Projection.....

a-k... thanks for your responses.... I particularly enjoyed the first one...You are looking at it more from a received perspective where I am throwing it out there. I am taking time to take what you are saying in.... and will respond... Time to meander toward my work day.

Thanks... appreciate it.

projection is kind of throwing those thoughts / feelings etc out onto another person (not me! you!)

projective identification is when the person on the receiving end catches what is thrown and responds / behaves in a complimentary way.

there was a definition of projective identification from the link i posted.

i do it a lot...

that phenomena is meant to capture what can be 'manipulative' about some peoples emotions and the like... that the things we throw out there onto others can quite often provoke / prompt them to play a certain role.

e.g.,

rescuer...
persecutor...
victim...

and so on...

For me, projection can be as simple as using "you" instead of "I". One can't tell another person what they are feeling, it just cannot be done! We don't know what another person is feeling unless the other person tells us. I remember when my T and I got into it about her empathy, I think it was; I thought I was the one who was supposed to say whether I felt empathized with but aparently not :-)

I think we can give our observations but they have to be about us. "I feel. . ." or "It looks to me like. . ." but the next word after the . . . cannot be "you" and if the other person doesn't find our observations useful, there's nothing more (useful :-) to be said.

Thank you Perna... What you say is simple but easier said than done.... but it is that same separation thing that withit was talking about.

Thank you Alex... All that you say touches me... really.

This quote sums it up... and it is embarrassing... but something to work through...

((In the psychoanalytic sense projection is a defence mechanism, an unconscious psychic operation whereby qualities, feelings, wishes, and so on, which the person refuses to recognise or to accept in himself, are expelled from the self and attributed to another person or thing (Laplanche et al., 1973, p. 349). In other words, projection is a defence against what we cannot make conscious or cannot bear in ourselves. It appears most clearly in paranoia.))

You have given me much to think about and read/reference and hopefully take in...

Thanks for sharing what you have and for admitting to having experienced this. It really is a shameful thing for me. Interesting though.

hey. what the quote doesn't really focus on is the reasons why the person 'refuses to recognise or accept in himself'. it is a DEFENCE mechanism which means it is a strategy that you use to PROTECT yourself. that means... you are feeling vulnerable. sometimes it can be about... if we have had bad experiences with anger as a kid... maybe we only saw anger used to hurt and never saw it expressed appropriately. maybe when we expressed anger our caregivers responded with fear or with anger in return... maybe it wasn't safe to experience anger. so... in order to protect yourself from the 'bad' emotion... one attributes it to others.

be kind to yourself sweetie...

just being aware of it can feel kind of threatening. be kind and gentle :-)

Thank you. The current journey is looking at why I keep myself distanced and yes anger is a tool toward that and that projection would assist... I am too well protected in many ways. Instant fence/barrier sometimes. It is the third phase of bringing the pieces back together that is a culmination that can be embarrassing. But yes this is a bit chunk of something for me..ain't it? Thanks for the be kinds.... will obfuscate a bit and study a bit and talk a lot in upcoming months with pdoc... he is off this week... Might as well deal with it... but can not deal all at one time... as is with most therapy.