Validation denied again

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Had a very long and difficult weekend. Last Weds I disclosed my childhood sexual abuse to my T via email. This was very emotional hard for me disclose. I had my session with her the following day I was so nervous because she would surely bring it up. She never did nor did I.She told me at the beginning of session that my insurance company called and said that I had to cut down to 1 session a week because I didn't meet the criteria?Really? They said I had to be suicidal or just out of the hospital........ She said she tried to explain but they said no. I left session frustrated and upset but didn't say anything, Maybe she didn't read it? But her phone goes off when she gets a email? I waited all weekend in a complete mess for a email or text just acknowledging that she got it, but nothing. Now I feel let down once again. I disclosed and got shut down. I am not good And not handling this well at all. I can't think straight. Missed session today on purpose

Oh that is so tough.
I would imagine that she likely didn't see it. What an awful message for her not to see! It's also possible she hadn't seen it before your session last week and maybe saw it later but thought it too big/too important to say anything via email.
I do hope you can go back and talk about this.
Take gentle care.

I know a lot of t's won't bring up stuff like csa until the client brings it up. You may have emailed her, but she may want you to bring up in session.

Most therapists will wait until you bring things like this up yourself in session. You need to actually speak to her and discuss it, but the fact that you only mentioned it in email might be signalling to her that you aren't ready to discuss it face-to-face. Skipping a session isn't going to communicate that to her. I hope you will return and actually bring the subject up in session. She's probably waiting for you to bring it up in session (which is really the better place to discuss CSA than email anyway). Best of luck to you.

I agree with the others that many T's won't initiate on this topic. I hope you can find a way to ask her about it. Hang in there.

My T does this. Sometimes I let it be. Sometimes I ask did you get my...

Ooh, that would be really hard on me too. How do you feel about discussing it? Do you feel ready? If so, could you try testing the waters with her? You could always say something like... "I sent you an email last week that felt really important to me, and I was surprised that you didn't mention it in our session. Did you get it?"

That would let you verify that it made it to her, because honestly, sometimes emails don't make it. I've had a friend send me an email, then a 2nd one to follow up on something he said in the first - I got the 2nd one, but not the first! When I asked him what he was talking about, we figured it out. It was sort of crazy though, he sent them just a few minutes apart... and that first one *never* came through.

Good luck, and good for you for sending the email. It is SO not easy, but you took that step!

I think the t is waiting for you to bring it up too. If you send something by email they seem to think its because you can't discuss it so they won't bring it up. It is a very big thing. Your t may be waiting until you are ready to bring it up in person, not being aware that you feel so devastated by the lack of response.
or your t didn't see it.

Situations like this is why I'm not a fan of using email to communicate with a therapist or MD. I agree with a lot of the other posters here. I think your therapist is waiting for you to mention this to her.

If you don't think you can talk about it, print the email of and hand to your therapist at your next session. But please don't assume she doesn't care.

I myself, as an abuse survivor, understand how easy it is to see something like this as evidence that someone doesn't care. I've battled this reaction my whole life.

Thank you everyone for all your great advice. I am learning it is very difficult to navigate and adapt to the do's and donts of therapy. I, like many of you have difficulties opening up without disassociating so I chose email to help. All it did was make it worst. I will try to open up on Thurs but I'm already tense about it. Thx again everyone

Could you maybe just start the session by handing your T a piece of paper that says, "Did you get my e-mail last week?" Or something like that? Because again, your may not have gotten your e-mail (that's happened with my T before--their e-mail server sucks). Or she may be waiting for you to be ready to talk about it, as others have said. So if you just say (or write) something like, 'Did you get my e-mail?" that signals that you at least want to talk about it.

I am going to go against the flow here and say that I think that it is highly unlikely that she did not see your e-mail. It is 2017, give me a break. I don't know the protocol of the "correct" method of disclosure in therapy, but to me it is damn cold that she treated you so indifferently and dismissively. Even if there is some "rule", which is ******** if you are not even aware of it, she was derelict in consciously avoiding your confession and destroying whatever presumption of trust you may have been developing. My courageous self would be furious and confront her. But, at the least, please start looking elsewhere. You deserve validation and someone who is willing to work for your trust.

THANK YOU HOPELESSPOPPY! I am still struggling with all this. I am no therapist but I do know that if someone disclosed their trauma to me in anyway, shape or form I would say something instead of making that person feel like they did something wrong or the wrong way. I tried and got let down in the worst possible way.......avoidance! A ptsd symptom that that she modeled for me in this situation, and made me not want to trust disclosing again. Thank you for validation on how I am feeling, you really open my eyes.

and what you said above is exactly what you need to say to your T...i hope you can let her know that what she did disappointed you and tarnished your sense of trust and safety with her. i am in agreement with hopelesspoppy and feel that your T handled this poorly.

Sent my T another email explaining my feelings and situation to her and how she made me feel only to find out she's on vacation and returns next week! She was going to tell me about this vacation at the Monday session I missed! How convienant..... Her vacation was more important that my validation so I'm out! I'm so done, I seek therapy for this? I sure hope T's come on this site to learn from us, because what she did was unexcuseable! I'm sorry my disclosure didn't fit into your plans..... thanks for taking away what little trust I had for ppl to help me

I'm sure she had the vacation planned for a long time, so it's not related to your disclosure. Did she say anything in her response to you about your feelings being hurt and feeling invalidated? I'd suggest at least meeting with her for one session when she gets back from vacation, at least to get some closure...

I'm sorry you are upset, but didn't you cancel your last appointment? Not sure how that makes it her fault that she didn't tell you about her vacation.
I know my therapists generally didn't give me lots of notice about vacations, particularly if they were only gone a week. I do hope you will go back and actually talk to her about your disclosure as many of us suggested previously. I think you may be making assumptions about her motives that just aren't really what is going on.

It appears to me that people who have not had problems with dissociated states, and the ways those states deal with intolerable feelings, etc., can not easily understand the rage and anger that those states can experience.

For me, I could cut them off or freeze and go into a hyper-rational state, but no rationalization or anybody else's rationalization helped with those feelings at all. They were, and to some extent still are, very primitive. What I have found that helped is keeping on trying to accept them AS THEY ARE. Over time, they seem to be calming down some, integrating into, and trusting somewhat, the rest of me. Only then, I think, does what my rational mind has to say and observe about things have any effect on them. Eventually it may be possible to talk about what a unified me feels and does, but not by my rational mind -- or anybody else's -- taking over.

It also seems to me that the therapist described here does not have a good understanding of this kind of situation. My last therapist, who certainly had her problems, was very conscientious about vacations and out of the office days. She had a chalkboard listing them and discussed weeks in advance make-up appointments if she was going to be gone less than a week.

I suspect many of us here have actually dealt with PTSD and dissociative states for a very long time and understand the hell that it can be; however, we do have to understand that if we do not actually talk to our therapist or go to our appointments, then our end of communication is vacant and it sets us up in situations where our symptoms can spiral. I feel badly that the OP is struggling right now, and hopefully she will give herself some time to try to communicate more clearly with her therapist when she returns after her vacation.

Yes, I cancelled last appt. This was our last week of 2 session weeks so we were to meet on Thurs. So her vacation notification would've been 2 days. Anyway you slice it, it hurts. She got the email,dismissed it by not asking or acknowledging that it was received and moved on.....it's all good ....i am not a survivor for nothing

No response to an email containing a disclosure of CSA is right up there with the dumbest things a therapist could do. There is no justification for this. None. Waiting for the client to bring it up in person... what? The email has to be acknowledged in some way. You don't leave that sort of thing just hanging there.

Why are therapists are let off the hook for the most egregious violations of common sense and decency? Blows my mind.

Also, just because a client misses a session, the therapist is not absolved of responsibility for keeping said client informed about vacation and possible changes in email response times.

It sounds like she might not be a very good therapist for you. Could you try someone else do you think?

My therapist takes vacations very seriously. It's really evident that vacations can be a huge issue that people need to prepare for. He tells me about them weeks or months in advance, so that I can plan other things to do with my session time. It sounds like your therapist maybe doesn't know all that much about dealing with people with a lot of trauma in their backgrounds.

How is that even possible?

So pissed that I can't even see straight!!!! Just received a invoice from my insurance and she billed me for 2 sessions!!!! One I can understand because I cancelled. But your going to charge me for a day your on vacation???? Wow, I'm so beside myself. ****ing unbelievable

Call it over reacting or whatever, I will never trust another T again!!! Here I was doubting myself. F you!!!