Dam I've got a whole week to have that phrase going round in my head...after our session today and me saying I just don't get the break next week that it feels like shes abandoning me, though T said she understood that, when I said ok then, why are you having a break next week? T said "because I want too" she said that I'm trying to make it that its something about me that is making her take a break, that way I can fix it or control her or change her mind, but by her doing it because she wants too means I am powerless...

I know I've taken these words the wrong way, that I am perceiving them to be mean and cruel, when infact T was showing a healthy attitude to self care..but still...I guess the child in me and stamping feet and pouting because she just can't effect T.....I said to T but can you still take a break and care? T said yes, but I said I don't get that....she said she knows that...

I dunno I need this put another way I think coz it hurts....it brings up feelings of real powerlessness and abandonment...I also feel she was angry at me and was saying "BECAUSE I WANT TOO" yes caps for shouting...but she wasn't angry but I feel she was...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dam a week with thsi going round in my head....I think I'm afraid that she may withdraw her care and I'm afraid I've upset her and and and and I'm so co-dependent I think I should be shot

(((((((((mouse)))))))))

i can relate to your pain and discomfort.

everything that happens to me sometimes turns out to feel like it is my fault and that people just need to abandon me because i've done something wrong.

others have told me to keep myself busy, or journal, or something. sometimes I get busy getting angry at the world and say "forget them" .... but then it get turned around and I get angry at myself.

hmm....i don't know if i have much help. it seems to come down to somehow figuring out a way to be confident in that what your T says to you is accurate and it isn't about you.

the world in a complicated place (how cliche of me to say that). and lives are so complicated within it and the forces that come together to make people act how they do are rarely, if ever, just one thing so how your therapist acts or what your therapist needs is part of that intricate web of things that come together to make her what she is. so things that happened years and years ago may play into why she needs to take a break. and perhaps her taking a break is good for you, for is she is revitalized she is better able to help you revitalize yourself.

these are just thoughts and i don't know if they have any meaning...but anyway ((((((((((((((((((((mouse))))))))))))))))))))

[Perna]

Mouse, you ever study Venn Diagrams in maths?

Basically it shows where/how two or more "things" relate, like this:



Your T isn't just you and your therapy anymore than you are just she and your therapy. Her wants are in the other part of her, not related to you and your therapy. She does have wants for you :-) and those are included in the joint parts where you two intersect. But not all of her "fits" in that joint part?

Hope this idea helps a little.

Wow...you made a Venn Diagram

[Perna]

You can make your own here :-)

http://www.teach-nology.com/web_tool...venn_diagrams/

[MissCharlotte]

Love that venn diagram.

I use them for literacy lessons.

[MissCharlotte]

Hey Mouse,

Try thinking of it this way; T must take care of herself so she can continue to take care of you! In this way, you will begin to learn self care.

((((Mouse))))

Hang in there and here...we'll get you through the week.

[sunrise]

Cool, Perna. I have always loved Venn diagrams.

Hey, mouse.... seaparateness is rearing it's difficult head again. It's very hard sometimes to fully understand connected yet separate. It hurts sometimes.


((( mouse )))

[SecretGarden]

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ECHOES said:
Hey, mouse.... seaparateness is rearing it's difficult head again. It's very hard sometimes to fully understand connected yet separate. It hurts sometimes.


((( mouse )))

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Excellent post Echoes. It is hard particularly when we feel so close to our T's when they are not there and they somehow have another life-without us dang it.

I know this is not the same but sometimes I take a week off work because I want to...I need to... so that I can rest and revive myself to go back and do it all over again. I am sorry this is rough for you. When my pdoc goes to meetings I say... go learn something to help ME. Just think that by taking a break your T will be ready to do it all over again or to keep moving forward.

Yes... she is taking care of herself so she can revive ... from her whole work life... and renourish herself to start all over again.

Take care Mouse... Keep posting...

I think that when depressed I am more inclined to think these kind of thoughts. Does it work that way for you too? That abandonment thing... yes...feelings are there. Remember what your T said. She knows and cares how you feel but she wishes to assure you ... she will be back.

(((((hugs)))) Mouse.....

PERNA!!! I am so impressed with your graph! I still want to grab T and put her in the middle bit complelely LOL but I do get it, may not like it but get it....I think the session was very powerful and there was way to much work just for that 50mins session...BUT I will continue this when we return and I will talk about the I WANT TOO with her and know we will work through it...I keep seeing the times in my life, yes in my seperate bit of the circle, where I also do things because I want too. Its so easy to see our needs then it is the needs of others....like a small child crying "but mummy, surely you want to spend the whole day wiht me and all my needs?" LOL

auch well...life goes on...just f**king hurts understanding it...

My T is also going to be taking breaks throughout the summer - I feel your pain! I have HUGE abandonment fears and often wonder "Is she taking a break just to get away from ME?" But, the worlds isn't all about *me*. There a million other reasons she's taking a break (ie: time with her husband/child/grandchildren).
I look at my life and realize how tiring it is to listen to people a lot, and definitely understand the need for a break if you listen to people's painful lives 8 hours 5 days a week. That's a lot to handle.
I also look at it as: She's doing the healthy, loving thing I wish my family did. She's spending time with her kid/grand kids, and it shows me there really ARE people like that that exist in the world.
I'm sure you you find when she comes back she's refreshed and ready to help you again - not abandoning you.

I was just shopping, well rather I stand and wait and my husband shops LOL, yes we're a back to front couple, he'd go in every shop and browse every section, me? 10mins and i want to escape.

Anyways, I was standing waiting and there was a child in a pram screaming that he wanted his pen back. His mother was kneeling down to hime calmly explaining that because he had written all over his shoes LOLPMP!!! he couldnt have it, and it was now packed away in the bag and that was that.

The child cried, and protested, and the mother continued abiding by what she said and let the child throw his tantrum and continued to stand up and push the pram and continue on her way.

I was in that moment so at one with that childs frustration LOL! I was seeing the mother as T, doing the "right" thing, LOL but I so know how that 2 or 3yr old felt like and wanted to run up and sit in the pram with the kid and let the "mummy" rescue me and make my life ok LOL

I saw how I try to force T into rescuing me, try to force her to give into my feelings because I can't bear them LOL, I mean if she weren't away next week, I'd feel so much better LOL

I guess this is one of those times when T's absence is leading to me to have to work through this yukky frustration feeling that is going round and round in my body, cept when I protest, I dont look at innocent and cute as that 2yr old LOL!!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mouse_ said:
I was just shopping, well rather I stand and wait and my husband shops LOL, yes we're a back to front couple, he'd go in every shop and browse every section, me? 10mins and i want to escape.

Anyways, I was standing waiting and there was a child in a pram screaming that he wanted his pen back. His mother was kneeling down to hime calmly explaining that because he had written all over his shoes LOLPMP!!! he couldnt have it, and it was now packed away in the bag and that was that.

The child cried, and protested, and the mother continued abiding by what she said and let the child throw his tantrum and continued to stand up and push the pram and continue on her way.

I was in that moment so at one with that childs frustration LOL! I was seeing the mother as T, doing the "right" thing, LOL but I so know how that 2 or 3yr old felt like and wanted to run up and sit in the pram with the kid and let the "mummy" rescue me and make my life ok LOL

I saw how I try to force T into rescuing me, try to force her to give into my feelings because I can't bear them LOL, I mean if she weren't away next week, I'd feel so much better LOL

I guess this is one of those times when T's absence is leading to me to have to work through this yukky frustration feeling that is going round and round in my body, cept when I protest, I dont look at innocent and cute as that 2yr old LOL!!

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WOW, this experience you had watching the child.... and applying to your situation... you have amazing insight. I think if T said, "I am taking a break because I want to," I would probably just die. So I feel your pain. But I think your T is hitting you with the reality of what is normal in human life because she thinks you can handle it. And you can. You are handling it at this moment. You are doing the work.

[Perna]

I use to go out and "find" small items that reminded me of certain things so I could carry them around for awhile to remember lessons or feelings; you just gave me the idea, Mouse, to have a charm bracelet made -- I'd go find me a pram, LOL.

I still have my nineteenth century brass house key on my keyring that unlocks my imaginary library à la Henry Higgins and the French doors leading to the brick-walled garden, à la Burnett's A Secret Garden.