Its started again

I've started to cut agin. I've actually tried several times in the last 4 months, but this is the first time i can honestly admit that I did it again. umm so much is going on in my life. I used to post more but i am back in grad school . I know no one here. Cant afford therapy.. and yes i know I can get the free stuff at school but i am tooooo freaked about that kinda stuff with the possiblity of someone i meet knowing. NOt to mention the fact that they use us as guinea pigs for the psych grad students (no offense to the psych grad student) I miss my old counselor. I call her and it takes literally a week for her to return the call and she never has much time. I just feel so overwhelmed with the idea that I may be alone. and that I may be slipping.
Alone and slipping.
I feel almost sick when im at home. which is bad because i have so much homework. Its hard to concentrate when your aching, so I started cutting. I need immediate relief so i can get back to studying. Sounds crazy im sure.. It works... but it doesnt work
Because im still slipping deeper.

Thanks for listening to me, guys! I'm popping a Lexapro so hopfully happier tomorrow
Always smilin
Goodnight

I am not in a mental state where I can give great advice or sage words but I can let you know that you are in my thoughts. Take care, stay safe,
Carrie

{{{{{{{{{{{Esther}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. You can always come here and talk about it, and we'll understand.

I do hope you will think about therapy though, but I know what you mean about being a guinea pig and about people knowing. Been there, done that. And looking for a new T when there is one someplace that you would rather see is really hard. But there are good ones out there. Just keep looking! Don't let yourself get in too much of a hole before you get some help, ok?
Hang in there!

Thanks for the support! I have been floating in and out of depression for the last few weeks. Its been hard, but im gunna pull through. Thanks for letting me vent. I hate that it was so negative.... but its a better day today. I do feel myself regressing. Im starting to fight urgest to binge and purge less.. and i keep reasoning that its helping me. Helping me keep everything together so i can get my work done.. Right now i feel like i have it all in control. I think thats a horrible dangerous place. In my mind i know i have myself tricked but it works so well! Goodness. This is the second time i only intended to write a little but have written too much.. Well. Im gunna run. Thanks for the support

I think that is the most frustrating thing about self injury. It just works to darn well! Grrrr! and sigh.
Carrie <font color="purple">