[Petra5ed]

Anyone else have this. I like my therapist too much, to the point I want to pretend I'm fine and normal when I'm not. I'm sitting here tonight wishing I was dead, why can't I open up and share the depths of my problem with him? Because I know it won't be attractive, and I don't want to be "like my mother." Also an hour is too short. Sometimes I feel like he couldn't possibly even know me well and I've been going for years! An hour isn't even enough time to talk about the most important things going on in the present, let alone ever bring up the past.

[Leah123]

Would it be possible to try longer sessions? I find 90 minutes is a huge help. Also, writing- I can write a ton in advance, and then give her that, and what would have taken the whole hour to talk through, she gets in 10 minutes, then I have the rest of the hour to discuss it.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Would it be possible to try longer sessions? I find 90 minutes is a huge help. Also, writing- I can write a ton in advance, and then give her that, and what would have taken the whole hour to talk through, she gets in 10 minutes, then I have the rest of the hour to discuss it.

Great idea. My first thought though was I might be too embarrassed to ask for longer sessions! Lol. Someone ****ing kill me. Please.

[LonesomeTonight]

I know what you mean to some extent. I have some maternal transference for my T and really like her as a person and a T (though not to the same extent as my marriage counselor). Yesterday I was talking to her about feelings of depression

Possible trigger:

and some recent self-harm

I told her I felt bad telling her some of the stuff because I didn't want her to feel like she'd failed me or that she wasn't helping. She said that therapy isn't about her, and that it's sweet that I'm concerned about her feelings, but it's more important to be honest. I've also felt bad talking to her about how connected I feel to MC and how I feel like he really "gets me." I'll be like, "You're great too! And I hope it doesn't bother you when I say how great he is." And again, she'll say it's not about her.

I hold back some in marriage counseling, but that's a combo of not wanting to share some things with my H and not wanting to share some with MC. I did feel really bad about him finding out the stuff I was recently talking to my T about (that's under the trigger warning) because I was afraid he'd be disappointed in me.

Hm, and I really like my p-doc as a person and p-doc, too, and I keep feeling bad when I tell her a certain med isn't working for me.

So, yes, I can relate!

[divine1966]

Have you considered a woman t? I see a woman for that exact reason. I don't worry how I look or act or appear. I sure would if t was a guy

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[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Have you considered a woman t? I see a woman for that exact reason. I don't worry how I look or act or appear. I sure would if t was a guy

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I think that's a great suggestion, only I have a problem with women, on multiple fronts. Main one being I don't trust women. I actually didn't seek out this T for myself originally but once I met him had a gut feeling he was perfect for me . I've never felt that close to any woman ever. Maybe it would be great therapy material actually... I should probably try one again. I'm scared to actually. The last woman I saw all I did was cry, and cry and cry. And she didn't comfort me like my T does now. She just sat there staring at me all cold and sterile like.

I think it does make a difference; I am telling T2 stuff about binge eating that I never would've told T1 because I wouldn't want him to think of me as some out of control overeater.
But the other side is that I felt more able to talk about other stuff with T1, like lack of self worth. I don't know why but I feel he wouldn't understand that like T1 did.
I think disclosure is always going to be difficult for people who are used to suppressing their feelings. Different T might shift that issue but not necessarily solve it.

[iheartjacques]

Give it time.
Mine got to know me and he knows when I'm not okay even if I say I am.
I kept apologising because I kept crying. He said let it all out. It's that horrible crying with snot everywhere. He still treats me the same. Actually, he sat a bit closer. So I realized in there to fix me, not to worry about what I look like. Although I still try to look nice when I go in. I look awful afterwards though. Maybe that's why I'm the last one?

I find 50 minutes a week so little too.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

I think that's a great suggestion, only I have a problem with women, on multiple fronts. Main one being I don't trust women. I actually didn't seek out this T for myself originally but once I met him had a gut feeling he was perfect for me . I've never felt that close to any woman ever. Maybe it would be great therapy material actually... I should probably try one again. I'm scared to actually. The last woman I saw all I did was cry, and cry and cry. And she didn't comfort me like my T does now. She just sat there staring at me all cold and sterile like.

Well honestly he can't be perfect for you as you can't open up. You say you feel close yet you don't open up. I am not sure in what sense do you feel close to him?

My t doesn't comfort me. I do occasionally cry in therapy. I am a crybaby, she gives me tissue and sometimes says it's normal I am upset. I cry because I am sharing something that stirs painful or intense emotions. It needs to get out. t comforting me would not help anything. It's not needed.



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[ThingWithFeathers]

I have difficulty with this too. I'm slowly beginning to understand that sessions are about me, the whole process is about me, because I'd forgotten that. I try to make it about both of us, and in a way it is, but it's about me learning about my feelings and thoughts, not about my ts feelings or thoughts. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out yet how to open up, without caring about her so much.

It's one thing to be respectful, which I think is important in all relationships (client and t included), and another to care so much about someone it prevents you from getting your needs met.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Well honestly he can't be perfect for you as you can't open up. You say you feel close yet you don't open up. I am not sure in what sense do you feel close to him?

My t doesn't comfort me. I do occasionally cry in therapy. I am a crybaby, she gives me tissue and sometimes says it's normal I am upset. I cry because I am sharing something that stirs painful or intense emotions. It needs to get out. t comforting me would not help anything. It's not needed.



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It's one of those where the more you like someone the more you want them to like you. The problem with my ex female T was I never liked her much so I never went regularly. It's great (maybe?) that I had some sobbing sessions, but they made me dread seeing her, so that when I felt depressed and hopeless even the therapist didn't seem like a good place to go. No one is perfect. I have this problem with anyone I like because I'm afraid to lose them. I wish I liked him less though.

I think on some level the reason I didn't call t last week when I was such a mess is because I didn't want her to know, didn't want her to be disappointed in me, didn't want her to feel like she failed or something that I had been doing so well but then that. I came to my senses as far as that and told her all about it when we talked earlier this week. I hadn't been sure I was going to tell her, but then as soon as we started talking, I couldn't not. She has that effect on me.

[sidney1771]

I work with a psychologist who I'd love to have as a best friend, but we keep a firm line drawn in the sand, and it is really hard to do in 45 minutes, but you can accomplish a lot. I've been with her for close to 10 years and we've been through hell and back as we deal with my recurring bipolar issues, OCD and lots of other miscellaneous stuff. When times are difficult, we opt to meet twice a week, when things are going well, we go back to once a week.

Since we've been together for a while, I know basics about her and her family, but in the end, her job is to help me stay happy, safe and maintain balance in my life. My job is to always be open and honest with her at all times and to maintain the best patient to doctor relationship I can. She'd be an awesome friend, but psychologists like her are so rare to come by...friends are a dime a dozen in my opinion. Which would I rather have in the end is what I always ask myself. A heck of great doc is the answer I always come up with. Not sure if this helps you with your situation, but I know that my psychologist has lots of her own wonderful friends outside of work that she hangs around with, and while I know she gets a kick out of me...she has a life. Therapy always has to be about you and getting help for you, no matter how ugly or painful you might think it will be for your therapist.

Consider the alternative...if you are feeling this horrible and didn't tell your therapist, and then did something awful without telling them. How absolutely miserable would they then feel that you never gave them the chance to help you, and that you hid your true feeling from them? Better that you "protected" them from you? Or, worse that you couldn't be "honest" with them?

[LonesomeTonight]

Hm, I'm wondering if my concerns of upsetting and/or disappointing my T and MC was part of why I didn't try to reach out to them when I was...I guess in crisis? Sunday night. OK, it was mainly because it was midnight on a Sunday, and I felt weird trying their cell phones, partly because I've never called them on there before (I generally leave a message at office phone or e-mail). I also don't know what my MC's rules are on calling or texting...which I think is something I'll ask at our next session. I think my T said I could call hers if it's an emergency or if I need to cancel an appt., but "don't call just to chat." So I guess it's that I like them and didn't want to bother them and have them be annoyed at me and/or disappointed and/or upset with me. Even though I suspect they may have preferred that I at least try calling. (Will ask about that this week, just to be prepared...)

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hm, I'm wondering if my concerns of upsetting and/or disappointing my T and MC was part of why I didn't try to reach out to them when I was...I guess in crisis? Sunday night. OK, it was mainly because it was midnight on a Sunday, and I felt weird trying their cell phones, partly because I've never called them on there before (I generally leave a message at office phone or e-mail). I also don't know what my MC's rules are on calling or texting...which I think is something I'll ask at our next session. I think my T said I could call hers if it's an emergency or if I need to cancel an appt., but "don't call just to chat." So I guess it's that I like them and didn't want to bother them and have them be annoyed at me and/or disappointed and/or upset with me. Even though I suspect they may have preferred that I at least try calling. (Will ask about that this week, just to be prepared...)

Aren't Sunday nights just the worst?

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I care about my T (love her even) as much as my husband. I have no problem telling her when I am having a hard time or crisis. I was afraid during my last crisis that she was getting frustrated that I wasn't getting better. When I am in session its really easy for me to be open about whats happening. It won't help me if I don't.

[lunatic soul]

BI know how you feel. I tried to pretend Im okay to like him, I was afraid to tell about my issues. I saw another T and talked to her about things I cant tell my T but then I realized that therapy is not therapy with my former T because Im not honest. I felt bad that I need anyone else and Im not enough with one T. When I finaly told him this he was shocked because I pretend Im fine and hid this awful true. I though he will stop like me etc but it didnt change anything, he said he wants me to be open and honest and he wants to help me.
Imagine if your loved one told you something like this-would you stop love him or find attractive or like him? I doubt.
If its hard for you to talk to your current T you can talk to another T about it but believe me it wouldnt change anything to bad if you told him.
Yeah one hour sucks, its not enough esspecially if you want to talk about something really difficult.

[Lauliza]

I think that if your feelings (or erotic transference) is what keeps you going to therapy and ale what keeps you from really opening up, then that could be a red flag. They is also why I've always preferred to see female Ts. My pdoc is a male and I have some ET for him- but if he were my T it would be too much. The desire to come across as attractive would negate the value of much of the therapy, I think. I can see how your feelings may be what keeps you going I therapy, but if you can't be completely open then how helpful is it? I know some female (and male) Ts vary in how much comfort they give, and it sounds like you had some bad experiences with women. An it's possible some men will show more outward concern than women in the presence of a crying client because men often react that way in any context when women cry. As much as many of us loathe gender stereotypes, there are often very different dynamics at play when there is a male T/ female client than with a Female T/female client. Maybe your Ts expressions of comfort mean more to you simply because you value male input more than you value a woman's. Attraction can definitely cloud our perceptions of reality a lot and that might be worth looking into.