Couch 136: Transference Welcome!

Oh god, something happened at work and a bunch of VVIPs got mad at me because of issues at a teleconference. The AV tech dude got mad at me for not knowing how a phone cable looks like and what ports to plug in in. VIP boss demanded a email report from me. Shaking and cold sweaty hands as I tried to plug in the phone line. Technically it's not my fault but I will be blamed nonetheless. A bunch of VIPs and the AV tech guy berating me is humiliating and shameful for me.

Today is a really lousy day. I have to do the file management because I'm the lowest ranking IT manager...

One of my colleagues took me aside later to teach me about the phone lines and data lines and power lines in an empty conference room. To him these things are second nature. To me, I need to be taught how to recognise the dizzying array of cables and their ports...

I'm still shaky. Wrote the incident report with the required "Steps I will do to ensure this doesn't happen again". I know it isn't completely my fault although the VIPs and AV team will blame me for not double checking on things. I'm trying to be self compassionate and not self punish by going without food but I've zero appetite. :/

It's not your fault qm. You can't know this if noone has thought you.

I don't really see your AVs problem either... Is there something you'd like to eat right now? Like ice cream or chocolate or...

Eating a slice of caramel chocolate cake with my favourite green tea latte. I rarely go to Starbucks but I don't want to go home dysregulated. My dad will just mock me if I told him about today. I owe him money for painting my room together with this month's allowance to them. Somehow it's so upsetting that they barely talk to me unless it's about money or belittling me. I pretend everything is good about my work because the father recently told me off for complaining. The brother who traumatised me has been wordlessly following me around to places on weekends lately and it's super creepy. I'm so...fed up...

Paranoid that brother will see it

Hugs, QM...that sounds miserable. Hope you enjoyed the green tea latte and cake and are feeling a bit better. Do they have mango black tea lemonade and peach green tea lemonade at the Starbucks where you are? Those are my favorites. And chai.

I hope you can enjoy your green tea latte! I love starbucks, but it's way too expensive. I love their hot chocolate, it's one of the bests I ever had.

Might I ask why you even tell him? I mean, how does he deserve your trust? Sorry, I don't mean to be insulting or anything...

Do you know why your brother does this? Sounds creepy and annoying to me...

Ooh, I'm not sure if they have. Sounds interesting. They've chai - is it good? I love chai!

I agree Starbucks is expensive. Wish I could afford it more hehe. I haven't tried their hot chocolate. Maybe I'll treat myself to some next bonus.

I tell them because if I just stuck to "I'm fine. Just busy", periodically the father throws a tantrum yelling that his children don't talk to him and cuts off the internet. And he'll yell that I'm always in my room with my door locked.

He's lonely and acts out after a period of increasing tension. My sister bugs me to validate his emotional needs but doesn't live with us lol. When I suggested she go talk to him, she was like "are you kidding me?"

Once I told T how I listened to the father self aggrandizing and monologuing for 3 hours. She praised me and I got upset... I'm weird.

The brother follows me when he wants conversation with me. I generally avoid him or keep talk very short. He creeps me out. I've been wary of him since very young.

Hugs... My dad used to do that too. He spent hours walking up and down in front of my brothers and mine closed door, complaining about how awful we are to him, that he hasn't done anything wrong and that we're supposed to talk with him more. He cut off the internet periodically too, which was always the worst for me, as the internet was the only place I felt able to communicate with people (not about MI, but about things in genereal). I'm so glad I don't have to see him more often now. He managed to visit me once since I've moved out, and that only for 30minutes. I once realised that the best way to argue with him was just to sit there quietly and agree to everything he says.
I'm sorry you have to go through this I don't think it's your job to meet your dads needs though... It would be his job to meet yours.

Your brother sure as hell sounds creepy... Is he holder or younger than you are? If I might ask

Hugs! Internet was my lifeline in my teens when I finally was allowed a private laptop for vocational school. Before then we had two hours of internet per week if we behaved well (arbitrary definition of good behavior subject to the whims of the parents) shared between three siblings.

Omg my dad doesn't pace for hours but he will rant, rant, rant, cut off internet, call us out to berate us. He used to hit us too when we were teens.

I sit quietly and agree with whatever he says too, I'm so sorry you experiences similarly. It's really unfair and wrong that this was done to you.

What's your relationship like with your brother, if I can ask?

My sister still keeps defending him to me...every time she criticises him, she defends him because she feels disloyal criticising him. I used to tell T I'm a horrible traitor whenever I talked about the parents.

I know my father is very lonely. Hea like a kid who was given a lot of conditional praise (he was the golden child in his family) and throws tantrums when he feels neglected or can't get his way.

Where is no starbucks in my city, so i never tried it... I heard different opinions, from "excellent coffee" to "bad and too expensive". Maybe i'll try one day

I have problems talking with my cousin and even just seeing him.
.
I felt ok for years, but now i almost hate him.

Some of you know i have problems with parents too. I have no private space - no room, no table, no corner... no shelf and so on. My mom used to check my bag or backpack every day, but i made her stop it.

Relationship with realtives can be really tough...

I really undestand the "feel like a traitor" part... I mean, my dad is great in general, he's just...
Maybe he's lonely... But then he should look for friends in his age-category (uhm... hope you know what I mean >.<), who are on the same level as he is and not look for glorification of his children...

My relationship with my brother is complicated. We used to have an awful lot of physical fights when we were younger. He broke my finger once At the same time we were (and are) very clingy. He texts me if he needs advice, or money, or help with school work etc.. He used to crawl into my bed sometimes when he was scared I really adore him and would do everything for him. T once said that it sounds like I'm his caregiver, not his sister, but that's ok for me.

Well yes of course. But it's also really embarrassing sometimes!!

Hihi, I don't think you have missed anything if you weren't there, but you should try it once anyway. I think it's both - excellent coffee (if you have luck, some of them are... very special), but also too expensive.

Hugs... I'm glad you got her to stop...
I wish you wouldn't have to talk with your cousin anymore

I know what you mean my dad doesn't really have close friends I think. He brags about himself to everyone, even his siblings get annoyed.

I still think your dad ranting forbhours is scary. Parents can be good and bad, complex people. The good doesn't negate the bad.

Ouch, broken finger sounds agonizing! Sibling relationships are so weird sometimes.

Wow, I agree with your T. You're caregiving. I get what you mean about adoring your brother. He's lucky to have you! I adore my younger brother so I'm willing to do a lot for him. T always says I need to care for myself too and not just my younger brother

I think their chai is really good (assuming they have the same kind--I think it's Teavana brand). And, this might sound weird, but I like it iced as well.

Ohh, I live in a tropical country and iced milk beverages like coffee and tea are awesome for beating the heat and a park up after lunch.

Usually the drink has to be made.more concentrated if they're going to load the cup up with iced cubes

Because it is cheaper to pull an IT person off from their job to do administrative or janitorial work for either short blocks of time all the time (like say 10 mins x 5 a day) or for a long block every now and then (1 day/month) than it is to hire someone at lower wages and have to cover their insurance...

Coming from someone that worked as an install tech for 18 months and spent about 1/4 of the time unpacking equipment and breaking down boxes.

"Chai" is also russian word for "tea"
So i read "I love chai!" and at first i was like huh? Am i sleeping?

Till she sees the gosling again!

iced chai latte w/ a shot of espresso and a little cream