Couch 144: The contact-miked cactus couch

What does a hissy fit at a therapist look like? I am just wondering if I've had one or not. Things get heated, but I don't know what being hissy with her would entail.

For me yesterday: throwing my papers down (dreams I had typed up), saying I wanted to throw my pen at her, stating loudly "grrr I am so frustrated!" And of course, tears. Acting exactly opposite the way I felt when I got there!!

What I figured out as far as why: i think that part of me never expected this to be a reality. And now it is. And that part of me really had a hard time looking her in the eye and admitting that I haven't let it hit me just yet.

Even though the rest of me is happy and excited about it..... She said "you're growing." I wanted to say no I'm not I'm being a brat. But I didn't. I just be'd one.

Not since childhood.

It's nice to see that I'm not the only one who's thrown a hissy fit in therapy recently. Sounds really similar to the end of my session last week, Art.

Hey, art - I think you would have had to yell or actually throw the pen at her for it to qualify as anything more than frustration or snappishness.

Unless you looked like the emoji? All blue and stuff?

I always thought the hissy had to do with cats, but no, Google says it's probably short for hysterical.

Eta: I guess I might have had a hissy fit in the final session with DBC, given that I slammed my hand down on her couch in frustration so hard that the stuffed frog in my hand flew out of it and across the room at her. Meh - given a couple more things I learned about DBC from 3 this week that confirm my low opinion of DBC, I kind of wish it had hit her instead of landing at her feet.

My friend calls them hobo-fits. Not sure why? Anyway I'm pretty sure I throw hissy-fits multiple times per week, frustrated yelling and tossing stuff and slamming cabinets and drawers. I'm so adult!

If we added sarcasm to the definition of hissy fit and especially, sarcasm aimed at therapists, I'm sure I'll beat everyone hands down.

Thanks, Art and everyone else for examples. I think I have you beat, but don't want to presume (or list my own examples, which are many, varied and require hand splints).

I continued it on down her road as I drove away, yelling as loud as I could "Why am i always wrong! nobody ever thinks I am right about anything! I hate this! you suck!" I cried some more. And I cried some more today on the way home because of how I acted. I want a do-over!! haha

I did rather resemble the emoji with the flailing hands. I felt like I should have been all blue and stuff! ha

I'm sure she took it in stride though just like she appeared to. I doubt I'm the first client who's acted out instead of just saying how I was feeling. I was trying to be brave about it and ended up just acting like a child.

What I SHOULD have said? I should have said - "Ahem, I have not been to school to learn how to do this termination thing. Please tell me how this is supposed to go because I don't know."

I mean hell, she's disagreed with me about dreams before, big deal. So I know that wasn't what got me upset. It was just easier to act out than to say how I was feeling about her statement that she'd started grieving the loss of 'us', I guess.

She said something like "why not just let it unfold?" I wish I'd said well because I'm not a piece of paper, duh.

But try it her way I will. I am not going to spend so much time thinking about it (after today that is, I have a story to start writing after all!!)
And when I go in next time, I will not bring any dreams or writings or anything at all and will look at her and say "ok, so how do we do this unfolding thing?"

And now, it is time to go retrieve the wine waiting in my fridge.

Sometimes I think the therapists have not learned how to do the termination thing in school either.

My mother has just given me a fascinating rundown of all the telemarketing calls and phone scams she gets. You know, all this talking at me is like her strategy not to have a real conversation with me. (And if I try that and it's about my personal life, she freezes up.)

I tend to have my therapy hissyfits over e-mail (both T and MC)...or voicemail once in the case of MC, where I was like, "You made me feel like s***, followed by going on for a couple minutes about why.

Maybe they don't. Who knows. I still want a do-over of last night. I so got on the defensive it felt like everything I said was wrong. at least as I was trying to leave she called me back and said wait I think we need a hug. so i know we're okay and that's the only reason i haven't called her today even though I really want to.

so anyone who has gone through an actual termination process with a beloved t, one that wasn't forced by a retirement or a move or something but one that came about naturally between you both? any pointers?

I feel like I'm missing out in the hissy fit at T experience. Perhaps this will come when I learn what anger/irritation feels like?

I seem to feel nothing but anger / irritation (in and out of therapy).

I'd be happy to give it all away for free!

working on a poem for t. anybody wanna preview what I have so far in a pm? lemme know.

I'm sure Duchess Malificent would approve. She's always giddy when I mention possibly feeling what might be a slight annoyance. Apparently that's a milestone in the right direction.

right? my t one time was overly insistent in a giddy kind of way that I was mad at her when I wasn't at all - it was like she wanted me to be!! seemed so odd at the time.

And, I think my current T would very much like a client with fewer anger issues.

After crying and generally getting defensive at me when I get angry, she's taken to getting angry right back, followed by sarcasm, followed by statements about how I'm "being slippery" and "in a glass house" and "won't let her hold me" (metaphorically, thankfully).

I mostly just stare at her dumbly before switching back to the next chapter of my anger non-management program.

All that bodes well.

Even DBC could handle most of my sarcasm and anger without hitting back in kind.

"anger non-management program" i'm sorry but that made me giggle.

of course, i'm almost done with a rather large glass of wine.

i actually finished the poem to t and i'm not bawling. interesting.

I know.

I guess the seeming saving grace is that she at least quickly catches herself once I tone down my anger and doesn't continue to hold a grudge past the moment (unlike former T). But, yeah, if I don't get a hold of myself, it's a free fall all around.

YAY!! I've missed you on the Couch.
Yes! This just happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I actually woke up twice and forced my dead out of sleep limbs to stumble to the kitchen to eat ice cream bc my jaw was so sore and to avoid going back into the nightmares...but i still did. It was totally freaky. My T attributed to anxiety.
I don't think so. Was your text just like "I had a sh!tty night with H, and am feeling X," or was it more "distressing?" I know that is a weird question, but I wonder if he thought you were just letting him know that you had a very rough night. I still think he should have texted back. I only use text with my T if I need a quick response, usually to calm me down. I am pretty sure she's always replied, but I also think you do generally have a good relationship with your T, and I know you've been in a bad place lately, and maybe that is skewing the severity of this miscommunication issue?
I definitely think you need to go in there and talk to your T about all of this, to at least see where he is coming from. If you leave that session feeling worse, or like it is something that won't be resolvable, maybe you can think about quitting? I just don't want you to quit therapy when you are feeling so bad

All I can picture is a stamp in red ink on a plain piece of copy paper that says "FAIL." Is that seriously all it is?! That is ridiculous in so many ways.
YAH. YOU GO GIRL. Please don't let your child self win and go on a drug binge ;(
oohh! how exciting! just an intro class?
RED FLAG ALERT. Uhhhhh...no T should be gettng angry right back, and throwing sarcasm at you! I am constantly sarcastic at my T, and have snapped at her a few times (though I immediately apologize bc i realize i am acting out), and she knows all about my anger issues...and she takes it in stride. Internally she probably is gleeful because I am emoting instead of shoving it away, though anger is easily felt by me. Its just the other emotions that are not.

SOOOOOO...anyone knowledgable about this sort of thing, please help me not freak out completely. (I already cried-texted my T earlier today, ha)

I got back the bloodwork results from my doctor's office today. My cholesterol was high (which it has been in the past, but had gone down), and my blood sugars were elevated, and this was combined with my blood pressure being high at the actual appointment. I did say that I saw my urologist the day before and it was normal (a tad high, but normal-ish)
ANWAY, the nurse wants me to go back in to do another blood draw so they can screen for pre-diabetes. I heard the word diabetes and freaked the eff out.
I am pretty sure this is all because I quit roller derby in January, and basically have exercised zero since then, and mostly subsist on a diet of peanut butter and chocolate. But STILL, food and diet has always been a thing I struggle with, and I don't feel like I have been SO off the rails, considering I've seen this doctor for like 13 years or something and this is the first this has ever happened.

Anyway. I feel really awful about it all. It only makes me want to hate myself more, and I am trying to avoiding SH over it. I also want to never eat again.