The Couch - CXII : The Tao of Couchies

a little melisssa this morning will clear away the nightmare.

She can take me home anytime!!

"Take My Number"

Ok I gotsta go to work now. Later couchies!

(((Darkness)))
I'm sorry this is happening to you Reading your post makes me so glad I got my kids out when I did.
My ex used to threaten me with divorce allll the time, but he never had any intention of leaving, he was just doing it to scare me. Like your mom I used to not eat as well. As to how much pain one person can cause. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. It is SO HARD to get out, and the longer you stay the harder it gets.
Stay strong Darkness. It is worth feeling for all the good things and good people that are out there (when I first left I was floored by just how caring people were, and continue to be). Numb has its place when you're in a bad situation. I speak from experience when I say it's probably better to keep yourself under wraps at home. Letting anything out opens you up to attacks. I've seen my ex do it to my daughter... Do you have friends at school that you are safe expressing yourself with?
Please try to remember that your parents' problems are what's causing all of the hurt. None of it is your fault.

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No, thank you
I just got done ditching that last one.

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No. I don't really have friends. That is one thing we are trying to fix, to get me to trust and stop hating myself enough to trust others and get close to them. We talked a little about emotions today. Not as much as I wanted, but I told him that was my plan for next week and he agreed. He recommended a new DBT group for me. Says he will see how much it is and if insurance will pay or not. He really wants me to go.

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I used to have friends before my situation isolated me. The memory keeps me going. And the internet. Internet friends are the best.
It is so hard to trust after you've been hurt. Hell, I feel like I don't even know how, I start to panic around people when I feel like I'm starting to get to know them. I stop myself sometimes and think WTF? What happened to me?!!
Hang in there girl. And like my T always tells me, be patient with yourself.
The group sounds like a great idea. Hope it works out.

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Does anyone know about or have any experience with Kratom? I have a son who is on medications for GAD and ADHD. He is agoraphobic because of the social anxiety. My oldest son sent me a link about Kratom being a natural alternative to medication for social anxiety and focus.

I was just curious if anyone had tried it or knew anything about it.

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It is heavily addictive and has some serious side effects. NYT article , Business Insider article

Yikes!! Thank you!! I'll check out the link.

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I hope the group works out, as well. But it just depends on insurance. I know how you feel, especially with my social phobia. I freak out whenever I get close to someone. I did that with my psychologist, and I left. But I managed to make my way back, and he is helping me tremendously! I'm trying to trust. And he tell me to stop being so mean to myself. Says he hates to see me do that as it is not fair to me. But it's so hard to not hate myself. Thanks for the support. This group is so wonderful!

Aww. Tonight is the district awards banquet, and I am receiving my 30-year service pin. The principal just brought me a lovely rose corsage to wear tonight. Very kind. Looking forward to a semi-fancy night out with my hubby.

How wonderful lolagrace! Thx for sharing that.

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I hope the banquet is fun.

I've never gone before, but I've heard it is a nice evening. I figured I deserved a night out after 30 years of teaching.

Girl, I don't know how you survived! I am only a student and can't stand the kids. I'm glad to be graduating. I hope you have fun!

I LOVE working with teenagers. I have a couple at home myself, so I truly do spend 24/7 with teenagers. They are ALWAYS interesting and intense and funny and in great need of advocacy from caring adults. I try to be that for them.

That's a good things. Kids do need that support. Especially teens. I am personally glad of the support my psychologist is giving me at the moment, and this group, as I am, very lost with everything. What grade do you teach? What subject?

I teach 11th grade English, both AP and regular classes. I teach in a very large school that has a large population of at-risk, socio-economically disadvantaged students from a diverse set of a racial and cultural backgrounds. For many of our students, our school is their most stable environment, and we take that responsibility very seriously.

That is a big responsibility. I loved my 11th grade English class. I hope you make it fun for the students! While I HATE school, we need teachers like you to help us teens. To show us learning can be fun and is not a bad thing. Thanks for teaching!

I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I don't know what I can do to myself that will hurt enough to be sufficient punishment for being a worthless waste of time, but will still not be noticeable to anyone else.

No, I know that that's not an approved topic of discussion and I'm not asking for suggestions or intending to say anything more about it. I know I'll end up doing nothing as always. Because I am a coward, too.

I'm so sorry Crocus, I wish you could feel me hugging you from all the way over here!

I'm sorry you feel that way.
I know it won't help if you are anything like me, but I don't think you are a waste of time or that you deserve to be punished. And I don't think you are a coward. Just posting on here is courageous. I know. You don't believe me. But I just felt like telling the truth.

Does saying I understand those feelings, especially right now help any? . I don't think you're worthless, I find you a worthwhile and lovely individual, and I'm glad I 'know' you.

I am so sorry you are feeling so low. I wish there was something we could say to convince you of your value. I know I value you here. Be gentle with yourself, physically and emotionally. You are worthy of care.

That thing I told the spouse?
Didn't go as well as I thought.
He keeps saying he's okay.
And it will be okay.
He's not and I'm not sure it will.
This sucks.
Seriously need to just change my name and disappear.