[ilikecats]

I've been in therapy for maybe like 10 weeks, and something I've been wondering about for a while is how much should my therapist remember about me? I know I shouldn't expect her to remember every little detail. She has other clients and her own personal life to remember things about too. But sometimes she asks me the same questions in different weeks, and sometimes she says the same things that she has said to me before. So I was just wondering how much is reasonable for me to expect for her to remember? Most of the things she seems to forget aren't huge, and sometimes after I answer a question she's asked before she says like oh yeah I remember I asked that before. How much do your therapists remember? Sometimes I wonder if maybe she does things like this on purpose, to see if I'll point it out or to see if my answer is still the same. Do therapists do that? Or is she just genuinely forgetting? And sometimes it makes me feel weird about bringing something up from previous sessions, because what if I refer to something we talked about before, and she has no memory of the conversation? That would be awkward and frustrating. Anyways, sorry for the long question, basically I just want to know how much most therapists remember and what your experiences are. Thanks!

My T has a fairly good memory. Once I took a break from therapy for a couple of months. When I started back he asked a couple questions to refresh his memory on a couple things. It didn't bother me. He obviously can't remember everything. But if I was having to tell him the same things over and over every session, I would probably start looking for a new T.

[stopdog]

The first one I see has almost no ability to remember anything. For that one I only expect her to remember to be at her office for the appointment. I seriously doubt she would remember my name if it was not in her appointment book.
I no longer bother to engage with that one on anything where I would expect memory.

The second one is average. No great shakes, but better than the first.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I've seen two who remembered EVERYTHING, including my current one. She also notices everything too, like a few weeks ago I had a bruise on my hand and she asked if it was SH. My pastor is also like this, noticing details and remembering pretty much everything I have ever said, even stuff I don't remember saying to her. I wonder if it has something to do with personality type.

The last one I saw was horrible at this. The worst part is she would forget telling me something and tell me something different the next week. It was totally confusing and I'm a reassurance junkie so that made my anxiety fly sky-high.

My t has this uncanny memory of things I tell her. She remembers things I have forgotten that I'd told her! However, she can't seem to remember things that SHE says. She also can't seem to remember to go to the bank and deposit my checks, which really blows my mind!

[AllHeart]

There were times during the first few months when I started therapy with current T that her memory was so lousy I actually thought she might have been getting Alzheimer's. She did at least always remember the big stuff though. She would take a lot of notes, too, which I found to be a bit unnerving at times. As our connection became deeper and strengthened, her memory became much better, and note taking less. Now, she remembers things I tell her better than I remember myself with barely taking any notes at all.

On the other hand, my daughter's T is extremely forgetful and it makes me crazy. I don't expect any T to remember everything or even close to. But having to repeat a conversation on a very sensitive, important topic 3 times in 1 month is highly frustrating to me. T takes notes and never references them before my daughter and I enter her room, which is even more irritating to me.

[Out There]

My T has the memory of an elephant and remembers things I don't remember telling him. If a T consistently didn't remember things it would be a deal breaker for me and has been part of the reason I discontinued with one T.

[granite1]

my T has a horrible memory . i find it funny at times .i tend to dissociate some times in T and she cant remember what we talked about .we just have to laugh when i say neither can i . i know she has a lot of clients and most times it is ok with me . there have been maybe a couple of times it was a problem . when she said some things hurtful and didnt remember them . but it was worked out

I think the T should be the 'holder' of your story. That doesn't mean parroting back what you've told her. But being able to make use of what you tell them in order to help you make sense of your story

My T mostly remembers what I tell him, but certainly not 100%, particularly when it comes to names of people, etc. I don't really expect him to remember all the details. I really expect him to remember me -- my needs, my fears, my quirks, my aspirations. If he can remember all the details that go under those categories, great, but I don't really expect that he could. That's A LOT of detail.

She remembers more than I expect her to.

[Ellahmae]

At first my T only remembered major details (which I'm fine with) as our time together has increased (3x a week for 1-2 hours each time) she remembers pretty much everything about me now. I think with time they retain more about you and about what they have said in session to you as well - the repeated stories have ceased and her memory of my stuff has increased and her note taking has lessened.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

My T remembers a lot of what I tell her. There are times when she will ask me a question and I know I have already answered it and told her about it. I try to give her some slack since she has had a major illness that impacts her memory at times and she has so much patience with me. Usually she remembers things that I forgot I have talked about.

[velcro003]

I've had 3 T's, and they've all had good memories and none of them ever took notes in my presence. My current T has a ridiculously good memory, and she doesn't even take breaks between clients. I have no idea how she does it, especially because I have such a terrible memory.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T is quite good at remembering things. She apologized profusely the other day when she got two of my relatives confused--and these are people I rarely talk about, so I wouldn't expect her to remember who everyone is. I've also been seeing her for 4 years, so that could be part of it.

My marriage counselor is generally pretty good, though he's told us the same stories a few times or used the same analogies (granted, we have been seeing him 2 years, so I guess he only has so much material!). The worst was this one slide show on successful people on the autism spectrum (my daughter is likely on the spectrum) that he's tried to break out like 3 or 4 times now over the past year or two, as if it's some brilliant idea he had to share and make me feel better. He finally got it though and joked about it the last time the topic came up. He seems good at remembering stuff about H and I (and our daughter) though, at least!

[Trippin2.0]

My T has an excellent memory and I know he has no time to go through my notes beforehand because he has an appointment with a DBT group member first thing, then facilitates our group, then sees another member directly after that, and directly before me.


Its helpful that he remembers stuff I "forgot" we talked about, because I tend to "check out" sometimes, not because my memory sucks.


If he asked me things repeatedly that would be a deal breaker, I don't have time to waste refreshing someone's memory. If he's memory sucked as bad as your T's I would expect him to schedule breaks in between clients to read over my notes.

Well, my therapist has been pretty good, but it is I who have had the memory issue. So she has begun writing out what we talk about - and makes me copies to take home. She has asked that I read them every day.

Originally Posted by rcat

Well, my therapist has been pretty good, but it is I who have had the memory issue. So she has begun writing out what we talk about - and makes me copies to take home. She has asked that I read them every day.

When I walk out of T's office, I immediately forget what we discussed. My mind just goes blank. Maybe I need to start writing things down.

[Chummy]

My current T has a pretty good memory. She even remembers the names of my friends. It are only two, but still. She even remembers things from the first time I was in therapy with her, which is more than 2,5 years ago. She remembers how I was in the beginning of seeing her.
But she also forgets some small things sometimes. Like last weeks homework. And two weeks ago she didn't had the notes from the session before on her laptop. Appearantly she forgot to write it.

[SheHulk07]

My T remembers practically everything I tell him, or at least he's good at remembering the big things. He remembers things I've done a year ago which is nice. I don't like having to constantly remind someone of important details, but minor ones wouldn't bother me.

[ChavInAHat]

My T has a great memory for things that are important but the little things she doesn't.
Which is fair enough.

The more she gets to know me the more she remembers.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[nottrustin]

After 7ish years she remembers most things but occasionally she will ask questions about things we have discussed. I figure I don't remember everything about most people in my life especially minor things (even my best friend whom I have known for years). So I don't expect t to remember everything

[ruh roh]

I think it takes them some time to really cement certain things. 10 weeks is not a long time. Sometimes my therapist will ask the same things and I let it slide, but recently I have realized that my answers deepen and she has not forgotten...she's just circling back. I will often repeat things to refresh her memory, sort of like the way a tv show starts with highlights with the previous episode. I do that less now, though, since it doesn't seem to be as necessary.

I think time of day matters. When I needed to switch appt times, I asked her when she's her sharpest. She looked at her appt book to see who'd she'd last seen at the hour we were considering and smiled/laughed, "I was good!" So we settled on that hour.

[ChipperMonkey]

I once had a therapist who had a conversation with me about her upcoming vacation and substitute therapist.....for FOUR weeks straight! It wasn't just her telling me "hey, this is when I'll be away!" rather it was a bit more in depth because I explained that I'd be on vacation the same week, wouldn't need to see her fill in, and even told her all about where I was going. After 4 weeks of this I lost a lot of faith in her. Geez! I shouldn't be forced to have the same conversation week after week after week! Suffice to say, I only lasted a few more months with her.

[iheartjacques]

Mine is pretty good. Probably because he writes so many notes. The new one and my last great one are really good and they hardly write anything.