feeling awful

I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I just want to leave work and go home, get in bed and stay there.

I can barely even type. I've been decreasing my meds slowly for weeks now so I don't think it is that.

I just feel like everything is a mess with me. My marriage is declining fast on my end of things, my family needs to be out of my life, I'm not passing my exams for the certification I need...and I allowed someone destructive back into my life...

I can't even face T on Wednesday. I was so happy last week and now the reality of everything is hitting me.

What I mean is this time last year, I felt the same way about all of the above. Nothing has changed at all except I got rid of a bad job and now have a better one.

I thought I was making so much progress. I'm not making any it seems to me right now.

I'm wasting his time and mine...

((((((((almeda)))))))))))

I'm so sorry . Know that we care. Hoping you can reach out to your T for support.

almeda...Im so sorry your going through such a rough time.
I know what its like to not want to face T because you've screwed up.It feels almost shameful I know but your T is there for you no matter what.He should be equipped to handle disappointment and still guide you.
good luck

almedafan, I'm sorry you are feeling bad. (((hugs)))

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I've been decreasing my meds slowly for weeks

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Are you trying to go off of them? Could decreased doses be contributing to making you feel bad?

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My marriage is declining fast on my end of things, my family needs to be out of my life

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By family, do you mean your husband and child? Or your brother/mother/father? I think it is a good sign that you can perceive a decline. That can be a first step to taking positive action to make things better. Much better than head in the sand, "everything's fine" attitude (which I tend to do).

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I allowed someone destructive back into my life

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Can you reverse this?

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What I mean is this time last year, I felt the same way about all of the above. Nothing has changed at all except I got rid of a bad job and now have a better one.

I thought I was making so much progress. I'm not making any it seems to me right now.

I'm wasting his time and mine...

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Is this really true, almedafan? Could it be some black/white thinking creeping in? Progress can be measured in many ways. It seems to me you've been reaching out to your brother (including him in therapy) and mother. Maybe those efforts haven't led in the direction you had hoped, but we can't know unless we try things. And now maybe you will know to try a new direction. That's progress. And having a better job is progress too. Does your T think you are wasting his time? Does your T think you are making no progress? These are great questions to discuss with him. I think you will feel better when you see him on Wednesday.

I just tried to call my p-doc and she's on vacation. I have never felt like this. At lunch, I literally got lost coming back to the office and panic set in.

I'm just trying to get through this w/out prozac eventually. I have a book on how to decrease and wean off of antidepressants.

Maybe I forgot to take the 10mg this morning of Prozac. I was on 50 mg. I only really need the Adderall each day and this has been working for the last few weeks until today.

I shouldn't have done this though without talking to my p-doc. I can't see her now until August 16th.

I don't want to think about what T would say right now about all of this. I'm thinking he would be disappointed with me

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almeda24fan said:
I don't want to think about what T would say right now about all of this. I'm thinking he would be disappointed with me

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I don't think it is that helpful to speculate on what your T might say. Because there can be a tendencey to think the worst and then find out our T didn't think this at all. If possible, try not to think about what he might say and wait for him to tell you himself on Wednesday. Please don't be hard on yourself. You are in a hard spot right now as, among other things, your body adjusts to your changing meds. Can you go for a walk in the sun? Or the rain. Hug your child. Listen to some favorite music. Hang in there! (((hugs)))

Almeda, I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now.

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almeda24fan said:
I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I just want to leave work and go home, get in bed and stay there.

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I feel this way sometimes also. Sometimes that's just what I do after work and I think that's ok. Could you find something comforting to do afterwork this week? This is different for everyone...excersize, a walk, hot bath, a movie.

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almeda24fan said:I just feel like everything is a mess with me. My marriage is declining fast on my end of things,.

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I'm really sorry to hear this. Could you talk to your H about how you feel? If you can't do that yet, could it be a topic for T this week?

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almeda24fan said:I can't even face T on Wednesday. I was so happy last week and now the reality of everything is hitting me.

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I hope that you go on Wednesday. I know you've had some really great sessions lately. Maybe you can share some of what you just told us with your T.
Take care of yourself.

thanks everyone...I just logged on but I'd better go to bed. Have a good night