Couch 144: The contact-miked cactus couch

Your scores are probably hidden in there somewhere. As i remember from my nail exam, they dont have the most user-friendly reporting results. I had to retake acrylics

Here's the deal with t and me..

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. I saw t twice this past week and have been seeing him weekly now for like two months after switching to every other week.

We have a plan to stay safe - when I am not doing well is to reach out to him. I can email, but if it is more immediate I can text and he always reassures me/ and even asks me if I will contact him if my thoughts get worse.

So, Wednesday I posted about how my h and I got into an argument and he said some hurtful things to me. After that, I texted t told him h said some hurtful things and it had pushed me to the edge and was not in a good place. I sent that text at about 3:30ish.. the text was read at 7 something then he never responded. It was a rough night and I wasn't really upset at t.. I was more upset about my life/marriage. I made some plans for me to live with friends on and off / and called my bff purposely to help me stay safe.

The next morning when I woke up was when I was pissed at t. He didn't respond to my distress text, even after we confirm what I should do in those situations. So, I did impulsively email him and said I am done with therapy and you pretending like you care and I quit. I know, not my most mature moment... but that is truly how I felt. He emailed back and said you are upset about something, what is is that triggered the anger with me and therapy. I emailed back and said I feel like you don't take me seriously when I tell you how bad I am doing, or when I contact you out of session.

His response was that he always takes me seriously, but he can't always be available. I lost it with that reply. Because I constantly talk about fearing I am too much, and worry about brushing up against boundaries. He reassures me time after time that I am fine and don't worry about any of that. So, does he really think I expect him to ALWAYS be available?

And- anyways, if he tells me to text or email anytime, then am I wrong to expect some kind of response? So, I emailed him back and told him I don't expect him to be available always- I do however, think of he was too busy he could of said something like- If it's that bad, to to ER. I haven't heard from him since. And being mature, and responsible I don't expect a response this weekend because his son graduates today and he has family on for it.

Soooo- tell me, is it an irrational expectation for my t respond to a text when he tells me I can always text him?

I mean if I was just sharing my thoughts I would have emailed him and I don't expect a response from those. But and text message is different.

Really considering going off the deep end on a drug binge but that would be dumb and counter productive but this is what the child part does

Stay strong!! Its just a temporary setback! You can study more a d retake it. For all you know the stuff you missed was the stuff that requires the manual. You might not be far away at all from a passing score. If you go off the deep end you will lose your chance completely

it doesnt even tell me the score i got. it just says


FAIL

****ing failure.

Well guys I failed my exam

Fml

And the thing is I rarely text him.. I save it truly for the times when I need a little help grounding myself.

He just responded to my email saying we will talk more about it on Friday. So, I get to wait a whole 7 days to stew more about it. I think I will wait until Monday when all of his family is gone and he is back to work and tell him that we won't talk about it because I am done. I have enough relationship trouble in my life- I really don't need to have one in my life that I pay to have so much drama around.

im going to call them as soon as i collect my courage

Healed, I'm sorry your T didn't respond--with that sort of text, he should have at least said something briefly once he read it, even if he was busy. It's not like you were just saying, "hey, how's it going?" or something.

With me, MC has told me that it's OK to text or e-mail, but he can't guarantee he'll be able to read or respond to it right away. With your T saying it's OK to text him, I'm wondering if he said anything about responding. Like did he say, "You can text me if you're in crisis, and I'll respond"? If not, then he may tell you that he didn't say he'd respond to your texts (seems like a typical T thing to say...). Even though in a situation like this, it's clear that he should have.

What I've found is that I sometimes have to be the squeaky wheel. Like if I don't get a response to an e-mail or text in what seems to be a reasonable amount of time and I'm still in pain (or worried T or MC is mad at me), I'll send something else. Maybe a brief text like, "Sorry to bother you again, but I'm still really struggling." That puts me back on their radar. I've also found asking specifically for what I want can help, like, "Can you just tell me everything is OK?" (when I was worried MC was mad at me because of some kinda harsh texts I'd sent a couple days earlier) or "Could you just give me a few words of encouragement?" if I was stressed or upset about something.

I think you should definitely talk to your T about this at your next session. Don't give up on him until you've at least had one, maybe more than one, talk about this. He's been a pretty good T overall, so see how he responds to this once your'e sitting in his office--he may have been reluctant to say more over e-mail for fear you'd misinterpret tone or something--not saying that's an excuse for not responding to your most recent e-mail.

I will PREVAIL. I've survived so much crap thus far. 30 years worth of bags of **** constantly hitting me in the face. I can get past it. I've been through WAY WORSE THINGS

Hey jfk jr had to retake the bar exam 3 times, youre in good company. Of course tho hes dead now.

My T is dead

Where for art thou..... t

When is he back from vacation?

He is not! Hes on vacation.

But is it a good relationship in general? im concerned about you ending it because of text. I cant really text with my t, things get confused and i get hurt - i have to give him a LOT of leeway in text in exchange for very little emergency contact. He simply isnt present in text the way he is in session.

How is your toe today?

Yay.. I mean we have a good relationship in general. Idk- I understand it started over a text but I feel like it speaks to a bigger issue. I am not a fan of him shutting it down the way he did either, though I understand why he did.

Healed, I'm sorry your T didn't respond--with that sort of text, he should have at least said something briefly once he read it, even if he was busy. It's not like you were just saying, "hey, how's it going?" or something.

With me, MC has told me that it's OK to text or e-mail, but he can't guarantee he'll be able to read or respond to it right away. With your T saying it's OK to text him, I'm wondering if he said anything about responding. Like did he say, "You can text me if you're in crisis, and I'll respond"? If not, then he may tell you that he didn't say he'd respond to your texts (seems like a typical T thing to say...). Even though in a situation like this, it's clear that he should have.

What I've found is that I sometimes have to be the squeaky wheel. Like if I don't get a response to an e-mail or text in what seems to be a reasonable amount of time and I'm still in pain (or worried T or MC is mad at me), I'll send something else. Maybe a brief text like, "Sorry to bother you again, but I'm still really struggling." That puts me back on their radar. I've also found asking specifically for what I want can help, like, "Can you just tell me everything is OK?" (when I was worried MC was mad at me because of some kinda harsh texts I'd sent a couple days earlier) or "Could you just give me a few words of encouragement?" if I was stressed or upset about something.

I think you should definitely talk to your T about this at your next session. Don't give up on him until you've at least had one, maybe more than one, talk about this. He's been a pretty good T overall, so see how he responds to this once your'e sitting in his office--he may have been reluctant to say more over e-mail for fear you'd misinterpret tone or something--not saying that's an excuse for not responding to your most recent e-mail.

ETA: Oops, just saw your latest post that he did respond to your e-mail. I'd still talk to him in session Friday. Give him a chance to explain. I've been tempted to leave both T and MC at times due to misunderstandings/ruptures, and was glad we worked it out in each case. It ultimately made the relationship stronger.

I dont understand the bolded part. I felt you were reading stuff into what he was saying in your OP, and maybe here too? They are not usually as subtle as we think they are, i find my t to be more dense than i expect.