[AnxiousGirl]

First off, happy new year to everyone!

I'm in sort of a bind here. My month has been extremely stressful. School was crazy during finals (luckily everything went well and I still have a few days off), but now the problem is therapy. As some of you may know, 2 weeks ago, when I was under stress, I emailed my T saying that I did not have the energy or desire to go to session that week. My T fully understood and let me reschedule the session. So I went last week and told T a bit of what was going on like school stress and stuff but I didn't tell T the truth about why I was feeling so down. My T did notice that I looked stressed and less interactive in session and I just kept saying it was just school stress. So anyways, I didn't have a session this week due to the holidays but I do have one next week. Again I dont want to go because I'm just going to sit there and not be able to tell T the truth and then come home and feel absolutely horrible about myself. So im thinking.. I want to email T and say that I dont want to come in to the session because I have a lot on my mind and I'm just not ready to talk about it yet (this way at least T knows there is something on my end). Is this a good idea? Or is it just a cowards way out?

Thank you !

[stopdog]

I cancel, regroup, and go back after a break feeling better about the whole thing.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I cancel, regroup, and go back after a break feeling better about the whole thing.

Do you tell T the truth about why you cancel? Or you keep that out.

[ilikecats]

I don't know what I do when I don't feel like going to therapy, because I always feel like going to therapy. But maybe you could decide based on what would be the most helpful to you. It sounds like it might be hard for you to go because of stress and difficulty telling your T things, but it also sounds like there's some stuff you might want to talk about at some point. Maybe write things down and bring it, or tell her something through voicemail. I've left a voicemail before when it was hard for me to say something in person, and that was really helpful for me. Or maybe do a phone session instead of an in person one. Or just email and cancel the session if you really don't want to talk about things yet. Whatever you choose to do is fine. And if you cancel, it's not the cowards way out, it's just that you don't feel up to going right now, and that's okay.

[stopdog]

If she asks I do, but she rarely does. I don't feel compelled to explain myself to the woman in general. I usually just say I am going to cancel and I will be back on X date if she is available.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by ilikecats

I don't know what I do when I don't feel like going to therapy, because I always feel like going to therapy. But maybe you could decide based on what would be the most helpful to you. It sounds like it might be hard for you to go because of stress and difficulty telling your T things, but it also sounds like there's some stuff you might want to talk about at some point. Maybe write things down and bring it, or tell her something through voicemail. I've left a voicemail before when it was hard for me to say something in person, and that was really helpful for me. Or maybe do a phone session instead of an in person one. Or just email and cancel the session if you really don't want to talk about things yet. Whatever you choose to do is fine. And if you cancel, it's not the cowards way out, it's just that you don't feel up to going right now, and that's okay.

Thanks for the answer. If I were to email and cancel, is telling T the truth beneficial or should I just say I'm busy? The only reason why I would want to say the truth is so that the next time I go my T could sort of help me speak about it rather than have no clue im hiding things.

[JaneTennison1]

I just go. I figure I will never feel comfortable enough to talk if I keep skipping appointments. Sometimes a break is needed and sometimes I am trying to avoid and I've never beaten a problem by avoiding it.

[lostmyway21]

Lol I'm considering no showing to therapy next week... Just because he really pissed me off this week, and I'm trying to 1) get even 2) make sure I don't destroy our relationship by saying some regretful inappropriate stuff. Just call to reshedule, not a big deal.

[ilikecats]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks for the answer. If I were to email and cancel, is telling T the truth beneficial or should I just say I'm busy? The only reason why I would want to say the truth is so that the next time I go my T could sort of help me speak about it rather than have no clue im hiding things.

I think telling her the truth about why you're cancelling would be helpful, because otherwise this same situation could happen again next time you have an appointment. But if she knows there are things you eventually want to talk about, she'll be able to help you. But if you aren't comfortable telling her about it yet, that's totally okay too.

[stopdog]

You don't, in my opinion, have to say anything except that you are cancelling for the next appointment but will be at the appointment on X if you have regularly scheduled ones. Or that you will call and set up an appointment if you don't have regular ones. I would not say I was busy if I just decided I did not want to go.
Do you want the therapist to try to talk you into going to the appointment?

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for the replies to everyone so far. I think I should tell T that the reason I'm cancelling is because there is a lot on my mind and I'm not ready to talk about it yet so that my T knows what to help me with in the future. I'm really good at hiding things and my T even says that sometimes its hard to figure out if I'm hiding things or not. This will help us both I guess.

[JaneTennison1]

You don't have to say why you are cancelling but I don't see what's to stop the situation happening again and again. I'm not judging because you can't face anything until you are ready.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

You don't have to say why you are cancelling but I don't see what's to stop the situation happening again and again. I'm not judging because you can't face anything until you are ready.

I completely agree. And I know that if I cancel now, then next week if I dont feel like I can talk about I'll cancel again and I figure that if T knew why I'm cancelling this week, then there won't be a concern as to why I'm cancelling week after week. I know avoiding it won't help but it's easier than facing it.

[stopdog]

I quit once or twice a month when I first started going-for the first couple of years. For me, the therapist seems to think mere cancelling was a step up. I need space. For me, it is less about avoiding any topic than it is about my deep ambivalence about therapy as an endeavor

[JaneTennison1]

Avoiding is always easier but sometimes it's time to show up. When it's time for you then you will. Don't be hard on yourself for taking the path you need to.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

Avoiding is always easier but sometimes it's time to show up. When it's time for you then you will. Don't be hard on yourself for taking the path you need to.

Thanks for that. I think for, for my sake, admitting the truth as to why I'm cancelling would be more beneficial than just letting all this eat me up inside.

[Suraya]

You don't need to offer a reason for canceling. When you feel the time is right to go back, you will. Then, if it feels right to talk about it, you can bring it up. If it doesn't feel like you need to, then you can just talk about what you need to talk about at that time. You're in charge of your therapy.

[JaneTennison1]

For sure. It's a big step the right way and hopefully T can help you discuss this next time.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

For sure. It's a big step the right way and hopefully T can help you discuss this next time.

I definitely won't go into detail though. I'll simply say there are some stuff on my mind I want to sort out alone and I'm just not ready to talk about. That should be enough.

[divine1966]

I don't think you need to explain. Just cancel and reschedule. If you want to tell her at next appt then you could

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don't think you need to explain. Just cancel and reschedule. If you want to tell her at next appt then you could

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thats the issue. I cancelled 2 weeks ago because of this then went to an appointment the week after and didn't bring it up at all. Now i'm doing the same thing and then if I go again next week I'm not going to bring it up again. I'm literally stuck.

[magno11789]

I'd say if you want to cancel just cancel and reschedule. You can just say your busy or something came up. You don't have to tell your T anything unless you want to. You could always tell your T in your next appointment if you want to. It be a productive session, but you don't have to if you don't want to.

[AnxiousGirl]

Totally understand everyone saying that I'm not obligated to tell my T why I'm cancelling. I thought maybe it'll be a benefit for both of us because it's hard for T to know that I'm hiding something and harder for me to talk about it. This way if I tell T there is something on my mind at least we'll both know and find a way to address it.

If it were me, and it has been many times, I would go in, email her, call her, snail mail her, text her, or whatever to convey to her "there is something on my mind", and it causes me to cancel or want to cancel my sessions with her. Ask me about it if I don't bring it up. Meant therapist are just not good at guessing what's on our minds.

Good luck...

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Totally understand everyone saying that I'm not obligated to tell my T why I'm cancelling. I thought maybe it'll be a benefit for both of us because it's hard for T to know that I'm hiding something and harder for me to talk about it. This way if I tell T there is something on my mind at least we'll both know and find a way to address it.

Sounds like you think it's a good idea to tell her. I think you're right. Hope it goes well.