I hate the phone.

<font color="green"> What a mess! My SIL told my Ds about my stepfather’s molesting me as a teen and he told my mother. Now my stepfather is denying it and my mother has had to go to the hospital cos her blood pressure went sky high. Db believes my stepfather and Ds seems doubtful. I dunno; what reason would I have to tell this story now? I wish I was dead I knew my stepfather would deny it I dunno what I should do next if anything. Even my son seems to doubt me now and that hurts beyond telling. He had said that he had never known me to lie and so believed me but with all this… well how can he not doubt me, too.
I found out about this when my mother called. Her voice was teary and she wanted to know if her husband had done what her grandson had said he did. I asked her what he said. That he had molested me she said. .I said yes.
I don’t exactly remember what we said just the highlights—she asked if I was sure it was molestation not just horseplay. I affirmed that it was not horseplay and I knew the difference. She kept wanting to know why I had never told – it happened 38 years ago, well I did the math it was 35 years ago but that was not important. I told her that I believed I was responsible for it happening, I didn’t believe she would believe me, I was ashamed and feared that if she did believe me that I would then be responsible for her second divorce – I already blamed myself for the first one. She pointed out that she had believed me when I was molested by a creep in a garden store. However, this was her husband and the father of two of her children she was in the hospital when this happened having that second baby.
I wanted to yell at her – what part of having a man’s penis tapping your mouth is horseplay? Or what part of horseplay is having him lick your privates? But I felt that I couldn’t say that that ii didn’t need to be so specific. Now I am wondering if I did us all a disservice by being general and vague about the specifics. My DH asked some questions about it and I was able to tell him what he wanted to know – just flat voice and wrenching inside.

I have felt sick to my stomach ever since my mother called. Clearly, I am off and so the kids have been more reactive as well. I can deal with it all in my therapy session but I don’t know if I can do anything with it all for my dd. the ideal of opening this can of worms with her therapist – her male therapist makes me sick.
I thought I had worked through all this but now it is just a raw open wound. I don’t want to work on it or through it again I want it all to be over, done. I don’t care a lot how it gets done just be done.

sadly,</font>

I am very very sorry...you are in my thoughts. I hope you feel better than now. ((((hugs if its ok with you)))) We are all here for you to support you when you need someone. PM me anytime. Good luck

Hi.I know how u feel.Until about 5 or 6 days ago,my dad used to sexually abuse me,but,now im in a foster home.Plus,ive been sexually abused 3 times by 3 other people.Once when i was 5 my cousin molested me.2 years ago,i was kidnapped and raped,and last year i was raoed by a man who used to be my psychiatrist.Im sorry to talk about myself right now,I just wanted to let u know i know how u feel.You are in my thoughts and prayers.
(((((((hugs))))))) (if its ok with u).bye.

<font color="#008800">I found out today that my mother went to her therapist and talked to her about this. Her therapist told her that I was probably delusional. So now they all believe I dreamed it up.

My therapist is out of town until Thursday. I feel so lost. I know I didn't imagine it. I don't know why my family doesn't believe me. My mother is denying that she was told to give me sherry and even going so far as to say they didn't have it in the house. But I know that it happened that way -- there are other bits and pieces of memories around that time that I couldn't have imagined. I wish my son had kept his mouth shut. I wish I could SI for the next few hours, days until I either feel better or feel nothing. I knew I wouldn't be believed. </font>

I am so sorry. My hate aches for you. I know the negativity of people not believing you. Good luck, hopefully things change for the better. Maybe your therapist could have a family therapy session? That way your family knows a doctor is evaulating you. Maybe go see her counciler..have him talk to you. Once he realizes your telling the truth maybe he can give counciling to your mother. Remember he doesnt know you...so as much as he has no right to say you dreamed it up he also has no right to jump to saying your telling the truth. I believe you, no doubt however just think about it..would a heart doctor just diagnose and say out loud that someone he never knew just heard about has a heart murmer? Of course he shouldnt say that you are delusional but remember he is going on what your mother said. She may not have given all the details, she may have forgotten, or she was to afraid to give all the details. Good luck, may you find your peace. Remember, forgive your son for telling. He had his best interests for you, he was worried about you. Please dont SI. You are strong and brave and know that you have friends here that believe you. Good luck pm me anytime

Dalila,

I hate the phone too, that's why I initially read your post. What I read was heart-breaking; I'm so sorry. I believe you.

I went through something similar, it was my uncle. These things don't happen in a normal family, meaning that the perp., in your cause your step-father, picked up on the vibe that you were vulnerable, would probably not be believed (*not because of you but because your other care-taker was sleeping at the wheel*), and that you'd be likely not to say anything (again, not because you "secretly liked it," you were a child and unlikely to tell for fear of. . . . well, what eventually did happen.

I got that too. Was I sure? It was probably just innocent, I'm so dramatic. I told when I was 17. It started happening when I was 11. So, my mother did the logical thing (being venomously sarcastic here) and asked the pedophile, "Is this true?" He denied it (shocker!) and his wife picked up the other line and said "You know she's a liar, a druggie." True enough, I was a druggie. But I wasn't lying. My father went nuts, the police came and my father blurted out "she's been %#@&#! her uncle."

Once it was established that it happened (my mother needed to hear it from her brother's mouth on his death-bed, I still don't know if I believe her, though, that he admitted it), it was "not that bad." I actually remember my mother telling me to get over it, it happens to most girls.

Most girls aren't her daughter. I'm 36 now, and I think about it all the time. Not just "it," but how it was handled. Like I was the one to blame.

It wasn't my intention to add fuel to this fire. I hope I haven't. I just want you to know that this is par for the course. It doesn't mean you lied about it, it means they don't want to believe it. You needn't talk about this any way with any one if you don't want to. You know the truth. You don't need to convince anyone. I hope you're taking good care of yourself. This is hard, but the hardest part is over.

If I were you, I would tell everyone that you've been advised not to talk about it by a therapist, and will no longer subject yourself to an interrogation for a crime. you. did. not. commit.

You're seeing your therapist tomorrow, right? You're in my thoughts. PM me anytime.

Peace,
E

<font color="green">I love my therapist! She seems to always be able to find the root of issues and help me to see it. I was feeling so guilty so naked so ashamed and she helped me to see it was not me. I had not done a thing to be guilty or ashamed about. I know that seems simple but believe me, we worked hard for me to get there. I feel like a ten ton weight has been taken off my back.

I still feel exposed and maybe a bit ashamed at that but I am not immobilized by it any more. I can talk to any of them without wanting to si. I am getting healthier and stronger.

</font>

I don't like the phone either, btw and often shut it off.

Dalila,

I'm so glad that you're feeling stronger. And that your therapist is there for you. Shame is awful, like living without skin. It is a huge deal that you get that it was in no way your fault.

~Emma