What was your 1st impression of your T?
What did you talk about?
What was it like?

I remember the intital contact was by phone. He called me to set up an appointment. I knew it was a sliding fee scale and I tried to explain to him on the phone that I didn't have insurance and I wouldn't be able to pay a high fee. He told me, "We will talk about that when you come in." I immediately decided that I hated him. (Hmmm... the beginning of a familiar pattern? Nooo... couldn't be...)

I remember being ten minutes late to the first session because I was still relatively new to Philly and was having a bit of trouble finding the place. I met him in the lobby and was immediately like, "No. I can't relate to this guy." Hahahaha.

We went upstairs and had an excruciating discussion deciding on the fee.

Other than that, there were no other formalities. No explanations of boundaries, no release forms, no intake assessment, no rote information gathering, nothing to fill out... the only instructions were, "Just talk."

He asked me what my reasons were for coming to therapy. I decided to play it off as though I was just coming for something minor. "Anxiety," I said. "I have some anxiety problems."

I don't remember too much else about the first session. I just remember the next couple weeks as a series of not thinking that it was going to work out. I seriously considered terminating and looking for another therapist.

I think all along I knew we were connecting and I was afraid. So I tried to convince myself that I hated him. I looked for every single reason. Interestingly enough, I did the same thing when I met my husband. I have since told my T all about this.

Also, at that time I didn't understand a lot of what analysis was about. I mean, I understood it from the perspective of studying some of it in school, but it's a whole different ballgame when you're the patient! My prior therapy was very different. This therapy was looking very unattractive to me because of its unfamiliarity.

I think it's so fun and interesting to look at where I am in therapy now, and how I feel about my T, and to look back at that first day, or those first couple of weeks, and compare. Everything seemed so foreign then.

[lauren_helene]

My first session was a day of testing basically. I went in initially for ADD testing and I knew I was having major depression issues but I didn't mention it.

Of course, the testing revealed everything pretty much. The first 'real' session was a bit interesting.

He's CBT, which I had never heard of back then. He said that this way of talking back to negative thoughts was working on many patients. Then he explained the process and said now we can help people in weeks instead of months.

I immediately thought to myself, oh great, I've got a deadline to meet and I feel just awful. I could barely get out of bed in the morning and had a hard time taking care of my son. I just wanted to cry but I waited until I left the office.

I should have cleared this up with him early on because it definitely made me feel worse knowing I should be done in weeks. I mentioned it later on but we've never really talked about it.

Here it is now a year and half later and I am learning so much about myself. If he hadn't stuck it out with me, or had I just given up, who knows what would have happened with me.

[MissCharlotte]

My first session with T was set about two weeks after we spoke on the phone. I had called and left him a message around this time last year. My son had been really sick all summer and I was a wreck. I was freaking out and I left him a message to that effect. He called me after he got back from vacation and said, "tell me what's going on." I think I was slightly hysterical on the phone.

[I had actually met him several years before when he treated my middle son for a few months]

At my first appointment, I told him I had nothing left to give my family and I went on and on about all of them. Then he looked at me and said, "Where are you in all of this?" And I said, "What do you mean?" [I was thinking, what the hell is this guy talking about] I told him I was right there with him, I was a mother, a wife, a student, etc. He looked at me and told me they were roles we assume. he said, "you were the mover and shaker in your family, so what happened?"

I looked at him and said, "I got lost along the way." I think about this often because the sessions for the first 2 months or so after this were difficult and I was retraumatized early on several times.

There was no intake or forms or anything like that--we just talked and we've been talking ever since. He did ask if I had ever been in therapy before and he asked how old I was. He told me his fee and I pay each week when I go.

That was the beginning, the rest is history.

My first session was forms because vocational rehabilitation would be picking up the bill. We talked about how I got there - I told her that an agency tried to put me in group therapy with people twice my age after talking to me for about 20 minutes and refused to let me have one on one therapy. I told her who recommended me to her. I think also, that she asked for a little background information (she noticed I had a different accent being from Chicago and now living in small town Oklahoma). She asked basic questions, I gave basic answers. She was really genuine from the start - saying how she's very non-judgemental, etc.

[sunrise]

During my first session, I told him why I was there: I wanted to get a divorce and was profoundly stuck. I cried a little at some point, and later he told me he liked that, because it showed I was emotionally accessible (or something like that), and also he really liked my honesty and directness. I did manage to communicate to him how hopeless the marriage was and how I just couldn't move forward to end it, despite trying for over a year. He asked about my relations with my mother and father when I was growing up. He offered up a big interpretation later in the session, that I was stuck in moving forward on my divorce due to past issues with my mother. This immediately rang so true and I couldn't believe this had never occurred to me before. I thought he was a genius to immediately see this (whereas he was really just a therapist saying your mother is the cause of all your problems--just kidding ). He talked a lot about EMDR, and as I had never heard about it, this took a long time. He felt it might be useful for me, to help get unstuck and process past events and trauma.

We went way over the 50 minutes, and maybe spent an hour and a half in the first session. There were no forms, no tests, no rote questions I had to answer. In fact, quite some time later, he told me he didn't even know my last name.

What I remember most about the session was how at one point, he was talking about his therapeutic approach, and he rose up out of his chair and announced, as he moved toward me, "I am a healer." It was a shamanistic moment and freaked me a little. My T has a tremendous amount of personal energy, and physically, he is a big guy. He towered over me when he stood to make his healing proclamation and I felt the energy. It seemed like, if nothing else, this guy has got balls! I liked that about him. He somehow gave me confidence and hope that I could do this (divorce), and he would help me heal and accompany me on my journey.

I was pretty much hooked after this first session, and my depression (just partly fixed due to some CBT stuff from my previous counselor) began to lift almost immediately. It was so important to have hope, and he gave me that. (EMDR at subsequent sessions completed the job.)

Anyway, he's a powerful man, and uses his energy and skill only for good. I feel incredibly lucky to have found him. There was a full month before my second session with him, but after just 2 sessions, I remember saying to my sister, "he is saving my life," and I still mean that.

[dreamrunner]

What was your 1st impression of your T?

I thought my T would be a weird,little man,maybe nerdy,or stuffy.Instead my T is a short,white haird,blue eyed man who listens intently and shows a tremenous amount of compassion.

What did you talk about?
My history.....its bad and its molded me into the person I today.

What was it like?
I was sick when I left.Very upset.For many years I had ignored the effects of my past and that session was a harsh reminder.

the first was just a meet an suspiciously eye the guy... i was terminating with another T who hadn't been doing a great job but to whom i was deeply attached. i was already annoyed at having to pay for the chance to just meet him. i would have preferred even a 15 min chance to look at him. i rely on gut feelings and i would have trusted that.

he asked me why i was there, what i wanted from therapy...blah blah blah... i asked him a lot of questions b/c i couldn't deal with another termination. i wanted to know i wouldn't have a time limit. i wanted to know that since he advertized as CBT was he flexible. Would we do historical work? i told him some about my self and my situation, including that i was "different"...i think i said freak, but tomato tomaato.

i was NOT hooked. i was willing to give it a few go's. i was concerned he was too emotionally reserved, more like my pdoc... not willing to be tender. He was probably a good therapist, but maybe not for me... and i still wonder about that.

it didn't thrill me for sure... but he wasn't my real first. Even my last guy wasn't my "first." None of the actual certified T's i saw got to first base first. A guy with no qualifications years ago set me on a path of self insight... so there has not been any real "aha!"moments.

sometimes it feels like having a sexual problem and can only get a paid partner... the therapy hooker. i've told him that. i felt a bit like that the first day with both... embarrassed to be there to pay "for it."

someone asked if it was like falling in love... not for me, but it was like a bad first date. No one sure if it's worth the second date. i told him i was shopping around to find a good match, and he asked what constituted a good match. i told him i read minute body language like a pro and i would know if he disliked me. He tested me out by asking me what he was feeling right then and i was bang on. Silly disbeliever.

Now, the second appt was much better. He wanted to know all sorts of stuff, about now and historical. We actually ran out of time before he could complete the list. He made a lot of comments about my own ability to find my own insights, etc. It didn't impress me either way.

i guess i was luke warm. i mean, i like him, and i thought he seemed very professional and like he was good at what he did. He treated me better than my old T had in just those two sessions. There wasn't an instant thing, but i was happy enough to try.

6 months later it waxes and wanes. Sometimes i feel very good about the choice, other times i find myself browsing online and in the yellowpages trying to find a psychodynamic T to try. i do call him off and on for support, but honestly i think he has built more of a connection from his end than me from mine. If i tried another T and left a dear T letter, i think he would be disappointed in not being able to meet my needs moreso than i would.

ask me again after my next session... my opinions are subject to change without notice.

[sidony]

I remember my first session well. I'd gotten T's name from a friend, and I called and left him a message. I liked his voice on the answering machine. When he called back I didn't tell him anything other than I wanted to make an appointment. I picked some of the available times, and then I really looked forward to the day I was going to go. I was just so depressed that I thought maybe he could tell me something that would somehow be helpful. I didn't know anything about therapy. Just a friend had recommended it, and I decided to try it, mostly on a whim and because I didn't know what else to do.

I remember waiting in the lobby. An older gentleman walked in and I thought he looked friendly. I was disappointed when he called someone else's name. Then my T walked in and said my name. I looked at him and liked him instantly. He was also an older guy and looked friendly. As I was following him up the stairs to his office I had a fleeting thought of "what the hell am I doing?" I'm already phobic about talking to people, but what the hell, I was there.

I mentioned that I was going through a breakup. Then I said "apparently I have problems with emotional intimacy." I felt like the biggest dork. He asked me who told me that. I described a little bit about my relationship. I said that whenever we tried to talk seriously I always cried. He said "why are you crying?" and I was struck by the bluntness of the question. He went on to ask me a few questions about my family. I thought it was a dumb tangent and didn't really want to say much. I think I said one of my siblings was annoying. He asked me why and then asked several annoying questions that were filled with suggestions of what I might say when I was annoyed with my sibling. I didn't like that, but it got me to think. I think I ended the session talking about some random cousin of mine. He asked me what I expected from therapy. I said I don't know and what should I expect. He told me he wanted to see me at least once a week. He said that we would be intimate and asked if I wanted to do that with him. I said I thought so. It seemed like it wouldn't be too risky to give it a few tries. I said I wasn't sure I could afford it, and he said I hope you'll talk about this with me if it's an issue. I remember being freaked at the idea of just bluntly talking about something like that. Any wonder I'm in therapy?

Lying in bed that night I remember being freaked out by some of the questions he'd asked me, wondering how I'd ever tolerate being questioned about some of the thoughts and feelings I have, realizing I was fascinated by the idea. I was looking forward to going back. I used to be so anxious sitting in the lobby before the session that I thought I would be ill.

I never filled out any paperwork. I never asked him what he charged (I was depressed and didn't really care -- figured I could always quit). He gave me a bill at the end of the month and I paid it. I briefly freaked out when I thought about how expensive therapy was going to be. Then I decided what the hell I'll just do it for a while. A year and 8 months later it's the best money I've ever spent.

Sidony

[sunrise]

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sidony said:

He said that we would be intimate and asked if I wanted to do that with him.

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Whoa! That is one simultaneously scary and exciting statement to get from a T at the first session.

[Izzyparker]

I had to dig deep to even remember a time when I didn't know my t. I was 22, fresh out of college and depressed. I wanted to try therapy for a long, long, time and didn't know how to find a therapist. I browsed the yellow pages over and over, for months. Finally I asked my mom if she knew anyone. In retrospect, it's funny that I ended up with my therapist, considering the source.

She was young too (still in grad school) and bubbly. I hated her office. Really, really small ---- probably a former closet. She had carpet on the walls for soundproofing and there were no windows.

I sat on the ugly chair and just started crying. I remember thinking the questions she asked me were odd, "how would I describe my mother?" (it's always the mother, isn't it?) After the second meeting, she asked if I could come twice a week. I was simultaneously happy/relieved and distressed (was I that far gone?). I hated and loved her at the same time those first months.

She has since moved to an office of her very own And the carpet is only on the floors.

[dalila]

<font color="green"> To my surprise I had to think long and hard to recall ‘my first session.’ My daughter was already seeing this therapist and I was really struggling to handle the stories of abuse that both my girls were telling their therapists. I had known when we adopted that they had been assaulted but I had only known the generalities not any specifics. We had just changed therapists cos the girls’ old one decided I was making them sicker. It wasn’t true but I took it to heart and had one of my worst crashes.

I was using SI to keep from suicide and really afraid of what I was feeling. We had had several little talks but she sat me down and told me that I deserved to have my own therapy. I deserved to heal and feel better about myself. So I scheduled my first appointment. I remember cracking the usual jokes that I had always used to distance myself from my pain and she wouldn’t let it go. I already felt a connection to her and I recall that I was afraid that she would decide that I was not worth treating or not capable of healing. She saw me weekly for the first few years. I don’t recall a lot of those early appointments just the deep fear of rejection and the sickness of having my lost memories resurface.

Ok I have written a book instead of a short post but that is the way my life seems to go.
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[ECHOES]

I had searched hard for an analyst. Really hard. And didn't think I was going to find one I could get to by bus.

I had just ditched my psychologist of 2 months for various reasons including she had cancelled on me at the last minute 3 or 4 weeks in a row via her receptionist. She would be the last behavioral therapist for me, I decided. (Have had many over the last 12 years).

The first session with T was just a meeting to see how it went between us. I borrowed a car because it was in the evening and the bus there doesn't run that late. When I found the place to turn, there it was "Behavioral Services".

*&$#!!#$!

It would have been easy and would have been my natural reaction to turn right around and not even pull in, but I knew it was important to keep going and I didn't have to decide anything... right... that... minute.

My first words to her were "Are you a behavioral therapist???!!!!" because I'd told her on the phone what I was looking for. She said no and we talked about that a bit. Turns out it is not a group at all, just offices T's use and the sign was just a generic kind of sign because there is no group name to put out there and there are many T's. We talked about my T experiences, my choosing analysis, lack of insurance coverage. She had worked for an insurance company for 20 years. She revealed that some T's will sign on with an insurance company that only wants to offer short term therapy to their insureds, but actully will do analysis. So, if it didn't work with her, she might be able to find me someone she knew of in my insurance company's network. (Would have not been good, because a month later my company switched to a catastrophic plan). We also talked about her credentials, her experience, her fee. I told her my situation, some history, my self-diagnosis and symptoms and I asked if she had experience with anxiety/depression. I asked how analysis would help.

I liked her. She Listened. She was serious, talked in psych language that I understand, and we laughed a couple of times too.

In the end it looked like our schedules were going to be conflicting. I didn't see how I'd manage to get there when she was available.

She mentioned that she liked to meet with someone a few times to see how it worked before deciding to proceed.

I left frustrated and angry about the scheduling (I liked her a lot) and because I was sure she'd put up with me for the "few times" and then tell me, no we wouldn't work well together. (I figured she'd said that because she already didn't like me and so was preparing me for rejection).

2nd session began with "I sense you were a bit angry when you left last week....". At the end of that session she said that the next session she would like me to "begin where you are" and I just loved hearing that. It was as if to say, wherever you are is okay and we'll take it from there.

my T

[phillygirl]

wow what a timely topic! My birthday was Saturday and just a year ago, I finally made the call to make my first appointment. The night before, I had a royal meltdown and was texting my friend to come get me. I really thought I was losing my mind. One of my adult students (who is also a therapist) recommended a collegue but I hadn't decided to call til then. I couldn't live like that any longer.

So I made the appointment, which wasn't for 3 more weeks. Long enough to talk myself in and out of going many many times. And to look her up online and find the group she works with is very religiously based. And some kind of vague homophobic comments not from her personally but something connected in a different website. So I was pretty worried about going in the first place, not sure if anyone could help me anyway and then the religious stuff... But I felt bad enough that I went anyway.

That first time, I took one of the depression screening tests and hardly surprisingly, was off the top end of the scale. There was some various paperwork and just basically talking about me in general. What issues was I having and how was it affecting my life. I've had chronic depression my whole life, with another major depression last summer that sent me in finally.

I'd recently moved across the country and was having trouble at my job. I also recently came out to a few people, including my best friend at the time who freaked out and wouldn't talk to me for months. She is gay too, she's open about it so it was a huge blow to me that she ran away. Anyway there was a lot going on outside my head that was only making it worse. I thought everyone hated me at work and didn't really have any other friends but one.

I remember towards the end of the talk, she asked what didn't I like about myself. And I shocked myself but not being able to come up with really anything. Thinking about it later, that was probably because I didn't like ANYTHING at that point, so nothing stood out.

I had a funky night the other day, thinking about all this stuff again and reading back through my journal from last year. And feeling bad for the sorry little thing I was and all the years I wasted along the way. Reading through the first couple months of my journal was hard, I used to come home so upset from stirring stuff up and picking at old scabs. At first, I had to just sleep when I got home to shut off my brain. That went away after awhile though.

But without all that, I wouldn't be where I am now. Which is in (yet another) new state, gone back to school and doing really well at it. I wish it hadn't taken me all these years to get here but I'm happy with where I am now.

[confused4ever]

My first session was tough. I was so nervous, going was a no brainer though. I either went to see Aaron or I went to the out patient day program at the hospital for a week. Just before starting with Aaron I tried to od, so I had no choice, and I didn't want to attend the hospital day program. My old counselor had given me Aaron's name awhile before making that call, I just never did it. Our first session was pretty much to get to know each other, I answered his questions and he answered the few I had. We talked about my mom, my siblings my mom's death, and the over dose. He asked me about my kids and so on, then he asked me if I would like to try a few sessions with him and see if I am ok with him. He asked me also if I thought it would be possible to have a few laughs during all this. I thought that was kind of cool, I always invisioned therapy sessions as serious and no laughs at all. He now tells me after alittle over a year of seeing him that it was much easier when I was seeing him for my mom's death...ha.........He is helping me through the healing from CSA but that is not his field, I disclosed to him everything after a few months, and he helped me remember things I had buried for so many years, he tried to get me to see his collegue who is more experienced with this then he is, but I told him no. I wasn't ready to switch. So he is learning, he is studying, he is consulting and if there is something he can't answer he always gets me my answer later that day after my session.
I gave him a bullseye to hang on his wall a few months back, told him he can bang his head there after a session or phone call from me!!