[Petra5ed]

What's the hardest thing you've ever said to your therapist and how did you do it?

[dismantle.repair]

... "I have developed problems with food"
For some reason, this was harder to say than, "Oh, well I feel like killing myself," or "Yeah, I slice my skin deeply."

I've said it just like that, eyes on the floor... and am extremely uncomfortable with it. :\

That would be last session when I started to talk about my sexual behaviour in childhood. I shook and my heart rate was really high and I think I began to dissociate. I couldn't say much.

[Leah123]

Oh my goodness, really? A zillion things...

One was talking about a specific side effect of being abused
Another was sharing my needy feelings for a mother-figure with her
Another was telling her I was angry at her
Sharing about certain traumas in general was hard: I find in general, writing is so helpful to starting those disclosures.

How did I do it? Tentatively, lol.

In the first case, I asked her to help me disclose by asking me some questions.

Indeed, I think her asking very gentle probing questions, rarely but at the right moments, has been very helpful. I don't usually like being questioned at all, and will talk on my own, or not, as I feel best, but in those cases, they helped.

[LonesomeTonight]

For some reason, one of the hardest was telling her that I had feelings for my marriage counselor (who she'd referred me to and who is in the office next door to hers). It was all I could do the one session to just get out "sometimes I just wish he would hold me" and another two sessions to talk about more stuff.

The other most difficult was recently telling her the details of the night

Possible trigger:

i attempted suicide

almost 20 years ago in college. I'd talked about it some, but going into details about what was going on in my head, why I wrote letters to certain people, and what happened in the aftermath, like telling parents, was very difficult.

With my marriage counselor, unsurprisingly, telling him how I felt about him. And other stuff related to that. Well, also recently

Possible trigger:

talking about thoughts I'd had about self-harm and then talking about it once I'd actually cut myself

actually, that was extremely difficult to talk to my T about too. And my p-doc

[musinglizzy]

When I told her about self medicating.
I shook and cried through the whole thing, waiting to be judged, and I wasn't. She completely understood. That is the hardest thing I've ever admitted to my T.

[JaneTennison1]

"I trust you" took forever to say and wasn't worth it in the end

[precaryous]

There were a lot of difficult things...especially with PrevT who saw me during the time the PsychiatristAbuser was seeing me.

First difficult thing...was my name. I was talking to PrevT on the phone checking to see if she would take me as a patient. But I was afraid to tell her my name. She let it go....and scheduled the appointment anyway. When the registrar called to pre-register me, she pointed out they would need my name to bill my insurance. Oh.

Next...it was difficult to reveal PsychiatristAbuser's name to her. I was seeing her twice a week then. I was afraid she would be required to report what happened to me. I wasn't going to report him, call the police or file any civil suit. I thought he was a good man who made a bad mistake. So, we went on that way for months. I started telling her what happened to me, but I wouldn't tell her his name.
She hospitalized me...but I especially wouldn't say his name inpatient....lots of possible mandated reporters inpatient.

I was discharged and back in session a few months...
Then, I accidentally SAID his name!

That's how scary that was.

[junkDNA]

describing the details of my therapy abuse with him and the shame it brings me

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

"I trust you" took forever to say and wasn't worth it in the end

This was true for me as well. It hurt more in the end than helped.

[nottrustin]

hmmm good question. A have three that I can think of.

1) I had been cutting. I had never done it before but we were discussing some very traumatic things. We were discussing things that hubby didn't know at the time. So I had nobody but T to talk to. It was my way of releasing the pain.

2) My alcohol drinking was getting out of hand.

3) Hubby and I were having intimacy issues. I mentioned it to T and I was trying to be vague and sort of beat around the bush. She was confused and right out told me. So I had to come out and say things that made me very uncomfortable. There had been other things going on and it just put me over the top. We dropped the conversation and have agreed eventually we may get back there.but right now is not the time.

[Leah123]

Oh, you know... it was also terribly hard to be honest about some of my failings as a mother. That was the hardest disclosure of my own to make, aside from abuse related ones. To say that I had screamed at her and such... I felt so awful, but that's why I came to therapy, to be a better mother. I didn't realize I had PTSD that made it so hard for me, and once I could fess up to those things, I became stronger and definitely a better mother.

[bounceback]

Talking about aspects of sexual abuse.

Telling her about obsessive thoughts Some were pretty bad.

Asking her if she was gay.

Etc.

[growlycat]

I have a weird fetish that I hate that has roots in an early abusive situation from my childhood.

Also, admitting my long term T that I felt any kind of warm feelings towards him, …love?

[ThingWithFeathers]

The hardest things I've said so far is

Possible trigger:

were telling my t that my brother chased my sister with an axe and how he used to lock me in rooms and beat me up

The csa will be just as hard when I get around to sharing my experiences.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by precaryous

There were a lot of difficult things...especially with PrevT who saw me during the time the PsychiatristAbuser was seeing me.

First difficult thing...was my name. I was talking to PrevT on the phone checking to see if she would take me as a patient. But I was afraid to tell her my name. She let it go....and scheduled the appointment anyway. When the registrar called to pre-register me, she pointed out they would need my name to bill my insurance. Oh.

Next...it was difficult to reveal PsychiatristAbuser's name to her. I was seeing her twice a week then. I was afraid she would be required to report what happened to me. I wasn't going to report him, call the police or file any civil suit. I thought he was a good man who made a bad mistake. So, we went on that way for months. I started telling her what happened to me, but I wouldn't tell her his name.
She hospitalized me...but I especially wouldn't say his name inpatient....lots of possible mandated reporters inpatient.

I was discharged and back in session a few months...
Then, I accidentally SAID his name!

That's how scary that was.

So did she report him when she found out his name?

[ScarletPimpernel]

With ex-T: when I told her my secret. That was bad. I was sobbing, shaking, rocking... There were a lot of other minor things like telling her I cared about her, asking for a hug, etc. But that was the worst.

How I did it? First, I started with an email. I knew I was going to be a blubbering mess, and I might chicken out otherwise, so I emailed her exactly what I was able to get myself to say. Then I came in next session freaked out. She acted like she didn't read the email! (Maybe she didn't read it after all). I told her I was nervous about the worst thing I wrote about. She didn't have a clue. She had to go get the email and "reread" it. Then she was like "Oh..." And then I broke down and would speak till like the last 10mins? I talked about it in a very vague way, but enough where she understood. That's how I revealed a lot of things: email.

[stopdog]

I did call and set up a second appointment one time. It was before I had the second therapist. So that was a bit of a challenge to see if she had another opening.
Also when I had to admit I had walked right into her trap after believing her and putting myself into position for being mocked by her. That was awful because I was humiliated for not being more aware.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I did call and set up a second appointment one time. It was before I had the second therapist. So that was a bit of a challenge to see if she had another opening.
Also when I had to admit I had walked right into her trap after believing her and putting myself into position for being mocked by her. That was awful because I was humiliated for not being more aware.

It's funny the first two or so times I've asked for an extra session it's always been really hard, definitely harder than the sessions themselves! As if talking to someone for an hour should tide us over on happiness for at least 7 days... LOL. Luckily I'm mostly over that. It's very easy for me to ask for that now and it not even be a big deal. Now I do it "just cause" just cause I can afford it I guess, lol, just like I enjoy massages and pedicures I enjoy my talk therapy.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

There have been a few for me:

Talking about my childhood. I had to fight hard to hold back tears.

Telling my T that I loved her. I was shaking and breathing weird.

Telling my T about my attachment and maternal transference.

Asking for an extra hug during a session as we always hug at the end of sessions.

TRIGGER*******
Telling my T about my very detailed plan on how I was going to end my life and even had a date picked out. I was scared she was going to send me to the hospital as my plan was never as detailed as that. It scared me.

[Ad Intra]

That I had failed to commit suicide since I last saw her, this was to my 1st ex-t.

Some particularly terrible abuse that happened.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

I had to tell him I find him sexually attractive:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/roman...could-end.html

Last week I finally got up the courage to say I care for him out loud, unusually he didn't say anything about it. Didn't feel it was a big deal at the time .... Now worried.

A few weeks ago we came across something so painful it triggered a seizure, but technically I didn't actually get around to saying anything though so not sure that counts. When we come back to it, think it's going to rank highly.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

describing the details of my therapy abuse with him and the shame it brings me

I haven't told yet, but this will be the hardest for me too. Thanks

[Daystrom]

Everything I tell her is difficult for me. It isn't hard to actually talk to her about it all during the sessions. It's afterward, when I feel like such a pathetic and awful person and worry that she probably thinks so too.