The Couch 115: Corduroy Pillows Are Making Headlines!

That's harsh, ilikecats, and I'm sorry you're feeling sad. Yes, having a relationship first and then progressing to sex is best but some of us have intimacy issues that makes that difficult. I say, if you need a **** buddy right now in your life, then don't feel guilty about it. If you need a different type of relationship, I agree that he may not be the one to provide that for you. In any case, I wish you healing.

morning couch, i'm feeling better this morning, i had that talk with t in my head last night before I fell asleep and i told her everything i shared here and i learned (or remembered?) a very basic thing about myself - when i get overwhelmed by life-stuff, the best thing I can do for myself and the world at large is to put up the 'sorry we're closed' sign and go inside myself a la greta garbo "i want to be alone" for awhile. How I could forget that about myself, I don't know.

Anyway, thanks for putting up with me last night. Closing myself in my office-room last night and being here with my couchies was exactly what the dr ordered - 'alone' from the external stimuli that was too much (h etc), but still 'with' people who understand my particular brand of crazy.... I loves you guys.

Now I must go to work. Have a good day, y'all.

So glad you are feeling better!! Have a super day!!

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i have another doc apt today with an endocrinologist. my NP says that there is not much more she can do to help my diabetes. oh well here we go . did i say how much i hate docs but my NP did say if these people get my sugar under control she can take over again with the meds . my step mother had surgery for bladder cancer and had the appointment yesterday to get the biopsy results .as usual my upstanding father decides he needs to go on a fishing trip instead of support his wife . asks me if i will take her .i kind of made a face because i could see what is coming with all this .but asked what time . he got all huffy and said i needed to ask her and left . BUT then went back and told my step mother i didnt want to do it . anyway as he is having a great time fishing with his buddies im home with his wife getting the news that she has the rarer more aggressive form of bladder cancer and is going to need to go back to surgery in a few weeks giving time for this last one to heal so he can determine if the cancer has reached the muscle. if so they will need to remove the bladder . he told her it has been caused by smoking and she needs to stop .(she smoked 3 cigarettes on the 15 min ride home ) and my farther who did call to see how thing went but still felt no need to come home and support his wife. thats my job . am i horrible for not wanting this job especially if they have to remove her bladder . he wont care for her . she did nothing for me growing up except for kick me out the first chance she got when my father was not around to stop her . why do famlies have such a sense of entitlement when it comes to me . all of them do . give me money ,take care of me when im sick, and so on and so on . NONE of them did this for me .but it is ingrained in me to be the good daughter . i will begrudgingly do whatever is expected of me and come here and complain .or go to therapy and complain ,to which my T will respond by telling me not to do it . just not getting the point of how i cant . it is true that i am always in a state of anxiety and panic and anger .it is taking a horrible toll on my body . im tired and just so alone .the funny thing is noone would ever even think of helping me if i needed it in any way . you know thats what my husband is for .

Morning, couchies.

Slept maybe 2 hours? T in a few hours. I'm nervous, going to discuss what I don't want to discuss. Going to be hard to start the conversation but I don't need to worry or be nervous because she's always understanding, patient, and kind. Just nervous because it's personal about her. Maybe I can get her to just stay back, let me talk, and hopefully take the emotions out of the room and discuss the situation from afar.

Husband is home in a couple of days now. Nervous. We're both nervous. We have a great relationship and he's incredibly understanding. It'll just be trying to get used to being house mates for awhile, and then he'll leave again.

Thanks for all the support yesterday, I appreciate it.

Thanks for all the responses guys! I really appreciate it.

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Blah... I have to leave for work in about 20 mins and I am not dressed nor do I have make up on.. I don't wanna go!!!!!

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pbutton's thread caused me to go back and look at the old threads I started. I realized the last thread I started was in November 2015, and it was not about anything really personal. The last thread I started before that was October 2014. huh. That was really interesting to me. Apparently when I said I wasn't going to discuss things off the couch anymore, I was really serious about that.

Hankster/unaluna, when was your last thread start?

Oh, for some reason I thought AZ time difference was like an hour from us east coasters. Sorry Art-though I've talked to my T inebriated, it wasn't fun remembering that the next morning. I'm glad you feel better today!
Oh!! THANK YOU for reminding me to take my medication! Sometimes I am in a rush in the morning and shove them in my pocket, erroneously thinking I will remember to take them once I get to work. Never do.

Story. Of. My. Life.
Yes! I love the term "secret delights!"

I don't know why anyone would find it sad or offensive to hear you get outside perspective on how you react to things or people or yourself and to see if it is "rational" or not.
I am glad you get that from your T!

Oh Granite

What is the worst that could happen if you say no to all these awful family members that suck the life out of you? You realize that is what is happening, right? They are soul suckers. If they get mad, that is ok. So what? They treat you like shite anyway, let them effing deal with their own problems. And no you are not a horrible person to not want to take care of your step-mother through this cancer stuff. That is what a husband is for.

If one day you cut your family out, I probably will have a party for you. I understand that you feel like you can't-but I hope one day you gather the strength to realize you are a strong independent person who will be and feel so much better without a bunch of soul-sucking leeches all over your body/

Well this game is going swimmingly.

Consider it another step towards next year's No. 1 draft pick.

My team is already in that position, not sure they're going to climb out of it. But I appreciate the positivity you're trying to bring lol

(I swear positivity was a word... is it not all you english peoples?)

Positivity is totally a word! In fact it gives me an idea for a song:



Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positivity
E-limi-nate the negativity
Latch on to the affirmativity



Pretty, original, huh?!

The only serious threat to your No. 1 pick is the Twins. And since Blair is on my team, today I feel your pain.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry about my team this year.... but I've been a diehard fan since I was at least 6?

Their bullpen is either way on or way off. I do like our new manager though, he's making good, subtle, but good changes.

Having Blair on your team today.... ouch - I offer my condolences, that 5th was rough.

I made up music in my head to your song - I like!

A local magazine referred to a local store owner as a local yocal. Apparently that's fine with Google too.

Ellahmae wasnt it toi who introduced us to parole de chat? I am worse than hopeless at finding new stuff on the interwebs but I am very appreciative when others point me to something. And I usually do remember.

@@ - I signed up for unlimited kindle to get a sugar free cook book which it then wouldn't let me see. Wtf? But hopefully it will let me get Moby. And Bartleby. Who Google is also unaware of!! I see a need here!

Eta - MKAC - oopsie! It's been a while. Hey, cut me a break- I'm in mourning! nope, still can't say it without laughing...

Yes! I did mention it on the couch once, they are great videos I am glad you enjoy them.

Here - free Melville (although they would need to pay me to read him again):
Books: herman melville (sorted by popularity) - Project Gutenberg

And if you need more info on how to:
Project Gutenberg offers most of its books as free kindle books too.

You can download our free kindle books directly to your Kindle by pointing your Kindle browser to m.gutenberg.org.

Or you can download them to your PC and then transfer them to the Kindle via USB cable. Consult your Kindle manual. For guidance about different types of mobile devices and formats, view the Project Gutenberg Mobile Reader Devices How-To.
http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Free_Kindle_Books

Granite, I have been thinking a lot about what you posted. My heart goes out to you, but I am not sure what to say. I remember thinking that telling my family 'no' was just not an option. Eventually, I realized it was an option, but that is a long slow process. Unaluna was actually helpful to me in coming to that realization. Want to chime in here, Una/Hankster?

I also want to say, Granite, that I am in the process of learning that no is an actual word, especially when it comes to my family it's impossible, but after so many years I'm finally able to think it could be an option even though I still can't do it yet, at least acknowledging it is a huge small step for me. It is a looooooooooooonnnnnggggg sllllooooooooooooooooooowwww process... Wish you the best in your journey with it. Thinking of you.

Well - it comes with being ostracized after the old ones are gone, if not before. At least it is for me. If they have any kind of financial hold over you, which I think is part of granites issue, you're kinda screwed unless you can resolve that. I had other relatives who were willing to step in and take care of her, be there for her. My only excuse is, she didn't abuse them like she did me. She was nicer to them because she "had" to be. I spent years worried she WAS going to come after me financially. Or that we were gonna end up on judge Judy.

Then I realized she had probably cheated me out of more than I had ever cheated her and that she wasn't willing to address that. That's our ace in the hole. The truth will get them to back off. You don't have to go to the relatives with it. I don't care that my cousins and aunts etc think I'm a selfish creep. They had a mom. I did not. I'm in therapy. They are not. They have families. I don't.

What's so weird is my aunts calling me now, like trying to take my mother's place in bossing me around. In their effing dreams.

You'd think a T would know to be really really clear about that.

Absolutely not! This is a job nobody wants.

I got the "no" bit it was the bit about being sexually attracted to clients I wasn't quite sure about which kind of undermines the "no" in my thinking. I remember starting a thread about it and others agreed it was ambiguous.

ETA I have just looked back and the "no" was implied but stated if that makes sense.

I don't remember the exact date, but it was during the Tet Offensive.

I'm sorry...that sucks If you're getting attached to him, and he doesn't seem interested in more than just sex, I'd suggest ending things. Or at least starting to look elsewhere for someone to date. I was in a "relationship" like that at one point and kept trying to convince myself that I was fine with it as it was, but I ended up having true feelings for him and wanting more, which he wasn't willing to give. It eventually just sort of faded out, as I wanted more from him and he started avoiding/not returning my calls.

If you feel like a relationship is what you want, then try to find someone else who might want that, too. (I know, easier said than done...) Otherwise, you'll just end up getting hurt...