Does anyone have trouble identifying/naming their feelings in therapy?

This is just my experience, but something I figured out for myself (actually during a long break from therapy) about what has stifled my ability to be in touch with my feelings in the moment, is that various "predictive" labels I was given by my parents from a very young age (the worst being names they called me before I understood what they meant and long before I'd made the kind of intimate adult choices that might have remotely warranted them) meant that when I heard those words later, they stuck to me like the worst kind of glue. I couldn't easily experience whatever natural, real feelings I might have otherwise had, because of all the layers of mucky emotional residue they'd left on me.

I think it's all these layers one can have, made of various old feelings already convoluted, that can make it difficult to identify and name feelings in ways that make sense to others. But I no longer consider it trouble -- I just consider that there is something else there to look at. I'm at peace with my layers, which is good because from what I can tell I can repurpose them, but can't entirely eliminate them.

Back when they did this to me, I was hurt and confused; without understanding what they meant I could tell they wanted to be very hurtful. This created a delay for me: once I would come to later understand it, I would be hurt again, differently. Thus I ended up in a pattern of feeling things out of step with real time, and this continued for me for a very long time with no one at the reins. It helped once I was able to realize what was happening, and could accept the levels of complication that are involved for me; as I'm better able to identify an array of feelings I might have in a given moment, I have a better opportunity to feel them and not have them become just more residue. It's definitely "in progress" though. There are probably a couple of stray horses still on the run somewhere.

I sometimes do have trouble labeling my emotions, and a long time ago a T gave me a feeling wheel, which was revolutionary for me. It helped me be able to think about what I was feeling and label it.

I always knew I felt uncomfortable with emotions - something that increased the older I got. I've been accused of having aspergers a lot. I'm not - but I grew up in a household where any emotion I had was considered wrong. So I learnt to just ignore my emotions. That made them mad and try even harder to break me and pry emotions / distress out of me, and I was determined I would not let them win. Now its got so automatic I don't even know if I have any emotions.

They are completely separate from me, and Im only vaguely aware of them. Even things as basic as my T pointing out that Im cold - that often surprises me as I will be completely unaware I am shivering. My T will mention Im shivering and its only then it will dawn on me 'oh right! Im cold'! Sometimes I will be talking about bad things and I won't feel anything at all, but sometimes he will mention suitable emotions and I will be, like 'oh! Yeah! Im angry / sad / whatever'. Or I will understand that that knot in the pit of my stomach is an emotion I couldn't previously label. Urgh, Im no good at explaining this!

Thanks I'm glad i'm not alone. Does your T understand? or can you "use your words"?

Apparently according to my therapist, when asked how do I feel, I tend to reply:
Weird
Anxious
I don't know

My ex T often suggested emotions to me.

Maybe I should bring in a "feelings wheel" next time.

It is ' correspondences ' and it's not unusual. It's also called PSI ( Psychology - Slander - Intuition ) and it's what I used in my thread ' If your T was a cake what would they be? ' So something is "like " something else ( anything you can think of : car , musical instrument etc ). So Sylvester Stallone might be like a bull , Brittany Spears might be like a Venus Fly Trap.A feeling might be like a clarinet , or an orange blob and Stopdogs T might be like a nut fruit cake!

Your experiences with emotions and being out of step with real time sounds a bit like my experiences. I'm not sure, however, that my caretakers assigned labels to me, so much as intimated in a very subtle way. Not being able to identify or name my feelings in therapy is probably more of a issue for me than my T, but it is one that needs attention, for my therapy's sake. Thanks for sharing...your details are worth me spending some time on the similarities to my life.

I wonder how many therapy clients really have this trouble...??!!?? I wish my T would give me some guidance like a 'cheat sheet' or 'feeling wheel." Perhaps, I just need to ask. Not knowing is frustrating for me, which doesn't help the therapy process.

I wish I didn't understand as well as I do. I'm sorry if having difficulty identifying your emotions causes you distress...it does me.

Apparently, I'm going to have to ask for one!

I am ashamed to talk about my emotions and or feelings. I feel selfish and guilty for my feelings most times. My husband is uncomfortable with my display of emotions and growing up I would be severely punished for displaying anger or sadness. As an adult my husband will give me the silent treatment if I express anger or sadness. So it is very hard for me to express and talk about my feelings and emotions. If I feel like iI may get emotional I will isolate. T says we will work on this, hope he has a clue cause I sure as hell don't!!!!

I sometimes just have a hard time identifing what I want to say about what is bothering me, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed so I take it out on my T in a really hostile angry way. Especially lately he's been catching the short end of it.

I always say, "I feel like..." Which used to drive my old therapist crazy. She'd say, "that's a sentence not an emotion," or "that's what you feel, not what you think."

My new one hasn't said anything like that, which is a refreshing change.

You can find charts and wheels on the internet

Not now. I've been fairly articulate the last ten years, mainly because I read a lot I think. Good novels describe feelings in situations very well 😊

Yes, I did a lot in the beginning, I too grew up in an environment where feelings were bad and I was punished for having them. For me it turned into this: "Feelings are bad. And if feelings are bad, because I have so many feelings that I'm not allowed to have/talk about/express, then I am bad." It is only within the last year of therapy that I came to the life-changing realization that "Feelings are not bad. And if feelings are not bad, then I am not bad for having them and I never was." That was a huge day for me, one of those corner-turning moments of my therapy.

But even with that happening, I STILL have trouble sometimes with t trying to talk about certain feelings. It seems that it is very difficult work to change those core beliefs or whatever they are. Just last week I was trying to explain how I felt about something and I could not say what I was feeling I just couldn't.

Thanks...I looked yesterday because I've been overwhelmed this week with a feeling I ID'd last week as 'helpless'. I haven't been able to figure out why, if I felt helpless, did I also feel terrified...? Duh. That little feeling wheel is a life-saver.......literally.

Me, too. I don't take it out on my T, but just sit and brood about all of the things that are wrong with me, including the fact that I can't even get a grip on what I want to communicate!! It's like my brain took a vacation...

Forgive my denseness, here, but if your T wanted you to tell her what you felt, did she expect just a one word description? Sometimes I'll tell T, "I feel like..." when I'm not totally sure what I feel - sort of like a lead in. I can't just blurt out one word to communicate what I feel unless I'm really, really certain, which is almost never.

I'm glad your new T sounds more reasonable - or understands a bit better.

Forgive me if I've replied, already, but I don't recall it. Anyway, you're so right about reading and finding emotions described in books a good way to become more familiar with one's own feelings. I was a literature major in college (not very useful - until maybe now). Thanks.

Yeah I have that problem. Not sure if I feel afraid of facing the emotions or truly don't have a word for it.