[TishaBuv]

I haven't had a great experience with therapists. I've been to at least a dozen of them over the years, never seeing each more than several times, then stopping.

I see so many on here really loving and feeling so dependent on their therapists.

I'm curious, why do you love your T?

[kaleidoscopeheart]

My T has a pretty great sense of humor which is important to me in any relationship of any kind. He also is a great listener, kind, compassionate, insightful, and isn't afraid to call me out on stuff. Also, he throws candy at me....that's a huge bonus.

I really liked my therapists, and I depended on them, but I wouldn't say I felt overly dependent on them or that my feelings for them were in any way extreme. They were good people. I would have liked them just as the people they were with or without them being my therapists.

But as my therapists I appreciated them for their consistency, for their professionalism, for their skills, and for their dedication to helping me get through what I was going through. They were supportive and honest with me. They didn't foster overdependence; in fact, they were very quite adamant that I keep their role in my life in perspective.

[growlycat]

I love Kashi because he took an abusive past and turned it into being a caring compassionate therapist. Because of all that he endured I intrinsically trust him with my own past.

He truly seems to love what he does. He has always been kind to me and flexible to help me find solutions to my various issues. I depend on him but I'm not sure if I'm overly dependent. If I had to move again it would be sad but I'd find another t.

He has a quirky sense of humor which makes it all go much easier. He seems to be a naturally nurturing person.

[stopdog]

I don't love either of them. I can tolerate the first one because she stays back. The second one is somewhat well read for one of those people.

[rainbow8]

I love my T because she's such a warm, caring person. She has always told me I'm very special. How can I not love someone who tells me that? I love her because she accepts me and all of my parts, even the part who was in love with her. She has always made me feel comfortable no matter what I tell her. She's present with me. I feel like we're a team.

I admire her for overcoming losses in her life and making changes. She's such a positive, upbeat person. After 7 years, I feel comfortable telling her that I love her, and I accept her expressing love for me. It's a different kind of love, but not really. Love is love.

I love him because he's proven himself to be a wonderful practitioner and person. He's proven that it isn't an act, and this is who he is. It's rare, and he has had a huge impact on my life.

I know my "love" for T is not truly love... It is a transference pattern I need to break, because I "loved" ex T too. I like them, I respect them, I developed attachment.

T believes in nurturance and the concept of life as a journey. I'm very curious about her because I'm certain my "love" for her is mostly idealised projections and that I don't really know what her values and beliefs are. I would like to know, because I hope learning to see her as more of a regular human would break the "love" I feel for her. Break the attachment, break the dependency.

I think somewhere in my life I accepted the fact that all relationships in life are actually transitory. Perhaps it was the way life and death were regarded as perfectly normal in my upbringing. Some relationships we obviously hope last longer than others, but no relationship will ever last forever.

That isn't a pessimistic view for me; it is just realistic, and in a way, I think it helps me appreciate whatever relationships I find myself in in the moment. I've had some marvelous relationships that were actually quite brief, and I had great affection for those individuals (and yes, even love at times). And those transitory relationships, even the ones where I can look back and say I loved that person, surprisingly didn't leave me crushed when they came to an end. We moved on in our separate ways and that was okay; that is life. The relationships that were truly difficult endings were losses of dear family and close friends (I don't put my therapists in that category, but can still comfortably say I had love for them as people.)

[Pennster]

I love my therapist, but I love a lot of people in my life, so this doesn't feel unusual. He has been so helpful to me, and he's a very kind and compassionate person. I've been seeing him for several years, so I feel it's natural to have loving feelings for him, just as I love lots of my friends, co-workers, etc.

[captgut]

I love him, because he's a great listener.
I love him, because he's very kind, warm and careful.
I love him, because he's a very interesting person.
I like his sense of humor.

But the most important thing - he's a human. He's not a "perfect robot-therapist". He's open and honest with me. I really appreciate that.

I think that a baby has a built in instinct to love their care giver intensely. I think that having care and attention from my therapist somehow took me back to a young state, I re-experienced feelings from that time, some of which were traumatic, the feelings included intense love. My therapists were very ordinary and we're not particularly good therapists, but I still felt intense love. I attribute that feeling to the set up of therapy.

[junkDNA]

because he's basically the only person who has told me explicitly that they care. shown me that he is here for me in the long run no matter how rocky it gets, no matter how annoying and rebellious i act. hasn't given up on me when i have given him one million reasons to. knows me better than most and can read me without me using words.

he is endearing and dorky. also probably because he is an older male fatherly figure.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I think somewhere in my life I accepted the fact that all relationships in life are actually transitory. Perhaps it was the way life and death were regarded as perfectly normal in my upbringing. Some relationships we obviously hope last longer than others, but no relationship will ever last forever.

That isn't a pessimistic view for me; it is just realistic, and in a way, I think it helps me appreciate whatever relationships I find myself in in the moment. I've had some marvelous relationships that were actually quite brief, and I had great affection for those individuals (and yes, even love at times). And those transitory relationships, even the ones where I can look back and say I loved that person, surprisingly didn't leave me crushed when they came to an end. We moved on in our separate ways and that was okay; that is life. The relationships that were truly difficult endings were losses of dear family and close friends (I don't put my therapists in that category, but can still comfortably say I had love for them as people.)

Me too! People come and go. We are like peas in a pod, then move on. I always had this view, maybe even before my father died when I was 12.

[TishaBuv]

I knew this post would get lots of responses. Keep posting, this is good stuff.

I feel like I haven't even gotten off the ground with the therapists. I go there, trying to figure out what is medically wrong with me, and I've gotten a few conflicting diagnoses, given too abruptly and without adequate testing. Then I get frustrated and quit.

[Elio]

I wrote up this long and lovely list of things and lost it... so here is the shorter version...

I wrote this to her some time ago:

And.. yeah, I do care about you... ... And yes, I know.. I don't know you. So how can I care for you? We have been working together for about a year now, and maybe it is just a projection, I feel like I have a general understanding of your compassion, your energy(?). Additionally, I care a great deal about what you bring to my life. I don't need to know very much about you personally to know that you have and are making a big difference in my life and I don't want to lose that. Maybe that is a selfish way of looking at things, and I hope it doesn't come across as callous, but isn't that what the caring is in relationships. Caring for the other person because they bring something to your life that you treasure. And I believe you do bring more than just your job duties to our relationship. I almost believe that I demanded you bring more to this relationship than just your job duties. But again maybe this is projection... and maybe I'm good with that. I feel and believe that it's not just projection.

I could add to the above statements... my life is better by having her in it. I feel this holds true love as well as caring.

I love her for many different reasons (characteristics) at different times and by different parts of me. I do have maternal transference going on and in those moments, the love is a pure innocent unquestioning love that a very young child has for their primary caregiver. At other times, it is the feelings I have from the communication (mostly nonverbal) that occurs between us. And that smile.

[Myrto]

I don't love my therapist. I like her just fine but that's it. I don't think it would be healthy for me to love her. I mean, how can I love someone I don't know? Someone I pay to listen to me? I love real people in my real life: my parents, my brother, my girlfriend, my friends. My therapist isn't a real person.

[jesswah]

I'm not sure I'd say that I love her, but I definitely like her. She listens to what I say, doesn't interrupt. And actually listens and seems to understand, which is not something I've ever had. If she is ever judging me, then she doesn't let on. Does she really care about me as a person? I've got no clue. But she has been helpful and has a good sense of humor.

[laxer12]

I love my T because she is the one person in my life right now that I feel really cares about me and wants to help me. The only times I've been upset with her are because I was being triggered by something else, it was never actually what she did.

I loved my old T too because I wouldn't have survived grad school without her but my current T has a plan for helping me and works hard at it. I feel like we are team in trying to help me work through my issues. She will also slightly adjust her boundaries if she thinks it would be helpful (i.e. encouraging me to email throughout the week since I sometimes don't say as much in session). Also, she tries to push me just enough to help me make progress but would stop in a heartbeat if I ever said it was too much. For me, when people push me, it shows me that they really care. Because pushing someone takes effort and it's a risk so most wouldn't do it unless they cared enough to put in the effort and take that risk.

I'm also super attached to my T so it is impossible for me not to feel like I don't love her.

I don't really love my therapists. It's more appreciation, respect, liking in a good case. The appreciation is when I find our interactions useful, respect mostly for professionalism, knowledge, effort, and liking for personality.

[Moment]

I love my therapist because we've known each other for years now and I have learned that I can depend on him. He's open, non-defensive, accepts criticism and admits his part whenever we hit a rough patch, and he has a wry sense of humor. He's older than me and has the wisdom of age. I feel we are fellow travelers, and even though we have had different life experiences, we share a connection that comes from both of us being willing to be open and to take emotional risks in the therapy room. He is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but neither am I. I think he's helped me to grow as a person and I suspect I have helped him as well, because my suspicion is that no client truly changes unless something within the therapist changes too, or at least is open to being changed.

Short answer? Paternal transference. He treats me the way I wish one of my biological parents would have.

[TishaBuv]

It seems like most of you have been in therapy for a long time. Maybe that's why I haven't bonded. I have been focusing on trying to figure out if my problems are caused by me having MI or if they are reactions to relationship problems.

I don't stay with these T's very long.

I have an appointment tomorrow and I am dreading it. She told me to find another T to do talk therapy with, as she is a psychiatrist, and I didn't call anyone. I'm just not feeling it. So, I have to go tell her I didn't follow her instructions, and she'll probably label me a difficult Borderline and I won't go back.

[Moment]

TishaBuy, why not read some books or information on how to best use therapy? Therapy can be great, if you find the right person and understand how therapy is supposed to work--otherwise it can be a real mystery. I found this very helpful:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-psychotherapy
A book called "The Gift of Therapy" also helped me see it from the therapist's perspective.
It may be that you just haven't found the right therapist (I have had a couple that didn't work for me). But it also may be that you are bailing on relationships before they have a chance to get deeper, and if so that might be something going on in your outside life as well. If so, working through that in therapy might be a real life-changing experience.

[Trippin2.0]

I have never loved any of my therapists.

That would be way too weird for me.

I was very fond of one or two in particular, but love? No ways.

I liked them because they "got me", challenged me, validated me, and seemed determined to help me.

Yeah, for once something in my life is about me.

I think we had / have, an excellent rapport, which makes for awesome working relationships, but I've never focused on bonding, connecting or trust.

Lol think I'm way too focused on just jumping in and getting the work done.

I've been sad to see the last two go, but nothing gut wrenching or heart breaking, I always knew they weren't permanent fixtures.