does everyone really think this?

I'm sorry you feel that way, eden. I understand struggling with university, as my BA was supposed to take three years and I'm currently on year six, still trying to finish my third year. It's very hard.

However, when you say things that suggest you are going to end your life, I feel obligated to tell you that you do have a choice: you can choose to ask for help. I'm sorry, but reality is far less scary than what you are experiencing, and I desperately want for you to discover that and join us in it. Even if that means taking medication, which, YES, is less than ideal, but if the alternative is killing yourself I really don't see how medication could be any worse than that. If you try it and you don't like it, you can always stop, but at least you will have tried.

The medication can get you well enough to really make use of your therapy. Before I was stabilised on mine, there was no point in me seeing a therapist because I was not in a mental state where it would have been beneficial to me. But now I am, and therapy has helped me so much since I started it three years ago.

I know you are going to be mad at me for this post, but I cannot just sit back and accept that someone wants to suffer because they think they don't have any other choice, when they do. You have a choice, eden. Let the professionals do their jobs, they went to university for many years to get into those positions, and we all have to trust that they can help us (or at least help us to help ourselves).

Is there no part of you that wants to find out what life is like for the vast majority of the people around you? Don't you want to give yourself a chance to join them?

I really wish you would get rid of the people in your head, eden, as well as the demons. They are harming you. They clearly upset you, if you want to take your own life to get away from them. Unfortunately, it is ultimately up to you to figure out that there are ways to make them disappear instead of you, which is the alternative everyone who has replied to this thread would prefer. We all want you to live, eden. That's why we're here.

Please stay safe.

i literally CANT take meds like i cant. i dont have options they wont let me i have known that for a long time it i cant do that i only have one real option left.

I'm sorry that some people can't, won't or choose not to hear you.

I do hear her, I just won't stay passive when she says that her only option is to kill herself.

Whoa there young lady! I am talking about her parents and school...

Her real life, not what we as anonymous faceless people have to say to her.

Based on my life experience with similar kinds of concerns and an eating disorder that almost starved me to death, I wonder if you would like to talk to us some more about that? I know you don't want to go to a hospital but maybe there might be an eating disorder program somewhere that could help and would get you away from the family stress for awhile?

I'm glad you've been hanging on as much as you have. If there were a magic wand out here that could be waved over you, and your situation, to make things better, what would it do? Change the way your parents interact with you, take the demons away, give you unlimited money to go shopping with? Or something else?

What would the others do to you if you took medication? Would they get angry? Would they do something to punish you? What is going to happen?

Trigger
Wanting to end life at 19 before you truly have much of life experience is very sad. Many of us here are sad about it. Does your family know your thoughts that the only option is to die?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

How about Multiple Schlerosis? Is there new research? Yes that is sarcastic, at the same time let's not post opinions as facts, eh?

Why can't there be a correlation to Eden's not eating and Eden's emotional state?

I dont understand what you're saying. My point was that there is seemingly a huge difference between physical ailments and mental disturbances, in terms of what is known about the mechanism and cause, and just their basic nature.

Also the OP has said she finds the idea that her difficulties are medical in origin to be bothersome. My guess (I could be wrong) is that she means the idea that her brain is somehow broken and needs to be fixed, like a broken bone.

As for eating and emotional state, yea of course there is a connection. Why do you bring that up?

I guess there's a known cause for MS by your point? That's what I have. There's no known cause, just broad speculation. There's not much with such illness than symptom management. They've some disease modifying drugs that have some statistical base to reducing chance of future disability, but it's not perfect and I've declined further than the couple that I have tried. I choose self care at this stage of my remission. There's no cure.

I bring up self care because no matter if one treats their MI with traditional medicine or goes to an alternative route, sleep hygiene, nutrition and some form of exercise would be suggested as paths to recovery. There's no cure.

But with MS the mechanism is known right (damage to the myelin sheaths)? My point was that comparing physical disease to MI seems to throw a wrench in the the discussion (and upsets OP). MS is relatively straightforward compared to things like depression and psychosis, which are exponentially more abstract and mysterious and multi-facted.

I am sorry you have MS. That is terrible. I know someone who has researched it a bunch and found answers in strict dietary mods. I could PM you as we are obviously off topic now.

BTW I was dx'd with Lyme disease and have symptoms that overlap with MS. Some even theorize the former causes the latter.

No offence intended but neither of you are helping me right now and for the record my mother has MS also people say mental and physical illness are the same but they are not treated the same if someone is physically ill they are allowed to refuse treatment with terrible side effects but if someone is mentally ill they are not always given this right and yet people claim there is no different. So why are you treated like crap when it is supposedly your brain.

Usually when people are allowed to refuse treatment for an illness based on the negative side effects, those side effects are a known entity experienced by most people receiving the treatment. For example chemotherapy in some cases has very bad side effects.someone with a terminal cancer may choose to forego it. However if you have readily treatable cancer doctors do and will argue with you if you refuse treatment based on side effects.

If you refuse treatment because you THINK there will be bad side effects but those side effects are not known to.actually occur there will usually be LOTS of pressure placed on you. For example I had a heart attack and received a cardiac stent. Those are very safe and effective. If I had refused because I believed the stent would kill.me the doctor would have argued extensively with me because I would have been WRONG.

In general, psychoactive drugs are very safe. You might BELIEVE they are dangerous but that does not make it true.My UPS guy firmly believes my yellow lab is dangerous and wont get out of his truck if the lab is around. He's WRONG even though he believes the dog is dangerous.

Similarly you may believe the drugs are dangerous but that doesn't make it TRUE. In reality people take these medications all the time and do not get sick or die from them. So people argue with you because you've got your facts wrong. The facts say the drugs will help you, not kill you.