The Couch 146 : The Untouchable, Nontotient, Octahedral, Composite Couch.

I started w t in November 2011

YES! New everyone-text-their-T challenge? "Sorry T, I'm replacing you with a therapy sword. Nice knowing you!"

seeeeeee yuhhhhhhh

November is probably the beginning of SAD season then.

In light of our very recent fight I shall refrain from this one.... She might fail to see the humor and have a heart attack.... !

Looks like I started with T in August 2011
And I think the first time we saw MC was in April 2013, but we took some breaks of assorted lengths in there. (that took more e-mail and calendar research than I was expecting)

((Runcible))

LT you know what I want? I want your husband to be up front and actually SAY to you "I feel (fill in the blanks) when you say sorry all the time, I'd rather you ask me then say thanks." That way you aren't compelled to apologize and you aren't reading his mind waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Maybe he could tell you his reactions to your actions instead of seeming angry.

Maybe MC could recognize that both you and your husband could make changes. He could stop making you feel left out of the man-club and implying that you are the only party at fault.

Those are only my thoughts after hearing your story, not meant to offend.

For the first time in nearly 3 years I have paid my car rego on time.. Usually I drive illegally for up to 6 weeks before I can afford to pay.

I told ex-T (with whom I am trying to be friends but who I'm slowly learning may actually be a narcissist...) that I need a no-contact break
ideally, this will stop being the hardest thing in my life ever and start being a stress-reducer

Thanks, Stressed. It would be helpful if he could explain why he's so bothered by my apologizing or my other reactions. I think he's just not that in touch with his feelings, so it's hard for him to explain why--he just knows he finds it annoying. Like, OK, I should stop saying it so much, but he could also tolerate it a bit more. And I'm saying it for a reason--yeah, I shouldn't be so insecure, I shouldn't be so anxious, I shouldn't worry about him being mad at me. But I am. And I feel like I need for him to understand and accept that and for him to try to accommodate me a bit. I really think I'll apologize less if he accepts it more, if that makes sense. Like if a kid keeps acting out to get attention, if you give the kid more attention in general, they're likely to act out less. So maybe I need, like preemptive reassurance? Or something like that.

Hm...maybe also his being annoyed at my apology feels like a rejection...especially because I do usually genuinely mean it. Like, I'm not just saying it.

Tonight, since he came in the house 10 minutes ago, I have twice said, "I'm sorry about x...oh wait, no, I'm not sorry." In an attempt to not say it so much. (Like that's not more annoying!)

No offense taken! I did have the talk with MC about feeling like he thinks I'm the one with all the issues who has to change. He said it's not that he thinks I'm the screwed up one--I'm just more open to talking about things like my family of origin and various issues (anxiety, etc.) I have more than H. So we end up addressing my stuff more, just because there's more to discuss. It does feel sometimes like MC wants to "fix me" in a sense (and the fact that I go to him for support at times probably just reinforces that...). From stuff he's said, he's dealt with many of the same issues as me (anxiety, emotionally absent father, etc.). So maybe it's easier for him to suggest how I can deal with those issues, because he's had to learn to deal with the same things.

I'm thinking next session we need to talk about some of these issues, like my apologizing and H's reaction, with H saying he'll do a favor but acting annoyed about it, etc. And talk about how we BOTH can take steps to improve communication and our relationship. If MC starts going down the "Well, LT, here's ways you can handle that," I'll just put a stop to it.

I'll stop rambling now!

That reminds me, I have to take mine in for emissions testing in the next 10 days or they'll suspend my registration...stupid procrastination.

How do you know she can't handle your anger?
I don't think that will really help, because our logical minds go out the window if we are feeling emotional in the first place, and i doubt anyone would run through a list of "Okay, she is saying/doing X here...rigghttt...I need to do Y" and then do it.
Good for you for going to T's and not buying drugs <3
ATAT always says things better than I do. I had a friend in HS who apologized over e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. My mom would miss her turn into the driveway when she drove her home, and this friend would apologize profusely. It got so bad that we eventually banned her from saying "I'm sorry." haha.

From all that i've read about your interactions with you and your H, is that you want him to want to help you in some way; reassure you that its okay, know what to do when you are panicking, want to be able to take D so you can have time to work...etc...etc.

You can't make anyone "want" to do anything, and I think ATAT said it perfectly that it might be something you need to accept, or decide if you can accept from him. That it might have to be enough to take out the anxious apologizing, and say "Hey, I have a shite ton of work to do tonight, do you mind taking D to swimming." If he says yes, even if it seems like he is all huffy about it, just say "Thank you, I appreciate it." Sometimes when I am asked to do stuff at work that is out of my normal routine, but still within my job description, I act all huffy, when really, it takes me a minute to adjust to the change, and it is fine.

Maybe he is similar that way?

That being said...i call BS on his childhood and his mom's anxiety/his parents divorce had no affect on him. He does seem to react snappily at you pretty easily. Marriage is a two way street, and if he isn't willing to look at himself and his reactions. that is on him, and not on you.

I guess you have to figure out what you can live with, and just accept some of it, but also realize if H doesn't act like he's still pissed off about the cheating, try to believe him. Just because you don't make as much money doesn't mean you are less than.

Okay...I will stop rambling now!

september 2010

Hey me too!

I better respectfully decline to answer this question other than generalities. Because of some things she said yesterday.

This town has a high number of sex shops and i am parked in the back car park of one. It is interesting some people walk on in others wander up and down a bit while others walk around the block look at my car fiddle with their car keys and sort of siddle in its hilarious

People watching can be quite entertaining sometimes!

I am so struggling not to email t right now. I am wanting to apologize for how I made her feel last week. I already did once, so if I do again, that's just me taking the whole thing on myself again isn't it, when she already owned her part in last week's mess. So I need to not email. I've already started typing it twice.

I think I need a session with Bob Newhart....

Art step away from the send button! It might make you feel better to type it out and not send it, maybe in word instead of an email which might have a tricksy slippery send button.

good idea. to word i go. damn that tricksy slippery send button...!

See why I'm thinking this way is - I had a really awful call at work today, this man just started SCREAMING at me that I was NOT to call him "Mister Anything" but that I was to address him as "SIR" and this began immediately upon me saying my greeting "Good morning, my name is Art, may I have your first and last name please?" (our standard greeting). I sucked it up at first and apologized and asked again for his full name so I could bring up his account. To which he yelled at me some more but then stated his name. I apologized and asked him to please bear with me and allow me to address him as Mister LastName one time because I was required to. He really lit into me then and I began to cry. Even though I tried to hide it he could tell I was crying so he yelled at me for crying. Anyway, I wasn't crying because he yelled at me. I was crying because it made me think of how t must have felt last week, because she said she felt attacked, and I felt attacked by him, and yeah. So because of that I feel this need to apologize to her again. I just poured a glass of wine and opened a word doc and I'm going to poem instead.

Calls like that make me want to hang up, log out, and go home. (((Art)))

i need bed.

trigger for stopdog