Couch 105-The couch with no issues.

Girl, same brand and everything!! I love it!!

Christmas with family (including.a few unexpected guests) officially survived! Yes, I may be on beer #5 now, and my marriage counselor said Monday that my need to drink beer to get through family events is a red flag for an alcohol problem (we were discussing concerns about my drinking), but oh well. Will deal with that when it's not a big family holiday....

Still struggling even though I've tried hard to lift my spirits today. I feel so weighted down. Ugh.

My daughter...I can't even...

She needs to have holidays at her house...me at mine...then m.a.y.b.e. come over...from now on. I can't deal.

She is beyond spoiled and unreasonable. I guess spoiling her is my fault, though.
My best is never good enough.
She tried to pick a fight with me to make me feel bad...before she left the house after dinner.

Boy it's a good thing I had only one bottle of that wine. If I had had another one, I likely would have polished that one off too. It was that good!!! I am back to normal now and been playing with the kitten. She even posed pretty for a picture just now.

Ugh, anxiety and insomnia.. Merry Christmas to me!

Have you started your new job yet Healed?

I see you, baby, shakin' that ***,
shakin' that ***

I am drunk and alone....

I didn't think this through....I don't have anything to eat....

The worst! Don't drive, okay?

i am lying in the dark lidtening to vivaldi

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((((((BPa))))))

Nope, January 4th.

I gave in last night and took stuff to knock me out! I really needed to sleep! I know that T would link my recent upsurge of anxiety and insomnia to my new job. Subconsciously I can't be ok with good things happening to me therefore something is about to go wrong.

Ugh calgon take me away and bring another bottle of wine!! My son asked if he could spend the night at his girlfriends house tonight cuz they're going to be out late. Um NO. This is not okay. I am not ready for this.

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I hate thinking about parenting teenagers! Good luck with it

My living room is finally back to semi normal after the mess of opening and playing with all the kids new presents! Just have Lego creations everywhere!

It's quiet around here.. Cool whip?

My H and I were just talking about how my best friend was going to have a teenager in a year! And then we were like, "And we're going to have a teenager in four years!"

Which once upon a time four years felt like forever and now it's like "Oh, in four years my husband will be prepping for his 40th birthday..."

(Which is somewhat of a big deal in our house because that was around the age his father died suddenly so there's this anxiety in thinking about it not because of "getting old" but because of "dying young").

At least, when I told h what he'd asked, THIS time (for once) my h is in agreement with me. And the answer is still NO, you cannot spend the night at your girlfriend's house. He said "I don't want you to think bad of me and of her and think we are having sex or something stupid. " I told him we don't think bad of either one of you. We just don't want either one of you to put yourselves in a position where things could get out of control very quickly and you not be ready to deal with something like that. He said okay, I know you want the best for me, and didn't argue any farther. Then we went out to breakfast as a family which was nice.

It is so true what I read years ago when he was still a baby - something like "being a mother is like having your heart walking around outside of your body."

h actually helped me clean the house today, miracles do happen, we swept and mopped and went through accumulating papers. It looks much better!!

Couch is quiet today. Just that kind of day. We are just lazily sitting around, watching Harry Potter weekend, eating leftovers, reading, etc. We are waiting for the weather to come in so we can actually turn off the air conditioner -- odd Christmas weather. I think we will venture out tomorrow to see if we can see Star Wars. My sister sent us a movie gift card; such a sweetie.

My oldest wants to see Star Wars so much I told him I'd take him after the new year. I'm a sci-fi geek but Star Wars is one I've never been as into.

I've been doing housework, getting new clothes washed. Last night I ate something that was disagreeable to my stomach and I was worried I was getting that new strain of norovirus but... I was fine this morning and I've been fine all day. So it was just something I ate last night. Thank goodness. I hate tummy bugs.

H and I are just lazying around watching tv now. We didn't have any big wrapping-paper-cleanup this year since we didn't have any presents to unwrap. H is going to get a new computer chair at some point for his christmas present, and I got the kitten recently which counts as mine, and we bought our son the concert tickets for him and his friend. So no wrapping paper at my house...

I am starting to work on my attitude right now as far as work goes - January is our peak season and there's always overtime required. Usually I've worked what's required, but not extra.... this year I really want to work as much as they will let me work because at my new salary from the recent promotion, I make a little over $23.00 an hour for overtime and that will make some pretty paychecks..... I'm in a much better place emotionally and mentally than I was last January thanks to continued therapy, so I am thinking positive that I can do it!!

Mr Yacht my downstairs neighbour was going interstate sometime after Christmas but the stae he was going to one half is flooded and the other half is on fire, so we will probably have to put up with the sound of power tools and the smell of marine varnish still. Need a vomit icon.

I didn't sleep well last night usuallly I take my meds an hour before bed and I drift off nicely but I was still listening to music 3 hours after I lay down last night.