I have been in and out of therapy since I was a teenager.Being female,I always preferred seeing a female therapist.But the last T I had was male,and I stayed in therapy with him for 6 years and it was extremely helpful and beneficial.

I realize now,in hindsight,that I never made any progress what-so-ever with any of the females because I don't trust them.I know it's because of the type of mother I had,she never believed anything I told her,blamed me for the sexual abuse I endured,beat me,was cold and uncaring,etc.

I didn't realize any of this until I started seeing a male T,and noticed right away there was a huge difference in the way I felt and the way I was able to open up to him.Seeing a female was so different,I was never comfortable talking about anything with them.

Is your T male or female?Why?

[junkDNA]

He's male because of his dna =)

Just kidding. I connect better with males. Also, when I was 16 my mom had me hauled 4 hours away by strangers to a secluded teen wilderness/prison place where the staff was all female...and they abused us and used psychological torture techniques on us. I was there for 8 months. Anyway after that I have found I do not trust women who are therapists or any other kind of mental health person

female.
i do not trust men, was abused by many men. as a teenager i had a male t for a few months, and all i did was manipulate him.

[Elio]

Mine is female, just by luck as the male therapist I was initially referred to decided to not to take on any more cases before he even met me as he was scheduled to leave in 9 months.

For me it is more their gender expression than their actual gender that will affect my comfort level. They have to be more neutral in gender for me to respond, high femme and nope can't relate or hang, alpha male and I'm too intimidated to open up.

In fact, my t has started to dress/present more feminine and I realized it is starting to bug me.

[unaluna]

Male. Previous pdoc was a younger female and that was okay, but usually females dont work for me, and what you said has been the reason why.

The women on the couch (as well as the honorary women aka the couchmen) have helped me feel a LOT more comfortable in the company of women.

[atisketatasket]

I can't see myself talking to a make therapist in any way that would be helpful. I like most men I meet, that's not the issue, it just feels like our connections don't go especially deep.

On the other hand, I'm batting 1.000 so far in female health professionals who suddenly do something unexpected that ends up hurting me, sooooo...yeah. Still can't see having a male therapist.

Female. I was afraid of men for most of my life because of childhood stuff. Also, and I didn't really realize this until after we'd gotten started - but maternal transference and the working through that has been a huge part of my therapy and healing.

Strangely I was okay with a male pdoc, likely because I didn't really have to talk much to him...

[stopdog]

I only hire women. I would not do well with a male therapist. I can get along with male colleagues, I like my father, and I have some male friends, but it would not work for me to deal with a male therapist at all.

[nottrustin]

Female. I can't imagine having a male therapist. Between growing up in a family where females arts the caretakers and abandonment and abuse from males I could never trust them. However, if I could ever get past that The chromosome I am sure a lot of healing could take place.

Originally Posted by artemis-within

maternal transference and the working through that has been a huge part of my therapy and healing.

I have been thinking about seeing a female,just so I can work through all that stuff.But I honestly don't know how I could ever learn to trust or open up.I know it would be very helpful and healing if I could though.

[Argonautomobile]

I'm female. My (first and only) T is male. Not my choice--he was assigned to me. Not that I have much of a basis for comparison, but I think it's worked out well.

Except for the man-spreading. Ugh.

I'm glad having a male T has worked out for you.

ETA: I have a trauma history with males. Didn't really want a male T for that reason, but stuck with him anyway. It's been helpful. It's possible.

[LifeInProgress]

Current T is female. Luck of the draw on who I got assigned, previous were female, and male before that.

[1stepatatime]

Female. I feel that I connect better with a female therapist, although I've never hired a male therapist.

[Pennster]

Mine is male. I have always found it slightly easier to talk to guys when it came to matters of emotional importance.

[precaryous]

I'm female. Current T is female and it's working well for me, I think.
Most T's in my past were male and two exploited me.

I loved my parents but they always gave me signals that females were inferior. My mother accepted her '50's role. They were fairly successful at passing this role onto me.
The result was I only expected male T's and doctors to be worthwhile and helpful.

In my later years I have had the honor and privilege of knowing a few women T's who seemed to have a good sense of themselves....who have helped me understand women CAN be powerful.

I'm still learning, tho.

[SoConfused623]

I am female and have always had a Female T. I love men and have zero issues with them, but just can't imagine opening up about women's issues with a guy. How could they possibly relate?

[Luce]

Female. I could not do therapy with a male t because of my trauma history. I find men far too triggering. Twice female Ts have accompanied me to consults with male Ts and it didn't work.
I do wonder if it would be a good idea for me to do brief therapy with a male t a little later on. So that we can see that not all men harm.

Male. I relate better to males outside of therapy and feel more comfortable with them. I have tried a few female therapists since I've been with my current one, and they leave me wanting to 'flee'; feeling unsettled at the least.

I never had an attachment to my mother that I can remember. There was no relationship with my father. Just a void.

However, in exploring this more deeply, and in session with my therapist recently, I think the female issues originate from the fact that my mother was weak, and that is what it comes down to. My father treated her like **** for years, she let him abuse us, she didn't stand up for herself or her children yet blamed us coming into the world for all her problems when she wasn't blaming my father. She treated my father like **** too. Weak is the only answer that resonates with me.

Yet-I know she did the best she could and I feel guilty for hating her. Living with destructive guilt is like being harmed a second time, in a way.

I've had female therapists in the past with no issues, but since being in more intense dynamic therapy now I have no defense mechanisms and couldn't tolerate it.

[clueda]

My T is female. It was hard for me to accept help and I felt like I'd be more comfortable with a female T. If I had to find a new T now I'd be more open about seeing a male T though.

Male. Have had female Ts before and as a consequence was not able to talk about some important issues (important for me, not important in any general sense). I do not understand the "[either gender] POV" argument, it makes no sense to me, and nor does the notion that having the same type of genitalia can make it easier to understand another person, so it's easier for me not to have to deal with that preconception in the first place. I know that this means I am wrong and weird, but it's my reality. Plus I could never discuss anything non-superficial that's to do with physical or relationship issues with a woman, it would simply not be possible.

Originally Posted by Crocus

Male. Have had female Ts before and as a consequence was not able to talk about some important issues (important for me, not important in any general sense). I do not understand the "[either gender] POV" argument, it makes no sense to me, and nor does the notion that having the same type of genitalia can make it easier to understand another person, so it's easier for me not to have to deal with that preconception in the first place. I know that this means I am wrong and weird, but it's my reality. Plus I could never discuss anything non-superficial that's to do with physical or relationship issues with a woman, it would simply not be possible.

That opinion doesn't make you wrong or weird. I agree with you that shared gender doesn't necessarily help you relate.
I don't find it easy at all to relate to other women on a friendship level. (I seem to do better in a therapeutic role, but no better than I do with men).

Female. I'm married and feel guilty when I become friends/emotionally attached to other males (I have felt this way about some of my male supervisors). Though one of my closest relationships was with a male in his 60s (I was in my 20s), I never felt guilty about that one because I looked at him as my "second father"; I was his Executive Officer, every piece of paper he saw and person on his calendar passed through my box or by my desk before seeing him and we worked long days together sometimes. It was an awesome relationship and my H was friends with him too.

All the replies here are not only appreciated,but helpful too.They are helping me understand myself a little better.

My male therapist was extremely helpful for trauma therapy,for the abuse I experienced in childhood.It took a few years of going before I actually started talking about it,but I was able to completely open up to him and work through it.Being abused by so many males,it would seem like it would have been easier to open up to a female,and I would not have been able to talk to a male at all,because I have never trusted them either.But,I think my fear of not being believed or being blamed for the abuse was stronger than my fear of seeing a male(because my Mom blamed me and beat me for being sexually abused).

While in therapy,it never felt like the abuse happened to me,and for that reason I could talk about it.

But,I was not able to talk about anything related to adult sexuality with him,or problems in the present.For those things I feel I need a female T ,so maybe that's what I need now(?).

[junkDNA]

my former T who sexually abused and exploited me was male. a lot of people dont understand why i chose to see another male T after that. i am not sure either TBH. when i met my T for the first time i just felt like he could help me, it was just a instinct... and i also somehow knew he would never do what my former T did or anything close to it

[benzenering]

I'm female, my T is male. I relate to men better, so it is working out. My two previous T's were female, but neither one really addressed my issues so seeing them was a waste of time and money.