frantic...crying

i don't even know if there are triggers in this.. i am so upset i can't think straight.

i am having a major crisis and i have no where to go. No friends or family to help. My T is away on vacation for another week. i am dying inside. i can't stand the pain.

i have already taken 5mg klonopin and it hasn't helped.

it's home situation related... my marriage is more than complicated. Don't know what i want, thought i did, now don't know.. freaking out, sobbing

i am scared. i am alone. i am so distressed.

((Gerber)) I'm sorry.

(((((hugs))) - is there are routine that helps center you?
mine is making coffee... when chaos is all around me, I concentrate on making coffee.... it's familar smell helps to connect with stablity....not on the chaos...

((((hugs))))

Hello (((GERBER)))
I am sorry for your stress and confusion at this time. There is a hotline you can call 24/7 1800-273-TALK. Have you called your therapist? There is usually someone on call for a therapist that is on vacation. If you can not reach your therapist substitute you should go to the Emergency room for treatment if needed. Take care of yourself (((GERBER))). Soidhonia

a routine.. i am going to try and walk my dogs. i'll look like an idiot walking dogs and crying. i have to go out or the dogs won't get to eat. don't care if i eat but they need to. i will make coffee.. it might help.. i did have tomato soup with cheese...my comfort food. took another shower to take down the puffy eye look.

i turned down the offer for a sub T..he would have been a stranger to me.. i am not good with trust issues. The ER is last resort if i get too suicidal, same reason. i can't talk or cry to strangers so i can't get out what is happening and i look mostly ok... ok enough to not need ER... so i only go when it gets beyond that. It's going that way but maybe enough klonopin will head it off? wine and klonopin elixir.

i want to crawl in a hole and die. i want to just never look out at the world again... or have it look in at me.

thnx for listenig

Hi Gerber,

Sorry to hear things are so hard right now. Do you have friends you can contact at all, even if you don't talk about the issues that are on your mind at the moment? Sometimes it can help just to be around others when you are having a difficult time.

Distraction can help as well. Going for a walk can help, as you described, whether you walk the dogs or not. Other ideas might include going to the local library to hang out, or a coffee shop - get a coffee drink, or a cup of tea, and hang out with today's paper or do some journaling. You can do some things like play solitaire, or do crafts if you enjoy them. If you enjoy music or watching movies on the television, sometimes there are good movies on the weekend, or you can borrow a movie (you can do that at your local library, for free! or visit a local movie-rental store). There are good puzzles in the daily papers if you like doing puzzles, and you get the paper. If there is a mall in your area, and you enjoy window-shopping, you can walk around and maybe get a soda or something. There are lots of ways to use distraction, and sometimes it can help a lot during difficult times.

Even if talking to the substitute therapist sounds scary, it *is* still a possibility - it is still an option that exists, and so is calling a crisis hotline or going to the ER if things get too bad. If you attend a house of worship, you might also contact your minister for support. And you can continue writing here.

Please take extra-good care of yourself....and be safe.

Take care,
ErinBear

Gerber, I'm sorry now is such a hard time for you, especially with your T being away. Even though you don't want to contact the substitute therapist, could you still call the crisis line if you need to? Maybe talking to an anonymous, non-judgemental person would be soothing.

I think snuggling and playing with our pets can help too. Let those dogs love you. Taking them out for a walk sounds really good.

i took 7.5mg klonopin so far. i bought junk food. watching junk tv. i was invited out but i look like an inpatient.. i am a wreck. can't stop bursting into tears.

no aaccess to sub T on weekend anyway. there is a crisis line though... maybe.. i have never called one.. what do i say? "hi, i'm a loser...can you make my life not suck?" won't they come and make me go to a hospital? i mean don't they do that? don't they lock you up?

monday i can call pdoc...

Ohhh... Gerber,,, I'm so sorry you are feeling like this... I have had my times like you are having now... hang in there...((((((hugs)))))

thank you. i am numb.

Hi Gerber,

If you decide to call a crisis line, you can say whatever you wish when you call - they're there to listen. Different crisis lines have different policies. It could be true that they might send emergency personnel in your area if you say that you are in imminent danger of hurting yourself, but that's not true in all areas. If you are concerned about this possibility, you can call them and talk to them about your other concerns, and it may still help to have a listening ear. They wouldn't send emergency personnel unless you said that you had plans to hurt yourself right away, or to hurt another person. Sometimes it can help to be able to speak with somebody else.

Another resource is the Samaritans. You can look them up on the Internet. Depending on where you live, you can either email them or call them. If you live in the UK, or certain selected cities in the US, you can call them, visit them in person, or email them. You can talk about any subject with them freely, and they listen nonjudgementally. The email service does take awhile for a response (sometimes 24 hours or so) but can be a good resource during hard times.

Please take care,
ErinBear

please, please, please be careful with the Klonopin. 7.5 mg is an awful lot for the day. Just try to comfort yourself safely... with your dog, TV, junk food, coffee, posting here, etc. Hang in there. You have made it through the day. May have felt awful, but you made it. I understand your therapist is on vacation.... can you call your psychiatrist?

i am calmer. Life is still s big mess, but i am calmer and more numb today. Numb is good in the short term. i need calm and numb. i don't have the skills to process this myself.

don't have weekend access to pdoc

i took one more K... then later a halcion and i eventually passed out i guess.

the help line.. i didn't talk to them long. i was too afraid they'd send someone to pick me up. i was afraid they would find out who i was or someone else would find out i was talking to them. it made me panic more so i just got off the phone and took the halcion.

thnx for listening... i should be ok today

Hi gerber,

Sounds a little better for you today. You've really been struggling.

Keep writing here! Something that helps me is to write, in a journal or notebook or whatever (sometimes I write at the computer and save the draft, coming back and adding to it later)... just to have that release, to put the pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and let the thoughts in my mind flow. Anything.. everything... no matter how seemingly small or unimportant or silly or wildly fantasy-like. It is somehow calming physically and mentally for me. Mabye it would help you too.

Here is a site that has a guided imagery, a relaxation exercise. It's free and you can do it right at your computer. It says it is 20 minutes, but it seems like 5 minutes!! It is sooo relaxing! The free one is called Secret Garden and here is the site: www.meditainment.com. Relaxation tapes and CD's are also something I do regularly and help me. It feels so good to get your whole body relaxed!

Please keep us posted on how you are doing!

Hey Gerber.... checking in to see how you are doing....numb can be good... be careful with the meds... I've have xanac sneak up on me by taking too much... and it isn't good....

take time little by little and it will pass...

((((hugs)))) freewill

Gerber, Just saw your thread now......I hope things are going better for you today. (((((((((Gerber))))))))

Also, please know that 7.5mg klonopin is approximately equal to 140mg. of valium! So as others said please be careful with it.....

Let us know how you are doing.

i am doing ok... which is as good as it gets. Until circumstances unravel themselves that is all i can hope for. Klonopin and halcion are my best friends. i see my pdoc wednesday if i don't get called in to work.

klonopin has a really really high LD50.. so it's relatively safe. My pdoc worries about me drinking while taking it but so far so good.. i guess i won't know if i screw it up though.

i just i don't care much about that, but i appreciate the concern. i just don't have a lot of mental space for optimism. i have good moments here and there and that keeps me going. And as i said today is ok.

thanx for listening

Wed.... will be here before you know it.... this was a rough weekend for alot of us... I'm sending good thoughts your way....

(((huggs))) freewill