[Nikki2000]

Hello All, this is my first post here so am kinda nervous... i have been reading through lots of the other posts and have felt a great deal of comfort from knowing i am not alone with this stuff!

My T is on holiday for TWO weeks...AHHHHHH!! i last saw her on Wednesday and wont see her again now til Weds 30th May... breaks feel unbearable for me... i literally feel like i wont survive them... suffer from major anxiety, and seeing T feels like the only way to get calm at the moment...

i had never tried anything like therapy before, but have been seeing T for nearly 3 years now... i feel that things have definitely improved, but breaks seem to send me flying back into chaos... i miss T SO much it hurts... and its been like that right from the very first session...

in the very first instant, the connection i felt with T was phenomenally powerful... like nothing i have ever, or probably will ever, feel again... i would compare it to what people would call love at first sight... but even that doesn’t seem anywhere close to it... it was like meeting someone who was the total personification of everything missing in my life... everything i wanted and everything i needed... without knowing anything about her at all, i felt complete trust... complete love... complete dependency...

i don’t know if that is a good thing or not... but it feels good... and right now i guess it is what i need... but it does make breaks especially difficult... how do you guys deal with breaks? my T lets me text her on her cell phone... but i try very hard to limit it to once or twice over the break... have already used one up!

how much do you get to know from your T about breaks? do you know where they go on holiday? who with? there are always a million questions huh?!

anyway, thank you for listening (reading!), this site seems great and i look forward to being a part of it...

best wishes Nikki x

Hi nikki, and welcome to PC. No need to be nervous, just post when and if you feel the need. Your post felt very familiar to me. I've been seeing my T for nearly 2 years and certainly feel a strong bond with her unlike no other. I have really struggled with feelings of dependency, especially just lately. I think that it is the intimate nature of the whole therapy process that causes you to have these strong feelings. How can you not feel a strong connection with someone who you have shared your innermost thoughts and feelings? I hate when she goes away, it feels like forever doesn't it. She is going away for the whole of July and some of August and I'm dreading it. I don't usually ask her anything about her personal life, but I might ask if she is going away this time! In the not too distant future I am going to start reducing my sessions. I'm feeling really scared about this but know I have to do it at some point. Sometimes I e mail her between sessions, but I try not to contact her when she is on breaks........I feel guilty. I don't have any great advice on coping when T is away....it's hard, but I do keep a journal and posting and reading on here helps. I really understand how you feel. Feel free to PM me or I will just see you here. Take care and remember, theres others who share what you feel!

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Nikki4520 said:
Hello All, this is my first post here so am kinda nervous... i have been reading through lots of the other posts and have felt a great deal of comfort from knowing i am not alone with this stuff!

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Welcome to PC. So glad that you are able to get that comfort from here. I felt the same as you when I first started coming on here... still do!

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My T is on holiday for TWO weeks...AHHHHHH!! i last saw her on Wednesday and wont see her again now til Weds 30th May... breaks feel unbearable for me... i literally feel like i wont survive them... suffer from major anxiety, and seeing T feels like the only way to get calm at the moment...

i had never tried anything like therapy before, but have been seeing T for nearly 3 years now... i feel that things have definitely improved, but breaks seem to send me flying back into chaos... i miss T SO much it hurts... and its been like that right from the very first session...

in the very first instant, the connection i felt with T was phenomenally powerful... like nothing i have ever, or probably will ever, feel again... i would compare it to what people would call love at first sight... but even that doesn’t seem anywhere close to it... it was like meeting someone who was the total personification of everything missing in my life... everything i wanted and everything i needed... without knowing anything about her at all, i felt complete trust... complete love... complete dependency...

i don’t know if that is a good thing or not... but it feels good... and right now i guess it is what i need... but it does make breaks especially difficult... how do you guys deal with breaks? my T lets me text her on her cell phone... but i try very hard to limit it to once or twice over the break... have already used one up!

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Sounds like you have quite a connection with your T! Unfortunately it's those connections and attachments that it make it all the more unbearable when they leave... Trust me, I know. I can barely make it 7 days, let alone when he goes on break.

Do you journal? I find this to be helpful in trying to maintain connection. Actually, rather than journaling, I have started to write in the form of letters to my T.

Keep coming over here! That helps, too.

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how much do you get to know from your T about breaks? do you know where they go on holiday? who with? there are always a million questions huh?!

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Absolutely nothing. I don't want to know. My T does not self-diclose. He will say, "I am not going to be here next week." So I have no idea if he's going away or what he's doing. Actually my T told me that the Friday after this one he will not be here.... I doubt he's going away because he told me I can come another day... But that's all he tells me. I have no interest in knowing what he's doing; it interferes with the therapeutic relationship for me.

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anyway, thank you for listening (reading!), this site seems great and i look forward to being a part of it...

best wishes Nikki x

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Welcome again... hope to see your posts!

[DePressMe]

My T has a vaction coming up and I am going to go 2 weeks without seeing her. This will be our first break. She has been getting me ready for the last few weeks--giving me time to get ready for it. Did your T prepare you for the break in therapy?

Use PC here as a "fill in." I know we can never match up to a T. but keep us in the loop about how you are dealing with it--it might help just a little--and we are always here--24/7. You are right, it helps to know people understand what you are going through and to hear it...

[SecretGarden]

My T is away next week...I know not why but he just said it is not for pleasant reasons. I know nothing though I hinted I suppose. It is o.k. that I do not know....As Pink said I rather like not knowing .....cept if I know he is going to a convention or whatever I tell him to learn something to help ME. That .... is what is important... ME ME ME...lol.

I suppose it makes it less painful if I know that he is not having fun either... Is that bad of me? LOL.

[Nikki2000]

Hi again… thank you all so much for your replies… i guess it is inevitable that when T’s go away, on vacation or for whatever reason its very hard to deal with…

Kindergirl, i am so sorry your T will be away for so long in July, August, that must feel very frightening… hopefully you will have chance to prepare, as much as you can before then… i often find that the thought of the break is more scary than the reality… but as my T regularly reassures me, the break will pass and you will come back together again… and so far she has been right! but still i totally understand what you are feeling… i wouldn’t choose to have any breaks… ever!

with regard to reducing the number of sessions, i seem to be permanently trying to make that decision also… i currently see T twice a week, Monday and Wednesday evenings… but it feels too hard to cut down just yet… but it also feels like something heavy weighing on my mind all the time… i have to pay her fees myself, and the financial side does worry me… if that wasn’t a concern, i would be happy to continue with 2 sessions for a good while yet…

Pinksoil, i haven’t journaled anything before, but having read through a number of posts here that suggest how helpful it can be, i will certainly think about doing that… i have written a few letters to my T before, when i have something really difficult to talk about, but she wont let me send them to her, i have to read them out! when i am ready… which has actually proved really useful…

i can totally understand the not wanting to know where T is or what they are doing when not at work… i guess i do feel that way too to a certain extent, but the curiosity factor always seems to overpower me… not that my T will tell me in any great detail, but she travels a lot, and somehow it feels reassuring to at least know where in the world she is…

i think you are right that knowing stuff about their private lives can interfere with the therapeutic relationship, i know for sure that we have had some of our biggest arguments/upsets when i feel hurt by something T has self disclosed (by accident really), but i have also found that often those incidences have lead to a major insight, and we have ended up closer and more connected because of it… (but not every time!)

Depressme, i am sure the first break from T feels scary, i totally understand, my T brings up the break pretty much every session for the couple of weeks beforehand… but its still hard… like you say, PC feels like it will be comforting at those times… :-)

SecretGarden, LOL, totally agree with you… it does seem less painful if I know T is not off enjoying herself with everyone other than me…!

anyway, thank you again for your replies… take care all, Nikki x

[sidony]

Hi Nikki!

Welcome to PsychCentral!!!

I know too well how you feel. I'm actually feeling depressed because I'm going to be away next week. I considered planning my vacation around my therapy session (which I probably could have moved to Monday) but decided I really should take the whole week (and both weekends) off. But I always miss him when I'm away.

When he's away, I don't ask him much about what he did. Sometimes he will say something about his trip if he's somehow making an analogy. Today when I saw him he had just returned from a trip (though luckily it hadn't interfered with the days I see him). For the first time ever, I asked him how his trip was. I didn't ask him where he went or anything like that, but he mentioned that it was good. I noticed that his cold was gone (he'd been hoarse the week before), and I commented on that. He said he'd gotten lots of rest on his break. I was glad for him. I assume he travels with his family (or at least his wife) for vacation. But I don't mind not knowing the details. He gives me a few details about his life, but it's always in a therapy context (like if he's explaining something about relationships or something).

Anyway, it sucks when he's away so I feel for you. Next week I'll be sad when I'm away! I might have to call him, but I rarely do in-between times. He'd allow it, but I'm very nervous about being too demanding.

Sidony

[dalila]

<font color="green">I don't want my therapist to burn out but I really wish she would take her time off during the times I am not scheduled for therapy </font>

I also do not have T next week. T always takes of the same holidays that the schools do. I guessed she has sch age children or grandchildren I'm thinking more.

I was at work this morning listening to the voice saying to her "why are you leaving me? why are you abandoning me?" I think I will actually say that to her on fridays session because I'm really not sure of what one or two words she will reply with that will make it all fit. I mean I know shes not leaving me but I need it framed in a way I can use. Shes pretty good at saying stuff in a way that works for me.

I can feel the downhill fall now toward the lonnnnnnnnnnng sumer break. 6 weeks!! This will be the 3rd yr I've had this lonnnnnnnng break and it still feels just as hard. Maybe I need to go back and read my journals from that time and see what I wrote??? But I don't think I had started writing journals at that time.

I think the only difference this yr is firstly I am going to take something from her office as a transistional object and secondly I'm going to ask her if its ok for me to email her half way through??? this time last yr neither of those questions would I have had the guts to mutter.

so I guess the breaks still hurt but I'm starting to be more pro-active and do and ask for things that I need??? maybe???

[MissCharlotte]

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how much do you get to know from your T about breaks? do you know where they go on holiday? who with? there are always a million questions huh?!

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I asked T where he was going on his Christmas-time break. Otherwise he would not have disclosed. ahhh there's that d word again. I don't know who he went with and I don't want to know. I asked only as much as I wanted to know!

Right now I am so mad at him that I wish he would go away for a couple of weeks!