I'm so done and fed up with therapy.

That's it. I dont want to continue or go to therapy anymore. This past week has been one of the worst and today I've completely lost it. I have bad anxiety and I started therapy a year ago and it helped and I can manage it more now. I'm still an anxious person who has very high expectations and failure is the end of the world for me. I'm in exams now and finished 2/4 which went REALLY well. I have 2 more next week, one of which im okay with. I have 1 that is really hard and im doing horrible in the class with a probability of failing the course (not just me, about 60% of the class is in the same situation if not worse). Anyways, today I just sat in my room with my books opened and cried. I cried for HOURS, and I am NOT the type who cries. It's like when I stopped, I had to start again. Then I just realized that I study SO MUCH (95% of the time im home studying or doing homework) that im getting exhausted and Im feeling sorry for myself. Then all of this just turned into RAGE like never before that I stopped studying for the day and just sat in my room and felt sad/angry. I thought about the amount of time I study and never leave the house, the fact that my anxiety prevents me from so MANY fun things in life (im only 20) and I miss out on.. Then I thought like I'm so pathetic for going to therapy because I can't do anything on my own and i feel STUPID for telling my therapist things that should be kept private only because my T always says its good to talk about it. I dont know what is going on with my right now but I'm so fed up with therapy in general that if this next exam doesnt go well im just going to cancel my appointment next week.

I dont know what answers I expect from here but anything or any input would work.
Sorry for the long read though.

If your final doesn't go well, you'll quit therapy? That doesn't make logical sense...imo of course.

It's not just because of the final that ill leave therapy, its just that anger i felt because of it just brought up other thoughts of therapy that I've had for a while just never went into detail with.

I agree that this is a pretty telling detail. Like not going to therapy is your punishment for doing badly on the exam. Like not taking care of yourself is your punishment. But the whole idea is to take care of yourself, right? That's why it was so painful to reflect on how much you study instead of doing things that might be fun or relaxing.

Most of us have been there. You're making good progress. Don't give up on yourself.

Sorry if i didn't make myself clear in the first post. What I meant to say was that because of the feelings and thoughts that came up in my mind today because of the studying and everything, the thought of therapy came up with it. It isn't that just because im not doing well in something ill quit, its just that Ive had these feelings before (not liking therapy) but pushed them away so this sort of triggered it again. Also therapy makes me remember or pay attention to these things too. Like sometimes in therapy my T would say "you're young and you're wasting your youth! these are the years to look back on", like as if I didn't know that already...

I try not to make big decisions when I'm stressed.

If venting about quitting gives you relief, vent away. Just maybe hold off on decisions until after you've gotten through the tests next week. You might still decide to quit or take a therapy break, but at least you will have given yourself a chance to rethink this from a different mental space.

Is it normal to have these thoughts when something like this happens? Like how studying triggered the thought of not liking therapy ?

Is your therapist helping you get to the root of your anxiety? If you're stress and exhausted, seems normal that you might be feeling extra angry, or fed up.

My therapist is helping me a lot to get through these stuff and sometimes it does help. But this past week has been absolutely horrible. It just makes me want to distance myself from everyone and everything. Plus im a huge perfectionist so then the thought of venting all this to my therapist isn't in the picture. ( i never wanted to go to therapy, my parents made me go). Sometimes I have good sessions but other times I just feel like why am I even here.

I think it's a stress reaction. When I found out my T was leaving, my first reaction was to say screw therapy, screw meds, screw everything!

As someone else mentioned, it'd probably be best to wait until exams are over to make a decision.

Just vent away, but save the decisions for later, is my suggestion. Everyone goes through this and it's a natural reaction to stress. You know people who play video games, call it rage-quitting - when you get so pissed you just turn off your console instead of saving and exiting. Everyone does it, in some form or another!

That was a good answer. I played some video games today to try to calm myself down, just made things worse. I would lose and turn off my console and leave. Only to come back to it an hour later !

For me it is. When I'm that stressed, I get angry at how utterly futile my life is—even when there is nothing objective I can point to that says it's futile—and how my therapy is the most pointless pursuit of all. The stress changes my perception of things, and not in a good way. If I act on it, I make poor decisions. So I try to wait it out and/or do some things that I've discovered work for me.

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but I hope it helps...

My personal approach was to put the time in and do my best. I figured if I did that, I did enough. You've done that. Make the most of the time you have, and then try not to worry. I figure it's out of my hands at that point.

I never did all-nighters or anything crazy. A good night's sleep is way better than a few extra hours of trying to study while totally exhausted. You'll do better on the test if you are rested, even if there is stuff on it you didn't review. You even guess better.

It's also true that you can study too hard over the course of a couple weeks, or even a semester. Your brain and body need some down time. It can be hard to get, but you can always take a walk outside, get something quick and light to eat, watch a tv show etc.

Sometimes when I, and most of the people in a class seemed to be in danger of failing, and the professor seemed impossible, everything turned out ok. Some professors are just like that. They make you think you are failing, and then you get a "B", or even an "A". Those professors are usually the ones who are decent people, but are always talking about how much they demand from students, and how you are supposed to know "everything".

It's always highly advisable to see your professor during office hours, even if it's only once. They like it, a lot. Come with a few questions, or ask about the final. Sometimes in their office they will even tell you exactly what will be on it!

It's always real stressful, but I try to focus on the work I do, rather than the outcome. You can't really control the outcome. I just try my best. Professors usually respond to that.

Being a perfectionist is not a good thing. Mostly because its an extreme. That last x percent takes up too much time and energy. So - therapy isnt just another thing that you have to try to do perfectly. It seems like thats how you treat it.

I used to be a perfectionist too. But people who are NOT perfectionists get a lot more stuff done. Its like, which is better - completing 5 projects at 90 percent, or one project at 98 percent?

I also have good and bad sessions and I have had thoughts of quitting therapy. The best thing I did for myself was to stay in therapy when I wanted to quit.

You seem to be making good progress and its seems to be helping you. There is that saying that says not to make decisions when you are angry. It takes strength to stick with something that is hard for you.

(((((Anxiousgirl)))))
It sounds as though you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure to succeed. I know what all that exam and studying pressure is like. Can you take a break for maybe half a day and go and do something you enjoy? It doesn't have to be anything spectacular. Just something you love doing - or spend some time with a friend.

Then when you get back to the studying just do your best. Give yourself regular breaks, eat properly, get enough sleep and fresh air. Make room in your study timetable for these important things.

Regarding the therapy, why not give it a break for a few weeks? If you're having therapy for anxiety I'm just thinking that cbt might be better? It's short term - or is supposed to be - and is often very effective for helping deal with negative thoughts, panic, anxiety.

As for your T telling you that you should be doing fun things at your age - well, it's easy to get overwhelmed with studying for exams. I don't think her words were terribly helpful! What I hear is someone making getting through exams a priority at the moment and there is nothing wrong with that.

Take care of yourself and wishing you well with the exams.

I don't think going to therapy is pathetic, I think it's the opposite, it's really hard and takes a lot of energy, and motivation, and determination to carry it through. I too sometimes feel odd sharing private things, but I think they are better shared, I really believe it helps. I hope your exams go well, I'm in my 40's, and have had a few stressful periods in my life, doing my final exams was up there with the worst. It's good that you've been studying hard, but breaks are good too.

I have been in therapy all my life and I am so tired of someone constantly stepping on my foot and then asking me how it made me feel...in other words I GET IT AND CAN TOTALLY RELATE

Sent from my VK410 using Tapatalk

This is such awesome college advice. I wish i'd read it my freshman year instead of years after graduating.

Wishing you well, Anxious girl.

I'm sorry it's so difficult for you and that you seem to be missing out because of anxiety. In my experience though, your therapist is right - it's better to talk about things. When you keep anxiety private, the only person whose opinion and experience you have access to is yourself - and you are scared and don't find a solution, which is likely to scare you more and grow the anxiety rather than encourage living life with its (calculated) risks so that you can enjoy it. When you talk to someone else, particularly a good therapist (or someone else that you trust as well), you give them a chance to encourage you and offer different opinions and stories. Like any secret, in my opinion, unspoken anxiety just grows heavier, and you don't have to carry it alone - though I suppose the idea of sharing something so private can be scary and anxiety-provoking in and of itself sometimes.

I hope you continue to try though. Maybe with this therapist that you're seeing now or perhaps another one - I don't know the details of your therapy. But you certainly deserve to give yourself a chance.

Have you talked to your therapist about how to cope with upcoming exams? If you have, it's understandable how you might think therapy isn't working, and I think it's understandable either way that one gets upset when one put so much effort into a therapeutic process and yet the anxiety keeps coming back with such force. If you haven't discussed coping techniques with your therapist, it may be very helpful to do so, so that it may go better and more easily in this upcoming exam or at least in future ones.

You sound like you're struggling and it's sensible to ask for help rather than give up on it when you need it most, but at the same time your discouragement is also understandable. I hope you feel better soon and find the strength to focus and keep trying.

Your words ha e helped me as well thank you for your kind and well thought out comment.

Sent from my VK410 using Tapatalk

Thanks for all the answers. The weekend was really bad for me so last night I decided there's no way I'm going this week. I emailed to cancelled but instead of making up an excuse for not going I told T the truth. Now I'm going to wait to see if she's okay with it or still wants me to come in.

I don't know her, but if she's like other therapists, I think she's likely to take the tack that it's up to you. If you want to go, go. If you don't, don't. Don't decide based on whether she's okay with it or tells you to come in. You're the one with deciding power here, and to turn it over to her not only isn't a good idea, you're doing yourself a disservice.

Eta: what i'm trying to say is, don't be passive here. You made a decision...stay with it. It's actually a step towards feeling more in control, not just of therapy, but of life in general, including all the anxiety you feel about exams.

Thanks for this. I think the reason I told her the truth was because in session I can't even talk about certain things so this way she knows there's something up and maybe she can help me with it in a later session so I don't hide anything like I do all the time.

Glad to hear I could help.