Apparently I need to move on

Good then that there is a selection to pick and choose from and that I found two who are detached and cold and indifferent - and if someone wants a punishing, thin skinned, control freak of a therapist, that they are out there too.

Okay, so this thread has been totally hijacked.


So, my experience with this --


- I was willing to pay out of pocket (no insurance) to repeatedly tell former T how she'd screwed up (in general but especially with respect to a very specific incident that happened about 10 months ago and which never got resolved to my satisfaction).


- She was willing -- more than willing, went out of her way in fact -- to make sure that I kept showing up i.e., kept paying up and did not terminate (I did finally terminate).


- However, and here's the kicker -- she (who's psychodynamic) was not willing to make any space for my anger. Not at all.


- In case anyone would like to inform me that her unwillingness was a projection of my no-doubt crazy mind etc -- nope, I relayed exact words to other Ts I interviewed (who generally were notoriously unwilling to acknowledge that any T could screw up) and every one of them (especially current T) said that what former T said / did in response to my anger was out of whack (what they attributed the out-of-whack-ness to was what they differed in but no one disputed that her responses were nutso).


- So yeah, this stuff about Ts "ethically" not wanting to take a client's money "just to listen" to them express their anger has well........little to do with what I experienced.


- Whether Ts should or shouldn't be willing to work with a client's anger is a different issue. I think it's a rather poor T who is unwilling to do it for as long as the client expresses a need. But, I understand that like every profession, there are a lot of lousy Ts out there and clients with low expectations of Ts (supply and demand etc) and so, if the "fit" in that sense exists, who am I to question?

No one said anything about thin skinned or controlling - that's just a judgement. People are different and you'll always find those that are controlling, thin skinned or mean, Ts and clients alike.

I have no problem with judging therapists. And I see the ones described by OP and others as being controlling, thin-skinned, mean and punishing not to mention the ones I have tried to protect my clients from.

Good then that there is a selection to pick and choose from and that I found two who are detached and cold and indifferent - and if someone wants a punishing, thin skinned, control freak of a therapist, that they are out there too.

Myrto, how are you doing?

Ever since your thread got off track, you've been quiet. Keep talking here even if you have to start a new thread. We're here for you no matter what you decide or if you decide. You're in a difficult predicament.

Thanks for the support! I kept reading the thread even when it got a bit off track, it was still interesting. I just didn't have much to contribute. I called the Rogerian therapist I have seen once (on Monday) and left a message. She hasn't called back and it's been 3 days. This means she doesn't want to work with me. For a Rogerian therapist she doesn't seem to have much understanding or compassion. Perhaps she didn't like that I was criticizing another therapist? I think it's probably the case with a lot of therapists: they don't like a client criticizing a colleague because they assume the client will do the same with them.

So if this new T doesn't work, keep trying looking for a new one. A lot of people here have more than one T. And a lot of people have been hurt by a T, but still returned to therapy. I'm sure all of them spent time talking about their relationship with their ex-T.

I am sorry but example of someone spending a year complaining got to me.

I don't think it makes a t that great and awesome if he/she just sits there the whole entire year collecting money from a vulnerable client listening to him complaining about missed appointment or what not (probably tuning it out the entire time and not even listening ).

Certainly maybe it's ok if therapy is free. But it's kind of unethical to collect big buck for a year long venting sessions.

I think if after few months of unresolved issue over missed appointments or being late or whatever, good t would either finds ways to resolve the issue or refers clients to some better t.

Now certainly client should be able to talk about whatever they want to. But someone who is unable to get over it for a year is clearly unwell and need more help than just opportunity to vent with no resolution.

How is that ok? Let's see 100 a session, 400 a month, 5000 a year. For what? Some Ts charge 200. One would go broke over this all while t just sits there! How wonderful. Apparently it is better than terminating?

When trying out other therapists following destructive therapy, I felt like I was painted into a corner. I needed to say whatever I felt, and that included criticizing the previous therapist AND questioning therapy as a whole. But few of them appeared ready to tolerate this. Some of them almost instinctively tried to blame me, in an indirect way. Or they would suggest we talk about my underlying "issues" rather than what happened in therapy. I think this is quite a dangerous predicament. I can see how many clients would end up editing their thoughts, suppressing their anger, placating the new therapist to avoid trouble.

Is it really complaining?

There likely are different implications and effects with someone who has a trauma history vs. the worried well client. Perhaps it wouldn't be the one time event that was triggering as the behavior of the therapist surrounding the event.

The situation could evoke surfacing of repressed or dissociated trauma content.

If I'm honest, I don't find therapists suggesting talk about underlying issues in cases like this to be terribly unusual. With the therapy that ended badly for me, my conflict and responses were definitely related to underlying issues. Otherwise therapy would have been simply chats with a pleasant stranger.My therapist was clearly a **** in response, but I played some part in my therapy crumbling. Unfortunately since there's not much a new therapist can do about the old therapist, they work with the person they have in front of them.

The shame is that the real work now taken over by a new therapist would have been best done by the old therapist

Certainly underlying issues are always relevant, but for me therapy itself was traumatic and devastating. And not just in a relative way, as a repetition of past injuries, but in an absolute way. This could take a very long time to process and might be the most pressing issue. If a therapist tries to move the client off of this in the first few sessions, or anytime before the client is done talking about it, jeez that is absurd. To paraphrase Stopdog, they need to say the hell back.

Losing ex-T was my most pressing issue. I was allowed to address it for as long as I needed to. Even still, I can talk about ex-T. I don't because there's not much more anyone can do or say. The only thing we don't talk about is the "why" because there will never be an answer and I only torture myself going down that path.