What's wrong with me? Why can't I cry in therapy?

I really dont know whats wrong with me. I've been seeing a therapist for a year and never even shed a tear. Even on the most sensitive topics I get on the verge of tears but then just look away and compose myself. We've been working on pretty deep emotional things but during my session today I just kept looking away so that I dont break down in tears. I want to cry so that my therapist knows that it is affecting me and everything but I dont know how. I have a session again in a few days but like I dont want to force myself to cry, but I also dont want to hide it if I feel it coming on.

Any ideas on why this is happening? How did you allow yourself to cry?

I think you shouldn't worry so much about the hows and the whats of what you're doing. I cry easily in therapy, not because I made a choice to, or because it's a good thing (I hate it, actually) but because that's my natural reaction to therapy.

You don't need to put on a show of tears so your therapist knows you're having feelings. If you keep working on the emotional stuff, sooner or later you'll have a breakthrough

To be honest, the fact that you're worried about trying to cry strikes me as being the same drive as the one that makes you compose yourself. You're all about trying to make yourself behave in different ways. You're not just letting yourself be.

Telling an anxious person to relax is like telling the Eiffel Tower to levitate, so I won't do that, but I think the more you can let go of the thoughts around this stuff, the sooner you'll respond more closely to your emotions.

Crying in front of another person, even a T, can be hard. I can remember that with previous T's and in previous therapies I've never cried. I didn't like crying in front of other people.
My current T has seen me cry. I'm not sure if she had seen me cry the first time I was in therapy (for social anxiety). I think I didn't really cried, only some tears.
But this time in therapy, she has seen me really cry a few times. I didn't really want to cry, at least not so bad. I was already feeling terrible and then we started talking about a difficult topic and I just couldn't stop myself from crying.
But there were also session we talked about the same hard things and didn't cried. I was on the verge of crying, but no tears.

I didn't really allowed myself to cry, I just couldn't stop myself from crying. I don't know why sometimes I cry while talking about something and at other times I do cry while talking about something that less affecting me than other things.

I've also felt that I should cry or at least have tears so my T know how much something is affecting me. I feel like if I don't show much emotion while telling something that's really hard for me, then she would think it doesn't really affect me.

You could talk to your T about this.
Why do you try to hide it? It could help if you know why, then maybe it can help you to let the tears come if they come.

And there's nothing wrong with not crying in therapy.

From the way you have described your T previously she seems like she would pick up on the intensity of your emotion when you compose yourself.

Just be patient with yourself...I've never cried in front of mine in the 2 and a half years I've seen him, but it was only recently that I've been able to actually feel emotions in session instead of just talking about the ones that I process in between sessions. And some days I still don't feel much during. It's all about the anxiety for me. I don't cry in front of anyone, much less someone I'm not comfortable with. The more comfortable I've gotten with my therapist, the less detached I've become.

But you don't have to cry to convey a strong emotion...Their empathy is usually enough to pick up on it.

I've been in T for just over a year- and I haven't really cried either. I cry plenty on my own, but when I'm in front of other people it just stops- and that includes the T. I used to get peed off about it - I felt like I was letting my T down, and that he wanted me to cry and I wasn't 'performing' good enough. Nowadays I don't even think about it - He knows the emotions are there.

How timely! This happened tome this week. Sparky (CBT T) took a break from problem solving (well tried to) and tried to just be supportive.

I have a terrible time crying in therapy. Or in front of anyone in general. But one way to get me started is when T allows some silence and just looks at me sympathetically (I have mixed feelings - both "GRRR get away from me with your pity" to "hold me")

He also brings me to the brink of tears by stating the obvious which is partly infuriating and tear-inducing "You look like you need to cry but you just can't let yourself." Then he states more obvious things like "You are feeling alone" or "therapy doesn't feel safe enough because we spend so much time problem solving."

urgggh so angry but I want to cry in his arms just the same.

So I do understand!!

In your case maybe you have had bad experiences crying in front of people? Or maybe you were teased or punished for crying? Feeling safe may be the missing ingredient for you too?

It's normal
Maybe your just the type of person who doesn't cry in front of people

That could happen for a lot of reasons. Maybe you were taught "we don't do that." Or you don't yet trust the therapist with vulnerable parts of yourself. Or you simply don't like to cry in front of other people. There's no right way to do therapy. But there is a way that is right for you and it will evolve as you learn and grow and heal.

If it is a concern, maybe you can discuss it in therapy?

I cant cry in therapy either. I have a phobia of crying in front of anyone. I get close to tears and then I look away and pull myself together. Are you afraid of people seeing you cry?

Do you want to cry to show your T how sad/hurt/despairing you are - maybe you could do it with words if you cannot actually cry and if you can find the right words to describe your feelings at that difficult moment?

Perhaps you feel that crying would help you clear the unpleasant feelings that accumulate - again if tears won't come, perhaps oyu could say how you feel and that you need a moment to process your feelings?

Just speculation, hope if helps.

I can totally sympathize with you. I was in therapy with ex-T. for 1.5 years. I never cried in front of her until the last 2 sessions when we were terminating. I cried more in between sessions for that year than all my life. I would tell her I want to cry because she'll really see how much I'm struggling. I would cry in her waiting room or the minute I left, but not with her. It really bothered me.

I'm not sure why I was able to the last two sessions. I think someone's post earlier about feeling safe is key. I couldn't see it at the moment but I don't think I ever felt safe with her - I was always afraid of her reactions. I guess in the last two sessions I knew it didn't matter since I was leaving.

I also usually don't cry in front of others and I was sent to my room as a child if I cried. In this past year I've learned to start to let the tears flow with others. It started with my kids - they had rarely seen me cry.

The first two sessions with new T. I cried. I'm sure it was due to being overwhelmed (terminating, new T.) but I wonder if deep down I feel more safe.

With ex-T. I would try NOT to cry in between sessions hoping it would all come out in my session. I also tried to let it flow in both circumstances. Nothing ever seemed to work. You may have to just accept it.

Crying in front of others makes us vulnerable. You aren't in therapy to please/influence, etc.the therapist; just be yourself.

how come i almost cried in therapy but then i looked away and compose myself why is that

I would love to be able to cry in therapy. Instead I get all clinical and detached, describing things as if I were talking about someone else, or letting him do all the talking so I don't have to feel anything. This has always been strategy, to avoid feeling. Plus, I feel like we don't really get into anything too deep (which is cause for tears alone)...but I think he thinks I'm not ready, because I avoid issues like the plague. I also write better than I speak, and have cried many tears while writing him an email.

I only cried with my former T of 10 years on our last session (which was on the phone) and I cried the whole time. Up until then, I hadn't cried. Kit