[AnxiousGirl]

Hey all! Sorry for posting so much but since I'm on summer break, therapy is pretty much all thats going for me until I start work next week.

I had a session today after sending my T an email about things ive kept in, and we didnt go deep into the email, but more about why it's important to talk about feelings and not hold them in. Then, after that my T said this. "I like how you are emailing me your thoughts and I think I want that to be a weekly thing. You dont HAVE to email me, but if you have any feelings/thoughts then I would like to have those emailed".

Now im thinking, does she want me to email her? Or is she saying that just to be nice (my mind is just making scenarios up right now). I want to talk about some health anxiety/topics related to the email next week but until then I dont know if I should email her or try to deal with things on my own.

What would you take out of that? Thank you all for your continued support Much appreciated.

[Waterbear]

I would take it as it seems, she is happy to receive communication if you want to. Maybe she sees it is easier for you to get out your thoughts etc by email. I know it is for me and my T seems happy with it though my self doubt sure does creep in sometimes.

Maybe just go with it for now and try to see how you both feel with it. If she is open to talking about things like your relationship and contact agreements, boundaries etc it will make it easier.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

I would take it as it seems, she is happy to receive communication if you want to. Maybe she sees it is easier for you to get out your thoughts etc by email. I know it is for me and my T seems happy with it though my self doubt sure does creep in sometimes.

Maybe just go with it for now and try to see how you both feel with it. If she is open to talking about things like your relationship and contact agreements, boundaries etc it will make it easier.

Thanks for the reply! My T has always encouraged emailing as a way to contact her and tell her things that I hide, but like you, my thoughts usually tell me I'm a bother or I should be able to say these things face to face. I guess I can wait until my next session (Monday) and see if my T says anything about not emailing her.

[Waterbear]

I have been taking a different tack recently. If I have been questioning and debating over whether I should or not I have just been doing it. I am new with this T though so all is up on the air at the moment. I do feel better for getting it all off my chest and once it is done at least I am not stewing over whether to or not but instead I stew over the things you mention, bring a bother or stupid for not being able to do it I'm person. Can't seem to win against myself some days!

If you feel you want to wait then that is probably right for you, if you want to email then that is probably right. IG it is 50/50 then that is a bit more tricky!! Hope it makes it easier whatever you chose.

[musinglizzy]

My T has always asked me to Email her, because she knows I disclose more that way. I'd say, if your T "gave you permission" basically to Email her once a week with an update...give it a try and see what happens. Go by how you feel. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. There came a time where I would Email my T on Sunday nights because I knew she'd bug me on Monday about "why didn't I hear from you all weekend?" Well, we're kinda passed that now, because I'm not Emailing her like I used to. So I quit Emailing her because SHE wanted me to....and only Email when I want to.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Hey all! Sorry for posting so much but since I'm on summer break, therapy is pretty much all thats going for me until I start work next week.

I had a session today after sending my T an email about things ive kept in, and we didnt go deep into the email, but more about why it's important to talk about feelings and not hold them in. Then, after that my T said this. "I like how you are emailing me your thoughts and I think I want that to be a weekly thing. You dont HAVE to email me, but if you have any feelings/thoughts then I would like to have those emailed".

Now im thinking, does she want me to email her? Or is she saying that just to be nice (my mind is just making scenarios up right now). I want to talk about some health anxiety/topics related to the email next week but until then I dont know if I should email her or try to deal with things on my own.

What would you take out of that? Thank you all for your continued support Much appreciated.

I would take that to mean that if you have the need to email your t, you have permission to do just that. It's nice your t recognizes the importance of getting your feelings out. Sounds like the email thing works for the both of you.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks all. I would like to email but again the whole being a bother thing is interfering with it. I even asked her if I was and she said absolutely not since it helps us both. I guess I'll go by what each day brings until the session.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks all. I would like to email but again the whole being a bother thing is interfering with it. I even asked her if I was and she said absolutely not since it helps us both. I guess I'll go by what each day brings until the session.

I used to feel like a huge pest to my t with out of session contact. My t wrote, "You are not a bother!!" on a sticky note for me one day and I put it on my laptop. Made it easier for me to send the emails. Might you write what your t said on a sticky note and stick it to your computer? The reaffirmation might help you, too.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree that she wants you to e-mail. I send some pretty long ones to my T, and she understands that it's part of how I process things, and I don't expect a response, so she's fine with it. And that way, I don't feel like I have to spend all session filling her in on the background of something. Though today, she commented on how detailed my e-mail was about my most recent marriage counseling session, how I was able to relay back what each person was saying, and she was impressed that I remembered it all. I was like, "Yeah, sorry for giving you the real-time recap, but it helps me process it, too. Maybe I should just save it in a file on my computer instead of sending it all to you..." but she said it was fine.

[ruh roh]

I don't know how you can take a statement like that any other way than as an invitation to email. It's very straightforward. A therapist is not going to say something like that if they are feeling conflicted about it. It's not like being told to go ahead and have the last slice of pizza, where there's a good chance the other person is being polite and hoping you say no.

I wonder...what would your therapist have to say to make it sound clear to you that they would like you to email (or are fine with emails)?

[atisketatasket]

I doubt very much there is a therapist out there who would invite a client to email just to be polite. That could backfire - like taking the last piece of pizza when in fact the other person is being polite (great analogy) - only worse.

[AnxiousGirl]

Yeah you guys are all right. I know my T wouldn't just say it unless she meant it, but again it's that voice in my head that always comes in saying I'm a bother (not just in this situation, anytime I text someone or call someone too). I just have to get
Past that !

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks all. I would like to email but again the whole being a bother thing is interfering with it. I even asked her if I was and she said absolutely not since it helps us both. I guess I'll go by what each day brings until the session.

I just want to say I am going through this exact thing right now. The past two weeks, I"ve felt extremely ashamed of my need to e-mail my T during the week. We talked about it a bit on monday, and she reassured me I am not bothering her, and have nothing to be ashamed about.

Well, that didn't last...and last night I e-mailed her a long message, and today spent all morning regretting it. I was beating myself up for "giving in" and emailing her again so soon after a session, when it could wait. She e-mailed me back a response, and it was ok...except I read a subtext in it that she was COMPLETELY annoyed with me. She wanted me to stop self-medicating for my depression, and do healthier things (ie: stop bothering her!!)

I was on the verge of tears, and decided to try and be brave and directly asked her if she was upset at me at all. I told her that it would almost be a relief to hear she was sick of me, because I keep waiting and waiting for it. I told her I felt like I was about to throw up all over my phone, i was so anxious.

She wrote back that she wasn't upset at me at all, and it would be really gross if i threw up all over my phone haha.

It is HARD. My doubts aren't magically disappearing about this, because I still am convinced I am annoying. For right now, she seems ok with this constant reassurance.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by velcro003

I just want to say I am going through this exact thing right now. The past two weeks, I"ve felt extremely ashamed of my need to e-mail my T during the week. We talked about it a bit on monday, and she reassured me I am not bothering her, and have nothing to be ashamed about.

Well, that didn't last...and last night I e-mailed her a long message, and today spent all morning regretting it. I was beating myself up for "giving in" and emailing her again so soon after a session, when it could wait. She e-mailed me back a response, and it was ok...except I read a subtext in it that she was COMPLETELY annoyed with me. She wanted me to stop self-medicating for my depression, and do healthier things (ie: stop bothering her!!)

I was on the verge of tears, and decided to try and be brave and directly asked her if she was upset at me at all. I told her that it would almost be a relief to hear she was sick of me, because I keep waiting and waiting for it. I told her I felt like I was about to throw up all over my phone, i was so anxious.

She wrote back that she wasn't upset at me at all, and it would be really gross if i threw up all over my phone haha.

It is HARD. My doubts aren't magically disappearing about this, because I still am convinced I am annoying. For right now, she seems ok with this constant reassurance.

Right!! No matter how many times my T reassures me that I'm not a bother, I still think shes just saying that out of politeness and everytime she gets an email she gets sick of it and says ugh not again!

I am going to force myself to not email my T until the next session to see if she noticed that I didnt and ask why I didnt. Although, I am planning on opening up more next session because lately ive been gaining more trust and safety with my T, finally after nearly 2 years. I just hope things get easier. I had no clue opening up would ever be this hard!

[Pennster]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Right!! No matter how many times my T reassures me that I'm not a bother, I still think shes just saying that out of politeness and everytime she gets an email she gets sick of it and says ugh not again!

I am going to force myself to not email my T until the next session to see if she noticed that I didnt and ask why I didnt. Although, I am planning on opening up more next session because lately ive been gaining more trust and safety with my T, finally after nearly 2 years. I just hope things get easier. I had no clue opening up would ever be this hard!

How will you feel if she doesn't ask? Do you think that you might then conclude that she doesn't really want you to email? Why not try experimenting by emailing and seeing how that works for you, if you think it might help you make progress?

I always think that my therapist just wants me to make progress. We're a team, and our joint goal is for me to strengthen myself to deal with everything better. I email him, because it helps me. He is happy to read it, because he is wishing me well and trying to understand better how to help me.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Pennster

How will you feel if she doesn't ask? Do you think that you might then conclude that she doesn't really want you to email? Why not try experimenting by emailing and seeing how that works for you, if you think it might help you make progress?

I always think that my therapist just wants me to make progress. We're a team, and our joint goal is for me to strengthen myself to deal with everything better. I email him, because it helps me. He is happy to read it, because he is wishing me well and trying to understand better how to help me.

Youre right. The logical part of me is saying that I should because my T is encouraging it so much and it helps us both out. The irrational annoying part is saying that I shouldnt and I'm a bother. But honestly, if it helps me, then I think I should just do it, who cares what anyone thinks (I wish it was that easy :P )

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for the replies. I decided to email a brief email asking something about next session instead of just writing it all out on the email itself.

[Waterbear]

Good for you, does your T reply to your emails??

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

Good for you, does your T reply to your emails??

My T replies all the time unless she or I are out of town. Now that I think about it more though, I sort of don't want to send an email. See how I change my mind so much !