[FloweringHope]

My T rang and apologised to me.....I went back and he again said sorry.......

So is it still ok to go back after he apologised for sleeping with me - he said it wont happen again and he personally wanted to fix the damage he feels his actions may have caused me!??????

<font color="blue"> </font>

Er... I'm sure he personally wants to ensure that you not report him to the lisencing authorities.

IMHO... Steer clear of him.

[FloweringHope]

He operates his own private practice with 6 other psychiatrists - he said if I liked, he would have another professional in with us in some sessions if I felt more comfortable - the same T he is currently seeing.

I can see your point, just confused now!!!

<font color="blue"> </font>

I am sure that the psychiatrists who practice with him are similarly keen to get this sorted out without their being a complaint lodged against one of the psychiatrists in their practice.

If I were you... I would find someone else to work with. Preferably female. If someone has done this once then it is likely that they have done it before. There is no excuse, basically, and IMHO someone who has done this once should not be allowed to practice again.

[ECHOES]

The best way to make sure it doesn't happen again is to stay clear of him.

I would not want to go to him or anyone in his group because I wouldn't be able to have the level of trust needed for therapy.

Take care of you by not putting yourself back into that environment. Accept his apology if you want, then take charge of you and your therapy by finding another therapist who can help you with what you experienced with this therapist. I don't think another member of the group could do that for you and I wonder how you would feel about going to the same office and possibly seeing him as you work through what happened to you. He is not the person to fix the damage, he is the person who caused the damage and you need someone not involved in any way to talk to about it so you can talk freely and heal.

I agree with alex that while his apology is .. nice.. he is most likely really concerned with his own agenda.

Apologies are nice.. and sometimes they are another way of manipulating.

[FloweringHope]

wow - what you both have said is straight to the point - pearls of wisdom!

I feel guilty and to blame, more so since he said sorry! Yes, if he did the harm, how could he heal - mmmmmmm.....got me thinking - and he may have his own agenda....

Who can work me out!

<font color="blue"> </font>

[Pita]

YOU have done nothing to feel guilty about or to blame yourself about. It is your T who IS guilty and who IS to blame and who should feel ashamed and I agree with Alex and Echoes - he is just CYA'ing and trying to sweep under the rug his totally unethical behavior in the hope that you do not report him to the licensing authorities. He took advantage of a patient's vulnerablities and preyed on you - he is a predator. Please get a new T - far, far away from him and his "group."

[ECHOES]

SleepingSacredRose, you said: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I feel guilty and to blame, more so since he said sorry!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

So I will repeat from my other reply : Apologies are nice... and sometimes they are manipulative.

An apology is not an eraser, it's an admission of wrong-doing and regret.

I think his apology served him exactly the way he wanted it to; you resonded as he hoped. He was attempting to turn the focus from him so he could feel better.

This is really important and complex and I hope you find a therapist to help you through the layers of it. There is so much to explore and learn about.

hugs to you at this confusing time

[FloweringHope]

It amazes me how you all are so wise - I just haven't thought of it from these view points......thank you!

He sent me a text 10 mins ago, to which I have not replied - it did say: "lunch tomorrow, water side bay......four us there....come and relax with us...."

Since I went back, feel addicted again, like I owe him something...feel I need to protect him.....it's like a powerful drug....I know that you all speak the truth, finding it hard to break through this......!!!!!!

Thank you all!!!!!!

[ECHOES]

Oh gosh, in my opinion: He is luring you back.

Don't take the bait.

The cozy intimate-sounding-lunch text should be forwarded to whomever oversees or does licensing. Then delete it so that you don't have to consider replying.

Sometimes desire is confusing, and clouds judgement. Could that be his motive?

It is easy to go to open arms. It is very normal and okay to want that! But, as he did not have to act on his desires and impulses, neither do you. You can have the feelings you're having and not act on them.

Don't connect yourself with him by replying to the text. It will muddy and confuse things further for you.

It might help you--ground you-- to go back and read some of your earlier posts where you talked about the pain you were feeling about what happened.

((( SleepingSacredRose )))

[smiley1984]

if he was really sorry and wanted a purely professional relationship from now on, why is he asking you out socially???
he is a *&%*$#& and is only interested in himself and his reputation - sounds like a narcissist.
He should check his DSM-IV book because he sounds like he fits the criteria:
- has a grandiose sense of self-importance
- is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- equires excessive admiration
- strong sense of entitlement
- takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
- lacks empathy
- believes others are envious of him
- arrogant affect.

just my opinion. you should stay away from this manipulative bastard

I really hope you don't go back for your own safety and health.

Please understand that he is being unethical, even in his apology.

He has apologized and asked you out to lunch-- it doesn't matter if it's the most innocent lunch in the world. Ts are not supposed to be seeing their patients outside of therapy!

If I remember correctly, weren't you seeing another T? Could this person help get you through this?

That's inappropriate of him. Stay away from him. Once a therapist knows they crossed boundaries to that extent they are ethically supposed to discontinue therapy immediately.

[Perna]

I would go to another therapist and immediately tell them what has happened. It sounds to me like he is being manipulative to the point of not caring about you but only wanting you not to report him/the practice (hence the 3 other "henchmen" with him). Go to another professional and get help with what steps to take; the whole practice sounds rotten. It sounds like the others know and are closing ranks rather than throwing him out. Don't just "go away" (which would be fine with him too).

"Sorry" doesn't cut it! It is an abuse potentially as bad as a rape!

[pachyderm]

I agree with the others who have responded here. I would not go back or see him in any way. Nor his co-therapists. Try elsewhere. It is not your job to "help" them in their neediness, if that's what it is.

Since I have been through this .....I think an apology is unacceptable because his behavior is unacceptable. I accepted the apology allowed the man to try to fix his mistakes and it only made my condition worse. As soon as I reported the jerk, I started to improve.

The man betrayed your trust. He molested you. How can he possibly repair the damage? At minimum stay away, and if it's right for you....report him.

Would you allow a rapist to heal you?

[FloweringHope]

Very blunt - and to the point!!!!! Thank you!!!

I'm seeing a NLP T for the overeating, to which I've lost 7.3 kgs - have not mentioned this current situation to this T. This T, I think, is not a psychotherapist, I think a life coach???

I have to be completely honest, my other two friends (have mentioned about before, whom are both living with their T's), are dating two from HIS practice...........I dearly don't want to lose their friendship, they too were going to be at the lunch and Tom, The other T with his girlfriend............I guess they were all thinking, "one happy group".

My friends, Kerry Anne and Jane (ones in relationship with their T), phoned last night and don't see my concerns or the 'big deal' it seems to be to me - they see it as normal!

Logically, I guess he wants to continue this relationship and they are using my friends to make me feel guilty! I need to somehow stay away from my friends, but I feel I need them, I do deeply care and love them.....

Thanks, I will re-read how I felt before to remind me!

SSR

<font color="blue"> </font>

wow... actually, more like HOLY CRAP!

ask your "friends" to try doing a google search for client therapist relationship violations, sexual conduct, etc. ask them to call up the local licensing authority and just inquire as to what the laws are... and maybe wonder why they are that way.

you need to not be doing this alone, and honestly these friends are not going to be supportive... i mean, face it, if they support you then they are pointing the finger at the guys they are with too... so don't hope for that. Find a woman's help group or support centre.

Make even *one* appt with a T outside of that practice, don't name names, just ask them what they think. It would be of no risk to you to do that, right? i mean, we're just a bunch of people online... maybe a RL person who has the expertise would be able to help you put it in perspective?

it's good to read and re-read how you felt before. tack it to your fridge. Do some searching on your own and see what you find. Keep your focus on you.

This must be so hard. i am so sorry this happened to you. i hope you can find the courage to take care of yourself. i can't promise you that walking away will be easy or will fix everything, but i will tell you that continuing this will bring you more of what you felt before... more power games and manipulation.

[FloweringHope]

The sad thing about the two friends, they are highly paid 'gold' international escorts - for highly paid professionals......so I don't know if they're necessarily in it because of being 'in love with their T' or that their T highly pays them.....freewill just opened my eyes to this!!!

The both are doing PhD's with me - well, I just changed universities...so, I guess they figure, it pays more to be a 'golden international escort' - mind you, they actually went to Therapy to get out of this, and now they are with their T.....so figure, this system sucks..............I hate it!

I think the question you need to ask yourself is how many others has he done this to ? By the way I wouldnt ask him that question.....

Also to me it sounds like he would like the relationship to continue ie he palms you off onto one of the other T in his practice and then he can continue the relationship with you ! Then if you want to make a claim againts him you cant as he will say you are an angry ex and the relationship didnt start untill AFTER you stopped seeing him as a T ........... Very clever move on his part.

[FloweringHope]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Tishie said:
I think the question you need to ask yourself is how many others has he done this to ? By the way I wouldnt ask him that question.....

Also to me it sounds like he would like the relationship to continue ie he palms you off onto one of the other T in his practice and then he can continue the relationship with you ! Then if you want to make a claim againts him you cant as he will say you are an angry ex and the relationship didnt start untill AFTER you stopped seeing him as a T ........... Very clever move on his part.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

OMG - how true is that!!!!!!

Starting to see that he most definitely wants to continue the relationship...interestingly, he just fired one of the receptionists....she gave me a call and asked me to have coffee with her....she said there is something she wants to discuss....now I'm rather nervous! <font color="green"> </font>

I suggest you go for that coffee as quickly as possible. But I can almost guess what she will say. Wanna bet that she will tell you that you are not the first....that there has been others. This therapist should be reported for violating the most basic of ethical principles.

[WinterRose]

SleepingSacredRose - Be careful with this guy. I don't trust him. I'm not important, but I'd feel better if you were safe. It worries me a lot that he is approaching you again and wanting to start something. Please, please, please be careful. I'd feel even better if this guy had his license revoked. I think coffee is a good idea too.

[dalila]

<font color="green"> Dear SSRose,
I am actually feeling scared just thinking about your situation. I can't imagine what you are feeling the more I read the more I feel this man is out to hurt you. Please talk to someone in authority in your area as soon as possible. I would be so scared to go to that 'date' please please keep yourself safe.</font>

[FloweringHope]

Been away since I received the call from the receptionist - I feel scared......it's playing on me......feel lost in a hole, don't know what's going on!

Part of me knows what she will say - I will accept her invitation for a coffee.....I wonder, does she know that I slept with him......? I guess that's what stop me from replying quickly...

So many bad dreams.....do these mean anything, or just my fears coming to the forefront!

I feel uneasy about him, more than ever, like a gut feeling.....

thanks for you help and insight, I APPEAR TO BE BLIND! <font color="blue"> </font>