Couch 127: The Wayward Couch

Lonesome tonight - omg, best dream ever!! (In another thread). I want for dinner whatever you had before that! Also i am telling my t it was my dream. how did you remember so much??

Quite right. T is not your equal. T is your employee.

Hello Elio. Happy New Year!

She has talked me out of it several times, you're right. The only reason part of me wants to go now is to tell her of my anger. I don't want to be passive-aggressive about it (like I have always been in the past) and just cancel. Thank you!!

what I bolded - that absolutely what happened. i was about as vulnerable as i have ever made myself in there and yeah, i felt clobbered. I am trying very hard to see that I don't owe her anything (beyond paying for my sessions of course, which I always do).

I am beginning to see that there is good coming out of this yes, this defining myself and my value. thank you!!!

Thank you for this. She does have a higher level of degree than I do, but that doesn't make her a better person. And come to think of it, if she is going to sit there and say she's so much better than me, well that kinda makes her LESS of a person than I am actually, doesn't it?!

I like what you said there - "do I go for him, or do I go for me?" I go for me. But yeah - I'm also afraid to express my anger to her, because if I do I might have to deal with her anger right back (like with my parents) OR I will lose her.

I agree. Especially her timing, when I was so vulnerable after admitting how I felt. I think it was made doubly hurtful because she has never ever made me feel like I was any less than her as a person.

Thank you EVERYONE for your thoughts! So much appreciated!!

I need to remember this!! I wonder what would have happened if I had responded to her "We are not equals" with "You're right. I employ you. And I can choose to NOT employ you, too."

So there, T!!!

Well, it is not going to be a big deal to the therapist - she gets paid for you to go tell her.
I personally both cancel until I am ready, send the woman a list of her faults, and then tell the woman how she failed in person when I decide to go back- for me, that way, although she is still getting money from me - at least it is on my schedule and not hers.

I don't know if I am yet strong enough to do it that way. I'd still be afraid that she wouldn't let me come back. And I'm not ready to end things for good with her yet. But I can definitely appreciate the "at least it is on my schedule and not hers" part!

ETA: But then again, I can definitely think of other things I would enjoy doing with the money that I pay her...

The stupidest thing about all of this angst on my part is that she doesn't know anything about it!!

hi, just saying hi. happy new year. i dont post in here much at all...but i read sometimes... i hope thats not creepy

Hi! Happy New year! And no, reading is not creepy. I read other threads I don't comment on. Mostly I stay here on the couch and the dear t thread, but sometimes I read elsewhere.....

Watching 50 First Dates. I love Adam Sandler & Drew Barrymore they're so cute together

I've always had pretty vivid, memorable dreams. Though I think I remember more details since I've been on an SSRI, actually. And I had a spinach and bean burrito with guac and sour cream

Pretty sure the best T/MC-related dream I had was the one a year ago where I was basically in an episode of Law & Order, and MC was there as the psychiatrist. The bad guys were targeting police officers, and I was all worried about MC (not sure what my role was in the dream exactly). Someone was supposed to be guarding his house, and I went there, and the guard said he was sleeping on the couch. I lifted up the blankets, and it was just a bunch of pillows! He'd been kidnapped and was being held hostage. I somehow figured out where he was and saved him. Then he kissed me.

I told him about that dream at one point (leaving out that last detail), and he was like, "Oh, of course you had me in the role of the short guy (referring to BD Wong)." I was like, "Yeah, but he's hot!"

Well, h's friend just called and invited us to their New Years Eve get-together, nothing like last minute, oh well. That's ok. I guess I'll force myself to go, it will likely do me some good to go drink wine with friends and not think about therapy for awhile!!

Happy New Year everyone!

I went over to have dinner with my parents and the family member who traumatized me was there, did a surprise drop in. He's not scary or threatening at all now, but seeing him retraumatizes me every. time. And it being unexpected made it even worse. I made an excuse to leave to run an errand within ten minutes, and then he left, but it messed me up.

T just met with me again the other day to help me out of crisis mode. I was just starting to recover from Christmas.

Have a great time Art!! I hope it's better than you are anticipating.

Skeksi. That would mess me up too. I hope you find a safe place to feel peace. Music helps me. Calming music. Hug if wanted.

(((Lt))) thanks! And that dinner is totally do-able!

Law and order - unconscious intent!

Hi. I hang a lot too and sometimes don't say much.

Glad you said hello.

I know you're feeling down..and that must have hurt BAD...but i might have giggled a little, mainly because it is something i would do to myself. Good thing I just have cats
You know there are more than 2 options, right? She seems like a good T, so she could just apologize and realize the error of her ways and work on trying to repair the rupture with you.

Idea. Thought I'd look for a calming place to see myself for the night. This is what I found.



I'm cooking rotel dip, BBQ smokies and some cheesy corn dip. I'm picking a spot and bringing the goodies.

Anyone is welcome to hang out and talk, or not. It may be a place to just be for company. It looks like a place I would like to be.

Alcohol is not prohibited if wanted. Please be nice.

I'm thinking the temp is in the 50s and the fireworks are visible but not heard.

Sounds lovely! I will bring some spinach and artichoke dip.

Oh that sounds good!! Glad you're here!

Aw, TrailRunner, you're helping me feel better! Thanks.

Pretty much forgot that it's New Years' Eve.

Come join us Ruh Roh!! It doesn't feel like it to me either.

I have some Chex mix that I just made. And I will bring diet coke. No alcohol for me.

Art; you have had bad sessions before and you always figure it out and t never dumps you. Sounds like she misspoke or something. It is clear from your posts here that she respects and likes you.

I think Ruh Roh said that it seems like something has triggered you. That makes sense to me. By the time that appointment comes around, you will have figured out what it was and why. And maybe then would be a good time to decide if you want to keep the appointment. I think your idea of putting the whole thing away for a bit (maybe until the appointment) also makes a lot of sense. Hope you have a good time at the party.

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope to be asleep when the new year comes. Tomorrow I have a road trip to rescue two horses. I like doing that. Good way to start the year!