Couch 127: The Wayward Couch

thanks pre. i think i'll go look for it.

I suspect Melania would be secretly relieved...

Mom is somewhat better but not great. Another family member is here with me which is helpful. I see Kashi tomorrow. I need it.

Ps I offered mom my appointment tomorrow but she doesn't want it. She is so maddening

(((growly)))

Hugs...hope you have a helpful session.

Never underestimate the aphrodisiacal effects of money, fame, and now power.

good lord, that is insane!
i've only found one white i've liked, a very dry white riesling. i don't know how anyone who drinks white wine doesn't vomit the next day...or is that me?

me too.
i don't know how you deal with that. seriously.

but...to have sex with him...???? HE IS SO UGLY.

edit: i'm sorry, that was extremely judgemental of me. i just don't see much "love" in their relationship. Looks have little to do with love (past the lust part), i know...but...its Trump, so....i can't find many redeemable qualities about him. Sort of like this book I just read, Eileen. I LOVE depressing books/characters, but there has to be SOMETHING redeemable in the story or character. This was my least favorite book, second to "Fourth of July Creek."

At least mom took the Thursday appointment. A start.

I've just read A Boy and a Bear in a Boat: https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Bear-Boat.../dp/0449810607

It reminded me strongly of my relationship with Madame T. Like the bear, she was a curious mix of aptitude and incompetence (metaphorically, she was a good sailor but a lousy navigator), and of grumpiness and forbearance.

There are some times when I really want to hug you. But I shall refrain.

I appreciate the restraint.
And no big deal - they just fit together better personality wise. She understood him and I was always a giant puzzlement to her.

Changing the subject entirely...

I don't see that it is so wrong to want what others take for granted.

48 days SH free. I come "home" from my trip and my father immediately shows how pervasively entitled he is. Seriously want to punch myself ugh.

Happy New Year!

Is it 2017 already where you are CE? Does 2017 look any better than 2016?

1. Yes, it is 2017
2. I can't tell. It's still dark.

Happy new year to you too

The only red wine I can handle is called, I think, a rosso--it is sweet and a little bubbly and has to be served chilled.


I'm glad!

Likely they dont have what YOU take for granted. Im not sure I would be willing to trade an unspecified part of me, for a specific other part. What if the unspecified part is something that i really really want to keep?

Working on my shopping list for snackage for tonight (and food for the rest of the week). Looking forward to fun with the family tonight. I suspect drinking and board games will be involved; great combination.

I am feeling so troubled about my relationship with t. I hate being angry with her. But her comment about us not being equals has just stuck in my craw so bad. I even talked to h about it this morning, if you can believe that. I did preface what I said with "I want to talk about what's troubling me, but I don't want to be judged." Because as y'all know he doesn't want me going to therapy anyway, he always says I don't need it anymore. But he let me talk without judging, which was really good. I told him about how she pretty much pressured me to come in January even though I'd said I wanted to take a break and for a very legitimate reason I might add, and about that comment - the "we are not equals because I have this knowledge" and how she has never made me feel like I was less than her ever before that, and that it was hurtful, and he said "Maybe she felt like she had to say that to stay professional." I said how is hurting someone's feelings being professional? I feel like she damaged our quote relationship to the point where it can't be fixed. I'm stewing now and don't even want to go talk to her about it on 1/7. I want to call and cancel. He said "I don't know, Karen. I'm not a shrink. Just take your month off and maybe you won't even want to go back after that." I feel like calling her on Monday and telling her I'm not coming next Saturday. But at the same time, I do still respect the work we have done together and I don't want to let things just end without talking this through, but I don't know what's right anymore. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it and put the anger in a box and wait til next Saturday and talk it out and let the chips fall where they may. I don't know what to do. Part of the problem here I think is that I feel like I owe her somehow because she moved back here. I don't know. The whole thing is just so darned convoluted. She has been such a good t for me, for the past 5+ years, I have grown so much through the work we have done together, I don't really understand what's happening, does anyone have any more insight? I'm sorry I can't seem to let this go. I guess that means I need to talk to her about it. I don't know. Thanks for listening. At least I'm not on an angry rant anymore... lolagrace you haven't weighed in yet on this, that I'm aware of, and I am interested in what your thoughts might be. I appreciate everyone else who has been weighing in as well as this saga has progressed!

For me, I like to address my anger with T sooner rather than later in order to sort things out. But since you feel pushed into scheduling the session, maybe that's not what you need right now.

My T has also made the "we are not equals" comment, but for me it didn't mean he's better than me, as a person. It's that in our relationship, I pay him to help. I ask him to lend some expertise to understanding my experiences. That sets up a power differential even thought we both treat each other respectfully and as intellectual equals. I do think sharing your feelings about that comment would be helpful, whether you decide to address it now or n the future.

Tried to pull my blankets out from under old dog in the middle of the night. She is about 60 pounds. My hand slipped and I punched myself in the face. Really, really hard. Starting the new year with a black eye. Sigh. Ducking 2016 hates me and the thought of having to exist through an entire whole year is making me sick to my stomach. Especially with Cheeto Satan in charge.