[1stepatatime]

I find myself questioning my therapy. I guess many of us do, it is after all deep intense work. As of late I find myself feeling stuck. Just not sure about it. There is much that I am thankful for, I no longer have thoughts about suicide. I feel more self aware. Despite these gains I'm questioning. It was another post asking if others therapists help the client along ( or something like that) which prompted me to second guess a few things, especially the silences. Actually, it's not so much the silences it's the way in which my therapist responds to it. Most often she doesn't. Admittedly these silences are not as frequent as they used to be but they happen enough to where I'm concerned. Then there are some ridiculous boundaries regarding her articulating her feelings regarding me. I won't go into that because I have in other posts. Another concern is when she responds to my email she will say something like " I have so many thoughts regarding x,y,z .. I look forward to discussing when we meet " and yet when I bring the topic up in session she throws out two or three sentences and that's it. Feels pretty lame to me considering she had " so many thoughts ".
Perhaps it's time for a break. Do any of you waver in your feelings of your therapeutic experiences?

[Elio]

I think many of us waver in our feelings of our therapeutic experiences. In fact when I set up my schedule with t through January I though, hey I'm doing pretty good, I'm not needing her, I'm not mad at her, I've found some other outlets, I don't need as many sessions so I didn't schedule them. On Wednesday, I scheduled the ones I had left off. I know my feelings go all over the board from not ever knowing how I could live without having t in my life at least on a monthly bases...to eh, I can move forward with out her... from loving her... to hating her ... to oh she's my doc. Sometimes those feelings last for days or weeks and other times they can all happen in the same day.

I'm not sure why a break would eliviate how you feel about therapy?
For me, Therapy has been full off frustrations, but talking about them was far more useful than taking a break. Ambivalence is a very painful position. Walking away just puts us one the soft side, but that leaves a feeling of something missing.
It is hard when we expected a more informing reply from T. But really, in the big game of therapy, the gains you mention are worth more.
Just when you feel you can't go no further, grab therapy harder!

[AllHeart]

Perhaps that's as best her skill set can serve you. Maybe a break would give you time needed to re-evaluate and figure out what you need from therapy (if anything) going forward. Look around for other therapists to see how it feels to you. Maybe you need someone else to take you to the next level.

[Moment]

I had been feeling like things were lately less than useful with my marriage counselor, who has been helpful in the past, and our sessions didn't seem to really go anywhere. I talked to her about it frankly, and we decided we needed to refocus on another goal. And we agreed to a new goal and are already making progress on it. It sounds like you have made some real gains in therapy (yay!). Maybe now you are ready to shift the focus of the work...maybe you could identify another front or concern or relationship where you could work and make progress, or maybe you could ask your T if she has any ideas for a focus?

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Elio

I think many of us waver in our feelings of our therapeutic experiences. In fact when I set up my schedule with t through January I though, hey I'm doing pretty good, I'm not needing her, I'm not mad at her, I've found some other outlets, I don't need as many sessions so I didn't schedule them. On Wednesday, I scheduled the ones I had left off. I know my feelings go all over the board from not ever knowing how I could live without having t in my life at least on a monthly bases...to eh, I can move forward with out her... from loving her... to hating her ... to oh she's my doc. Sometimes those feelings last for days or weeks and other times they can all happen in the same day.

I'm going through pretty much the same as you are. Right now I just feel kind of silly, because I let it get to me so much.. someone that I see once a week and don't really know, other than what she shares. I think I am uncertain if we can go any further or if we've hit a plateau.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

I'm going through pretty much the same as you are. Right now I just feel kind of silly, because I let it get to me so much.. someone that I see once a week and don't really know, other than what she shares. I think I am uncertain if we can go any further or if we've hit a plateau.

I often feel silly because it gets to me. A few weeks back I told t, "I swear I didn't used to be such a mess. Maybe I wasn't using the best coping mechanisms but I was stable. I was managing."

My guess is that if things are still in such a state of flux, you have stuff to talk about as long as your t can go there with you. My t and I spend almost equal time talking about things in my life and about our relationship. *my song and dance* It goes a little like this... first I feel something, then I don't feel something, then I put it on t, then I put it on me, then we talk us through, and finally it makes it to my life and makes more sense. *all to the tune of the hokey pokey*

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I'm not sure why a break would eliviate how you feel about therapy?
For me, Therapy has been full off frustrations, but talking about them was far more useful than taking a break. Ambivalence is a very painful position. Walking away just puts us one the soft side, but that leaves a feeling of something missing.
It is hard when we expected a more informing reply from T. But really, in the big game of therapy, the gains you mention are worth more.
Just when you feel you can't go no further, grab therapy harder!

The walking away part.. exactly, I would feel that I am missing something or perhaps I was hasty. You are correct about the gains that I have made.. I am forever grateful for that. My therapist is definitely worth her salt.. I just wonder if maybe WE have gone as far as we can together.. that's the tough part because I don't really want to leave, yet I wonder if I should reach out to someone else ( therapist) .. time will tell

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Perhaps that's as best her skill set can serve you. Maybe a break would give you time needed to re-evaluate and figure out what you need from therapy (if anything) going forward. Look around for other therapists to see how it feels to you. Maybe you need someone else to take you to the next level.

Right... that's what I am wondering, if maybe she has taken me as far as she can. But as I type this I also have to wonder if I'm the one who has gone as far as I can due to my own fears of raw emotion. I think this is definitely worth exploring in session. She tells me that she is "waiting for me to come to her" meaning to expose my sadness, anger, all of that toxic stuff that is somewhere tucked away. I just wish she could always be the warm person she sometimes is, it helps me to feel safe. I think if she was more consistent with that then perhaps I would feel safe enough to be vulnerable.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Moment

I had been feeling like things were lately less than useful with my marriage counselor, who has been helpful in the past, and our sessions didn't seem to really go anywhere. I talked to her about it frankly, and we decided we needed to refocus on another goal. And we agreed to a new goal and are already making progress on it. It sounds like you have made some real gains in therapy (yay!). Maybe now you are ready to shift the focus of the work...maybe you could identify another front or concern or relationship where you could work and make progress, or maybe you could ask your T if she has any ideas for a focus?

I haven't thought about refocusing on something else... that is something to think about! We have been working together for four years now and we spend a lot of time talking about me.. how my earlier experiences have influenced who I am today (psychodynamic) We have spent time talking about my relationship with my partner which has proved to be helpful in that dept. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.. something to consider : )

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Elio

I often feel silly because it gets to me. A few weeks back I told t, "I swear I didn't used to be such a mess. Maybe I wasn't using the best coping mechanisms but I was stable. I was managing."

My guess is that if things are still in such a state of flux, you have stuff to talk about as long as your t can go there with you. My t and I spend almost equal time talking about things in my life and about our relationship. *my song and dance* It goes a little like this... first I feel something, then I don't feel something, then I put it on t, then I put it on me, then we talk us through, and finally it makes it to my life and makes more sense. *all to the tune of the hokey pokey*

That hokey pokey thing sounds rather familiar!! Lol