Couch 124 - Discussions & more!

Current T wore a pantsuit today (she never wears pants) -- I didn't register it (I mean I saw that she was wearing pants but didn't read anything more into it) until she told me it's a sly nod specifically for her clients. We chatted a bit about it. Interesting conversation.....at least until she kept steering me back to my blah-inducing past life stuff.

With chest pains? Hate to be a debbie downer - okay, lying, i love being a debbie downer - but i get terrible hangovers, so i dont recommend it

Well damn. I have a really painful situation on my hands. My massage therapist who I've been seeing regularly since Feb and I have been having email exchanges for a while. She is very spiritual and we sort of bounce meditation ideas off each other, etc
.I can be a bit over sensitive to written stuff but I've been working on that and I totally thought it was a situation of mutual sharing and enjoyment.

So, it came as quite a painful shock at our session Wednesday night when she told me my emails were a "pain in the ***"

It was at the end and she had to go so no chance to.talk about it.

I contacted her about it Friday BC I was really hurt but I got some new agey stuff about "intention doesn't equal outcome" and how she would never say anything hurtful in purpose.

So I said, OK but it WAS really hurtful
It really hurt me.
And she just said she "wouldn't engage in negativity" with me.

I have so many issues around abandonment and being ashamed of my need for love its nearly crushed me into nonfunctional-ness.

And I can't tell.my T because 1. My T knows her and 2. I'm terrified now that my T feels the same as my massage therapist because I bother my T more.

So I'm just drowning in hurt and shame. I thought we were becoming friends. I've resorted to some very bad coping mechanisms.

I don't know what to do from here. She has some kind of training so.I won't see her for nearly 2 weeks. I obviously can't email.her. I don't know if I go back. If I just pretend it never happened...I hurt so.much I feel sick.

And I feel so ruined..like everything my mom ever said about me was right.

Its awful

My mother once made a comment that only women who want to hide their ankles wear pantsuits. And yes, she was speaking in the context of that person.

Of course, my mother has the most awesome calves - think Dietrich, but better - and has never needed to cover up her legs. I've seen men in their 30s ogle her legs even though she's 70. Sadly I have soccer legs.

Why would a therapist make a sly nod at her clients? Why sly? What does that even mean in this context?

Also I don't know WTF she's smoking but how is "are a pain in the buttocks" NOT meant to be intentionally hurtful?

BB - sorry to hear about the massage therapist. I think it might be the sort of thing to checkout with the therapist therapist even if they know each other.

Why would a therapist make a sly nod at her clients? Why sly? What does that even mean in this context?

I have no idea -- she used the word 'sly'. I could've / should've parsed it out but seeing the pantsuit was a very discombobulating experience and it was hard to focus.

Bay - I don't really know what to say, but I do think about this "And I can't tell.my T because 1. My T knows her and 2. I'm terrified now that my T feels the same as my massage therapist because I bother my T more" that

1. I don't see why you can't tell her so long as you don't expect her to take sides. I kind of get the dilemma because how can I talk to No. 2 about ex-psychiatrist since 2 recommended her? But a good therapeutic relationship should allow for discussion of the mistakes of people the therapist knows without the therapist personalizing it. They're like Switzerland.
2. If you're really worried about that and you feel up to it, ask her. You guys seem to have worked out a decent arrangement where she doesn't feel compelled to reply, and maybe that was the problem for the massage therapist?

As for going back, I'd just think on it for a bit because you don't need to decide now.

And if you'll accept it from a former albeit temporary Blue,

Well if I tell her I'll need her to be on my side. I'd at least need her to take the position of " that was a very unkind thing to say"

I mean intellectually I know my T and I just discussed this and she said everything was fine.. I told massage therapist that she didn't have to reply if she was busy or whatever ....but who knows.

Could it be that there's also fear that he'll take all these extra stuff away?

I freaked when T said I could call the clinic to ask to speak to her etc. Ended up making really sure that:
she offered it because she wants to, and because she feels I need it,
and that she won't give anything she'll later resent or regret,
And she won't take it away.

By sides I meant more that you don't expect her to break off contact with this woman, or intervene. I'm not sure anyone would question that that was a hurtful thing to say.

As for the emails, well, I'd take your therapist at her word.

I don't know. That was kind of my question to her that earned the "not engaging in negativity"
I told her I really can't find a way to spin that that is not negative.....

I'm just so ashamed. Like how did I misread her cues that badly????? Usually I'm GOOD at reading people.

No.I wouldn't expect anything like that.
I'm not sure *I* want to break off contact with her.
I.keep thinking there must be some explanation for what she said.
I just can't think what.
My T KNOWS something is really wrong because I had a session Friday and I was a mess

At the risk of possibly, potentially sounding totally inappropriate, I uhh....would very much like to see your mother's legs.

Well damn. I have a really painful situation on my hands. My massage therapist who I've been seeing regularly since Feb and I have been having email exchanges for a while. She is very spiritual and we sort of bounce meditation ideas off each other, etc
.I can be a bit over sensitive to written stuff but I've been working on that and I totally thought it was a situation of mutual sharing and enjoyment.

So, it came as quite a painful shock at our session Wednesday night when she told me my emails were a "pain in the ***"

It was at the end and she had to go so no chance to.talk about it.

I contacted her about it Friday BC I was really hurt but I got some new agey stuff about "intention doesn't equal outcome" and how she would never say anything hurtful in purpose.

So I said, OK but it WAS really hurtful
It really hurt me.
And she just said she "wouldn't engage in negativity" with me.

I have so many issues around abandonment and being ashamed of my need for love its nearly crushed me into nonfunctional-ness.

And I can't tell.my T because 1. My T knows her and 2. I'm terrified now that my T feels the same as my massage therapist because I bother my T more.

So I'm just drowning in hurt and shame. I thought we were becoming friends. I've resorted to some very bad coping mechanisms.

I don't know what to do from here. She has some kind of training so.I won't see her for nearly 2 weeks. I obviously can't email.her. I don't know if I go back. If I just pretend it never happened...I hurt so.much I feel sick.

And I feel so ruined..like everything my mom ever said about me was right.

Its awful

Was there a specific context? It can't just have been "see you in a few weeks, and by the way your emails..."? A statement that strong, especially out of the blue, suggests the problem is not with you at all but with the person uttering it.

And if your therapist knows something is up already, can you use that as a springboard to telling her? When is your next session? (I'm guessing you don't want to email her after the other experience.)