and it was badddddddddddddd I would walk along the street ready to run out in front of a bus, or I'd sit in tube stations daring myself to jump, my hope was dwindling very very fast.

That was 2 half yrs ago, I think my life has changed 360 degrees, I just knew inside I needed some sort of outside help, I had no way to do that by myself. My way hadn't worked, the drinking the pain away hadn't worked. I didn't know life could become a pleasure, I JUST DIDN'T KNOW THIS, I know this more now!

My fantasy was once, sitting with the park alkies, I really envied them at one point, my pain was so bad that I wanted to just drink all day and all night, I believed they had found a way to deal with the pain, I know now they haven't, I have found the way to deal with the pain and is working.

Thats why I started therapy, not to help me decide what colour to dedcorate my home, but to save my frigging life.

Thankyou for sharing that mouse.

Mouse, you are so brave to bare your soul.....

Thank you.

I am not so brave yet, but one day I will share my story. its still too raw.

(((((Mouse))))))

I totally understand. You may have already read some of my posts this week so I'll be brief. I started therapy over a year ago to help my son. I ended up admitting to the T that I had a pot addiction. I've been using for over 30 years. He has been helping me recover from that. He pursuaded me to join the N/A fellowship.

Now I'm dealing with all the underlying issues I didn't deal with in the past. I've told T everything about me. It's all been ok. Just this week I've been going through some deep emotional pain. I don't know what to do with it. I am very self destructive. I didn't do anything to hurt myself, expept I haven't been eating much.

I've reached out to my family Dr., I called my T and talked to him, which I never do in between sessions. He's glad I called because it shows I'm reaching out for help, which I also never have done. Just hearing his voice comforted me. I got together with my sponsor and finally told her everything about me. Trust for me is a leap of faith. She understood everything and it was ok.

I still miss my T. I see him weekly and it's a long time between session. Especially this week. He makes me feel important and treats me like a worthwile human. I've been abused all of my life so I didn't know what that felt like. He saved my life. I feel I have something other people don't have and they can't take it from me and I don't want to ever let it go.

((((((((((((((((((((((mouse)))))))))))))))))))))

thank you for sharing ...

Wow what an intense post mouse. Thank you for sharing so much!!!

I entered therapy because my relationships were falling apart for the same reason over and over. That reason being that I couldn't figure out how to be close to people. I would want to be in a strong connection with them but would always still hold them at arm's length. Again and again I'd be in a relationship and feel like I barely knew the other person -- you know, like they were just some nice person that I happened to sleep with. No real feeling of bonding. I was that way with my friends too, not just lovers.

So that's what I work on in therapy! Thankfully my therapist has had a lot of insight and clues about this stuff, and my life is improving greatly because of it.

Since starting therapy, I've also found that I deal with a lot of other issues that actually had nothing to do with the reason I entered therapy to begin with. Stuff I never talked about but am finding it's helpful to discuss. I love therapy.

Thanks again for posting your story. Really intense!

Sidony

I started therapy at the recommendation of my pdoc for helping me get my life in order after being treated for bipolar. For the first year, I just basically cried until the right meds were found. Then I didn't seem to have any need for therapy so I quit.

Fast forward 5 years & I overdosed last Aug. Pdoc again (after adjusting my meds) recommended therapy. After a couple months the therapist said bascially she couldn't help me--that I needed marriage counseling--the reason I ODed was a negative comment from my husband about my weight gain on meds.

I just don't feel I could cope with marriage counseling. Right now my husband & I are walking around each other on eggshells & pretending the OD never happened, which is why my pdoc says we need marriage counseling. I just can't bring myself to open up with him in the room with me. So I'm stuck in a bad place & don't know how to get out of it.--Suzy

Mouse this post is beautiful and really what therapy is about. Savings lives, repairing souls, encouraging healing and personal advancement.

Thank you so much for being so open.

Mouse, thanks for sharing that! I am happy for you that you have come so far.

Dear dear Mouse....

You are a success story. I hope you know this. Thank you so very much for sharing your story here.

I can relate to being in a ball in a corner at the start of therapy. It saved my life....I was in a ball too....and not trusting anybody. Had to trust someone and luckily found the right T....

Glad you did too.

Not an easy journey Mouse....but you are doing great! Yeah...some days are better than others but .... wow what a journey.

Yay Mouse. Hugs.