does your therapist give you hugs?

no. no touch. handshake the first time we met but that was weird. he just kind of offered it to me and i gave it a couple shakes then he kind of took it back.

not sure if he is a huggy person or not. i think he could be. but not with me. its probably a good idea that we don't cause part of me would probably want more and i don't trust people (either other people or myself) on that score.

it is weird how this doesn't bother me... it seems to mildly bother him... he keeps mentioning it but not doing anything about it...

the door has a tricky handle. i went to open it one day and he jumped up and was like 'let me get that - it sticks a bit. its not locked'. i was like 'yeah, my office door has a tricky handle too, its ok'.

maybe i need to say 'just let me try the darned door already! if its tricky and i get the trick then it doesn't matter but if i have to rely on you to let me the hell out of here thats slightly problematic.

its cool... the insulation isn't so great so i can hear other people in the house stomping up the hallway and having half heard loud conversations in the kitchen. i'm sure they'd hear me scream.

he seems to be trying to schedule me in when other people are there.

he doesn't seem to be scared of me.

but maybe... he is.

No she does not. I don't think I even shook her hand when I first met her! I would feel uncomfortable with a hug at this time.

No, my therapist has never hugged me. I guess the only time we've even touched is on the first day when we shook hands. I never expected him to want to hug me though and would feel weird if he did. I guess I like my personal space too, so that's probably a boundary for both of us. I feel very close to him though, much closer than I have to many people I have touched physically.

Sidony

My current T pats me on the back—I have had the feeling we almost hugged a few times. I see it as a possibility, but I have not been ready for it. My past T hugged me after every session.

no hugs or physical contact of any kind. i cant say i ever craved that kind of physical contact until i met T and now i can honestly say i have never wanted anything more than i want a hug from her... but i do feel lucky in that she makes me feel held when i really need it, even if i can’t physically have that from her...

i imagine it would feel like heaven on earth... realistic?! probably not huh?!

Hi, i'm quite new here, and found this very interesting to read. The majority of people have never been hugged by there t.

I have been hugged 3 times by my t. The first time he asked if I would give him a hug as I was quite suicidal at the time, but I said no. I couldn't even look him in the eye. I then later on felt bad and wished I had hugged him, so I asked him if I could get a hug in the next session. He said yes. But I never got it. Was very disappointed.

The first time I got a hug has to be the most memorable moment for me, I have never felt so close to someone in all my life. It was so unexpected, and it felt like it lasted for ages. There was so much warmth there.

The second time I got a hug was when I was going to have a 3 month break from seeing him, so he hugged me at the last session.

And the third time I got a hug was the day I seen him for the first session after the 3 month break.

He shook my hand at the end of one of the sessions, and I hated it. It felt wrong, after I had been given a hug, a handshake is just way too formal, so I was angry at him for shaking my hand.

He makes a point of touching my arm as I walk out of the door after every session.

breathe x

hmmm.. ive never asked.. ive thought about it bit havent.... she has pat me on the arm.. and than hesitated i can see trying to gauge if its okay to touch me.... she has also pat me on the back once she knows i know she is around...so as to not scare me half to death.. i do believe she would hug me if i asked but she hasnt offered or done so... thjough i think she would.

one time she wanted to know why i avoid crying so much and i told her im afraid i wont stop or get lostand no one will be there to catch me and she said that.... we needed to have a 8 hour s ession..... im still not sure what to make of that.. hahaha... it was kinda like.... Im here for you and willing to bethere to catch you and make you feel safe.... .. it was caring but man.. 8 hours... YIKES..... glad she doesnt have time to do that as an intern. they arent allowed.. she said that after... but giess it made me feel good that she really does seeem to care.

No - I do not get hugs. Sometimes I want one and sometimes it feels odd and exposing to be weeping and have the other person just sitting there. But I think it helps with boundaries and keeps me from having confusing feelings. It reminds me of the reason I am there and that the therapist or pdoc is more than just a friend.

Generally there is no physical contact in my sessions, but sometimes they will touch my back as I pass them in that way of escorting someone. And once I had my pdoc examine a sore on my finger and he did have to hold my hand for that. (Was afraid it was a serious drug reaction - him more than me.)

My therapist did not hug me for a long time but then one day after a particurlarly difficult session I asked for a hug and he gave it to me. Now we hug at the end of each session and it feels quite natural. I've "checked in" with him on this issue...his comfort level and he has reassured me that the is comfortable with it so we have continued with a warm hug at the end of each session. It has greatly imporved our therapeudic relationship. My two previous therapist did not hug at all.

Yes, we hug.....we had a lot of conversatiions about it (I told him it was NOT sexual); although I was in love with him, etc....we talked about that also. He considers me a colleague, as I am studying to be in the profession.....

I went through a big discussion with my T about hugs a couple years ago. I asked her if I could hug her and she said yes and when I got up I walked right by her. I felt like I was being manipulative as I really wanted her to hug me and I felt like I wasn't being honest. She then at the next session said hugs were out of the question for all clients Fast forward to the end of my therapy experience with her and I was crying at the appointment because it was goodbye. She then asked me if I was ready for the hug I had been waiting for. Since that day I have started therapy with her again and one time I asked her for a hug and another time I didn't ask I just gave her one. It was during the time that I had my breakdown in her office and the time right before I went into the outpatient program. She hugged me and told me it was going to be alright. I needed that. I was never hugged by my mother. She never gave me comfort ever. As a result I'm not a 'hug type' person however I want to be and it feels awkward at the same time. To hug someone is to put my guard down and that's really hard. The only people I can hug without hesitation is my children, my husband, my niece and nephew, my FIL and my T.

Some T's have hugged but if it was a man then no but I don't like if I think their just acting nice but you can tell allot by someones body language and fine. but hug feels like they really cared to me

My T has never hugged me (I've been seeing him for more than 3 years). We shake hands before major vacation breaks and he has once, during our last session before Christmas '12 --after a very productive but painful session-- kissed me on the cheeks. It gave me the strength I needed to keep it together during our 3 week break.

T has hugged me a lot and it feels lovely so much healing in her hugs and they are so sincere. I have never asked for one but I wanted to the last session but as we were talking about CSA t didn't hug me and I missed it and I am afraid to ask her incase she refuses or wonders why I asked for it so now I just wait until she hugs me.
My last t hugged me once but it felt weird.

I'm not a touchy-feely type at all. Nor is my therapist. But we hug every session sometimes at the beginning and the end. He always asks me for permission. And if I'm having a difficult session he draws up close to me and asks to if he can touch my hand. I don't feel that any boundary issues are being confused by this at all. He truly cares about me and likes to comfort me. A brief but secure bear hug is a great ritual greeting and ending. There have been times when we don't do this and I don't really miss it. It's not like I count on it. It's just part of how we interact.

I'm surprised to read that so many have no touch at all with their therapists. It seems like something that would arise spontaneously as people became closer in working together. And though people talk about boundaries, I can't really see how a short hug changes actual boundaries. Boundaries about what exactly? Maybe because my therapist is also a doctor, he feels less bound to reinforce certain codes that others may have been trained in. He is secure with his professional status as an MD and he knows that I am clear about the rules and boundaries of therapy so it seems like it would be following a rule book rather than being natural.

Yes. My t is the best hugger in the world.

I assume she does hug, but she doesn't hug me because I don't want her to. I don't even want her to touch my arm. She's asked about hugs in the past and each time i sort of recoiled in my seat at the mention of it. Then she tried to hug me 2 weeks and she completely freaked me out. I backed myself up against the wall until she got the point, which didn't take very long

My therapist does give hugs. Although, you have to ask for it. I do not like personal touch, but my therapist always gives me a "virtual hug "before I leave. It's nice to know that she will get it if I want it.

at the MHC I went to, we talked about hugs and how it was for us and for them. One I thought felt uncomfortable but continued to give hugs when asked (male). Female was ok with hugs, maybe that we are both female. The third liked hugs too much - so much that he tried to do more and i later learned he was a sex abuser. He's gone.

Looking back I realize I was extremely vulnerable needing touch so much. Someone said in this thread about their insiders needing to be touched. Thinking about it, that is exactly how I felt, like a small child needing to be held, just wanting to feel safe and cared for. I always felt embarrassed about this need expecially with the first T because it was like he was embarrassed even though he said he wasn't. It always felt like hugs could be taken away at any moment, much like it was growing up. Anyways maybe it would have been better to not hug then.

If I had a T again and felt comfortable with hugs I'd probably ask for that. It helps to understand about the insiders though. That makes so much sense. Thanks!

No hugs for me. He is, in general, very comfortable with hugs. There was a time in therapy when I very much wanted to be held. My T never talked about it in terms of boundaries which feels to me like a concern with roles and responsibilities.

We talked about it in terms of its potential to bring up feelings that could be confusing for me and so further complicating a situation in which I was already trying to cope with overwhelming emotions. We talked about other ways he could help me to feel held and to meet those needs for security and wholeness.

It was the right decision to make at the time.

My T has hugged me and I have hugged her. It's a great feeling after a long, strenuous session.

The one I see has assured me she will not touch me. I don't find hugs something I want or useful from even the closest people in my life. I cannot imagine what the point in the therapist hugging me would be.

No, but she has offered. When I was trying to tell a difficult story she offered to hold my hand, but I said no. She also recently told me that she is always willing to give hugs and sometimes she has to fight the urge to give me one because I look so much like I need it and she wants to make it better. I said no again.

It's funny because the one thing I want most is to feel that kind of warmth from someone and I'm sure that she has a very warm, comforting hug, but it also just terrifies me. I'm not afraid of her personally, but of how I'll react, like, I think I'll just break down in uncontrollable tears if anyone tries to show me that kind of care.

No hugs or any personal touch which I am okay with as I need space. Other than the very first meeting when we shook hands there has been no physical contact. Even when we walk out of the room together there's a good 3' of space between us. It isn't remotely awkward and the environment I'm most comfortable with. I did ask if we could sit side by side on the floor, with backs resting against the couch, and she said that wasn't a good idea. I was a bit embarrassed and flustered so couldn't ask her why it wasn't a good idea.

Yes, we hug at the end of every session. A couple of times when I've cried in session, she's sat next to me and put her hand on my knee or my shoulder. A little nurturing goes a long way. It makes me feel much closer to her & gives me some of the affection and support I missed out on as a child. I've told T that I feel a maternal connection to her, and she's supportive of that feeling. She knows I understand (and appreciate!) the boundaries of the T relationship so she doesn't have any concerns around issues of touch.