Dying Inside

I need support right now.

My new T offered to have a 3 way phone conversation with ex-T so I might get closure. New T told me today that ex-T never wants me to directly contact her and she will not do the phone conversation...

My ex-T is officially gone. She has completely abandoned me. I will never have closure.


I hurt so much. Part of my heart has died.

Oh, and it's my b-day this weekend. What a wonderful gift I have been given.

It hurts to read all the posts of people who love their T. I loved mine. And I lost her. For those of you who have a wonderful T, cherish it. And I pray no one has to feel this pain I feel. It's not right. It's not fair.

I miss her... I will never hear her voice, never hug her, never see her face. I want this pain to stop!

Scarlett u have come way too far to give ex-t that much power that u would cut. It's hard i get that but dont do it...dont cut

I'm trying to resist the urges. I took an Ativan to help calm me down. It just hurts so freaking much and I desperately want a release.

I'm sorry Scarlet

Im so very sorry Scarlett. Please don't give your ex-t that power over you. You are stronger than that. Have you tried using red nail polish or a red marker instead of cutting? Does it help you to write down your feelings? Maybe you could write them down and then burn the page as a release?

Did she give a reason? God that sucks. One of my biggest fears...

I hope you don't give in and cut. Just remember all feelings pass, even though some feel so big like they never will. Atavan is a good idea. I hope you feel
better soon!

Could you call/e-mail/text your new T for some support right now?

I am sorry. I hate having no closure. Sometimes it happens though . We have no control over it. You grieved and it seemed you moved on

Could you focus on your new t? When you have no t it was tough but now you have one and she is good. Think of what you have now not what you had before?



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I understand all too well. I am so sorry youre having to go through this, i know its so painful. My ex T dumped me one night out of nowhere. I never saw it coming and she had promised she would never do that to me. I still do not know what i did wrong. She completely cut me off, no closure, no anything. I know this is so hard and i am sorry.

hope you can hang in there and not give in to the urges. keep writing and talking about it. as much as you want and need.

Sorry to hear that, scarlet

I'm kinda stuck in my emotions currently. I don't think I would be able to get it out in any detail. I simply hurt...a lot.

As far as SI coping skills...they never worked for me...not even the ice. Though, I've been told to stick my whole head in ice water...it will slow the brain's process...lol

New T said that ex-T said no to communication out of care and concern according to ex-T. Ex-T thinks this is what's best for me.

I'm trying my best to hold on till the feelings lessen. Ativan is my friend right now. At least I'm no longer crying. I've turned to my second friend: food Bye-bye 5lbs I lost...

Yes! She knows there's a high probability that I will need to call her. I'm supposed to call her if I'm going to cut. Since I'm in a crisis state, it will probably happen. But until then I must use my coping skills and try to distract myself.

Would speaking to her really make you feel better now that you know how she really is. I know speaking with someone who has proven they don't care about me would not make me feel better. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. You have been given an opportunity to work with someone who is hopefully better than your last therapist!

Scarlett hope ur feeling a bit better today!

Finding out some answers would make me feel better. I don't need to worry if talking to her would or wouldn't make me feel better. It's not going to happen...

Ty. I am a little better...weak from all the crying last night, but fairly stable. Just in a lot of emotional pain still.

I called my new T last night. I was supposed to if my coping skills weren't enough to stop the urges. She called me back today and I got to talk to her for 10 mins. She told me my goal today was to get up and take a shower and to try to do one of my hobbies. I'm still in bed trying to figure out how to get myself into the shower. Sad, really. Anyways, she said she's here for me and I can call again if I need to. It's nice to have the support, but I'm also cautious because I could lose her too for some unknown reason. So a part of me keeps my distance to protect myself.

But the good news is that I didn't cut. One day down...now to conquer today.

Scarlett im so proud of you. You're trying despite the pain that's all i can ask. Keep up the good work. It will probably hurt for bit but it should lessen gradually. I can keep cheerleading if needed. But seriously good job.

If she won't get on the phone within a three-way conversation for you to get closure perhaps she doesn't deserve your admiration.

What a selfish uncaring thing for her to do not to offer an opportunity for closure. It's not like you could hurt her or anything.

I'm so sorry SP! I speak from experience - loss of a T is like a death. Is there a way you can put together a final list of questions for her, and T2 can work with her on a response? DO NOT let her cause you to slip backwards.

And look, it's not all roses with everyone here and their T's. I'm in a semi-rupture with mine right now, and on an every other week schedule to mitigate painful transference. This is a year out from a prior year of tremendously painful transference with T1. I believe some of us are just meant to suffer with unmet needs.

I'm sorry SP and hope you're doing better.

I have complied a list of questions. I already sent it to my new T. She's going to help me next week sort through them and reword them to try to get a response.

But do any of you think I will get an honest answer? I doubt it. I doubt she would admit to any wrong doing.

I will still have new T ask the questions because it's the only thing left to do. Well, I still could file a grievance with the state and the APA... Some people have even suggested I sue for malpractice, unethical termination, and for the hours of therapy I have to pay out of pocket for dealing with this abandonment. Idk right now which is the healthiest choice for me. I can only take one day at a time.

I'm doing a little better today. Some crying, but no sobbing. I took a shower. And I got out of the house and had dinner with my family. Otherwise, I've just been sleeping and eating whatever the hell I feel like. I'm definitely depressed. I feel tension all over my body. I imagine it like a deer freezing before it gets hit. But I have been hit. Idk. Just not feeling well.

New T just gave me permission to email her one email, however long I want it to be. She said she will read it, but she won't respond to it. I think it's fair. I use writing as a coping skill, but I'm not allowed to do it often because I obsess over it. So I'm happy she's allowing me a way to purge this pain.

How did she terminate you? What happened?