[sunrise]

I really hate talking on the phone. My T doesn't seem to use the phone much and doesn't encourage calls. So maybe we are a good combination that way. Anyway, at our session Tuesday night (which was great, by the way), he let the session run late then had to rush out, because he had an event to attend that evening. We didn't have time to get our next appointment on the books for next week. He said "I will call you tonight after my event, to schedule you." I said, "OK," then added, "Are you really going to call?" (because I know he is not a real phone person). And he said, "yes, I promise I will call." And he asked for my phone number, wrote it on a piece of paper, took his schedule book with him, and jetted out the door.

Well, he didn't call that night. And he didn't call yesterday. And he hasn't called today. I called and left a message on his voice mail about 3 hours ago. He doesn't work on Fridays and this is a 3 day holiday weekend. He will not have many slots available in the shortened week next week.

I have had a really rough last few days. I am falling to pieces. I don't want this phone call to cry on his shoulder, although it would be nice to hear his voice. I want this phone call only so I can schedule an appointment next week. That's all. I am so falling apart and need to know I can see him next week. I feel really abandoned that he has not called me to set the appointment.

I bet he never calls.

[MissCharlotte]

((Sunny))

He will call. He will call and feel terrible that he forgot/got tied up/got home late or whatever the other night. Hang in there girlfriend. Just because he doesn't work on Fridays doesn't mean he won't make a phone call on Friday.

PS I hate the phone too.

[lauren_helene]

oh sunny, you know that I understand this one! If he doesn't call, he had better reserve something for you if you have a usual day and time.

Hang in there. I like to be the last appointment if possible. Sometimes he'll go another 5 minutes or so. It depends on what the topic is.

ah sunny, that sounds really rough. thats about when i send an email something along the lines of:

'I feel abandoned :-('

i really hate broken promises (even though i'm understanding about it when people don't make a habit of it). hang in there... sorry you are having a rough time right now.

[Izzyparker]

First off, that sucks! (Can I say that?). I would be really hurt and do not apologize for calling and leaving that message. He needed to call. He needs to follow through and call you back with an appointment time. And you should let him know how disappointed you are that he didn't call.

My t is just terrible on the phone too. I told her recently that when she calls me (to reschedule or some other small matter) I feel as though I am talking to a complete stranger with ZERO warmth or familiarity with who she is talking to. It was a good conversation and one I still have strong feelings around, so I need to go back there.

Good Luck and let us know if he calls back. Hang in there. Most of all, don't take it personally. It's not about you. He made the mistake.

Sunny I'm so sorry. I know that you mentioned that short time ago you emailed him and he wrote you back. Would that be a possibility?

Can you turn this into something therapeutic? Of course. Anything can be turned into something therapeutic. Right now, is it really just the phone that you hate? I don't intend to put thoughts in your head or words in your mouth, but I know that when, for example, I have a bad phone call with T or he leaves a crap message, I usually hate him for bit, a lot more than I hate the phone. And then I use it therapeutically as another means of expressing anger and frustration at the perceived abandonment. And then fall back in love. haha... Or at least learn that I can hold several (opposing) feelings for him all at the same time and the whole relationship won't fall apart. Helps me to work on expressing that anger.

Ok, don't mean to go on and on. Take care of yourself.

[sunrise]

Thanks, sister, almedafan, alex_k, IzzyParker, and pinksoil.

Well, he didn't call back this afternoon or tonight. What does it mean? That he is deliberately ignoring me? I sure hope he doesn't start to play that kind of crappy game with me.

My prediction remains that he will not call me back this entire weekend. And we will have no appointment next week because he never gets back to me.

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almedafan wrote:
he had better reserve something for you if you have a usual day and time

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That was the problem, because my usual day and time are unavailable next week, so he wanted to try to fit me in elsewhere. Right now I am not on his calendar at all, except for one appointment the last week of September. If he doesn't call me back, we will not see each other until then, and I have been seeing him weekly.

What can you do? You can't force someone to return your call.

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pinksoil wrote:
I know that you mentioned that short time ago you emailed him and he wrote you back. Would that be a possibility?

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Maybe. I hate to abuse that privilege. And right now I am feeling too rejected to email him.

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pinksoil wrote:
is it really just the phone that you hate?

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No, I am having major anger at my husband right now, and it is leaking out all over. So I am sure I am angry at my T just as a spin off of this. I am having a really really hard time right now, and I don't need to add rejection from my T to the list. If I could speak my mind to him, I would say, "T, this is not a great time to jerk me around like this! I need you to be stable and accessible now, and that means giving me a weekly appointment without making it such an ordeal of unreturned phone calls and broken promises."

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And then fall back in love.

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Well, I'm waiting for that. Impatiently waiting.[/taps_foot] I am prepared to fall back in love the moment he phones. But it ain't happenin'.

Thanks again, everyone.

i'd send him an email and / or leave him a phone message:

I FEEL ABANDONED WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

but then... i'm not exactly renowned for my emotional maturity...

;-)

[MissCharlotte]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
"T, this is not a great time to jerk me around like this! I need you to be stable and accessible now, and that means giving me a weekly appointment without making it such an ordeal of unreturned phone calls and broken promises."

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I think you need to call again and read this quote when the message goes "beep."

I bet it would get you a return call.

[sunrise]

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sunrise said:
I am prepared to fall back in love the moment he phones.

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OK, it happened. I'm in love again.

God, it feels good.

He called this morning, apologized for not calling me back on Tuesday as he had said he would. He had wanted to rearrange his schedule, and he could now fit me in on usual day and time. I grabbed that slot!

And he also said he put together a meeting for later today with my other team members, and they would get some of the logistical stuff sorted out that has been troublesome. (I've mentioned here before that my T will be filling a dual professional role for me, and the second role is now beginning with his involvement in this meeting.) I shared some stuff that has been going on lately, hard stuff, that is stressing me out. I know he could hear it in my voice, and I felt his empathy, and a sense of him wanting to protect me. (Did I imagine that?) He commended me for standing strong on what I want and not giving in. And also I shared some stuff pertaining to the meeting. He was glad to know all this in advance. Now he goes to bat.

When he talks to me on the phone, it doesn't even sound like his voice. It's weird. But his voice was so strong and firm and decisive, it really buoyed me. I felt his strength pass to me over the airwaves. I've been having a hard time lately, and I really needed that.

Have I said I love my T?

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. That is great!

[sunrise]

Oh yeah, and he said he is going to call me again this weekend to let me know how the meeting goes. Wow, now something to look forward to. What a bonus.

I promise I will not get angsty if he doesn't call... I promise. (I am the type who keeps my promises, lol.)

Did you give him a hard time? If you did not, then I am impressed. I would have given my T a bit of a hard time, then I'd fall back in love. I'm so glad you're feeling better about things.

[sunrise]

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pinksoil said:
Did you give him a hard time?

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No, not at all. He immediately launched into an apology and explanation of why he hadn't called sooner, and that was good enough for me. I was not so much stuck on the fact he hadn't called sooner as eager to take the caring and strength he projected over the phone. I really needed that so I took advantage. I think I would say that I glommed onto what he had to give. Sheeesh, it's a good thing we were talking by phone or he might have been engulfed.

Can they hear that need in us? Do they ever get scared of engulfment? Does it feed their ego to know they are so important in a person's life? Or is it just what they do, their profession, and they take pride in doing it well?

At one point my voice got very quavery and he could tell I was barely holding things together right now--the last few days have been hard. As I mentioned, I felt his response was very supportive and had this protective element to it. I don't think I imagined that. I felt a bit of anger from him that I was going through this and it came out to me as a fierce sense of protectiveness toward me from him. Did I hallucinate that? That's how it felt to me, and it made me feel good.