Out of session contact

I see a lot of people on here have out of session contact with their T and I'm wondering what this looks like. Do you just write what you have been feeling/thinking of? Do you write about your week or ask questions? I've often thought about contacting my T between long breaks but haven't ever done so. We had a few breaks over the past few months which I've found quite difficult. The last one was a three week break where I really wanted to reach out but didn't. I know they allow sending an email but won't respond in detail because they feel messages can get lost in translation in writing. I'm fine with not getting a lengthy response but I just couldn't pluck up the courage to send one in the first place. I think not being sure what I would say or feeling needy always stops me.

To my ex therapist I wrote whenever I felt a need to write and wrote what ever was on my mind at the moment. All the above you ask about I wrote about. The first night I wrote six emails. She responded on average 2/3 of the time. Many times we had a dialogue going, similar to the this forum. We DID therapy through email: long ones, short ones, angry ones, just because ones, I wuv woo ones... I do not believe, nor did my therapist believe that much gets lost in translation. I sent over a thousand and I believe it helped speed up our terminating by 6-12 months.

I have a standby therapist and try to see her when I'm in the states to help me with aging parents' stuff, and I email her and my ex therapist for the same reasons, but more positive stuff, because that is what my life is like now, and definitely less often, because their support is not needed.They always respond and are happy to hear from me.

I think it is important that a therapist allow emails, but state up front the possibility of not reading and/or responding. Emails are not for emergencies.

Ya. I guess since she allows them I would like to pluck up the courage to write one when I find the need arises...Would only do it on occasion when I felt the need to I guess but not even sure how I would start it though. Don't have any long breaks coming up for another while but I do find the time between the week sometimes that bit too long.

Did you found once you started you wanted to email more and more? I'd be worried once I started it would open a flood gate of wanting more contact...Has that happened anyone?

i initially emailed because i was embarrassed to tell him something in person, he replied within the hour and was very kind about it

we discussed it next session and he encouraged me to email because i have this fear i am bothering people, so he kinda pushed it, i never did it more than 1x a week but he always replied and always assured me i was not a bother

i mostly would just mention a topic i wanted to discuss or thoughts on the latest session. we also had some insurance issues along the way so a few were about that

i still am allowed/encouraged to email, and i do but not as often. no more than 1x a week still but some weeks i do 0 now

What it looks like for me, is a bunch of nonsense. But it's generally all of the things that I should be talking about in therapy. Things that are weighing me down, upsetting me.. All of that nasty business. I generally cannot open up in session, and we pretty much reply on the things I say in email. But it's not always that way. I have emailed a few times to just say hey and 'check in'.. In other words, make sure she is still there.

I'd say go for it if your T is cool with it. It can be a really good thing. Maybe discuss what to expect from emailing also, as some therapists may not reply, which can catch you off guard a bit..

I can email and do at times. Sometimes more than other times. I am now back to weekly or every other week. We'll see if I make it this week without emailing her. She says I can email her anytime for any reason. She will not purposely not respond or withhold a response. However, she does not monitor her email consistently so it could be hours/days before a reply depending on the day/time I email her.

Sometimes the emails are ... hmmm reasonable, logical, make sense... umm rarely are they business stuff anymore like scheduling. My last one was fairly nonsensical ... really
Here it is:
I also journal to her and hand over about 90% of what write. These can be simply just a summary of my day, to deep thoughts and realizations, to random thoughts and things that catch my attention, to unfiltered stream of consciousness writings. Lots are things I can't verbalize to her in her presence. She reads them between sessions.

I do find that it becomes a "habit" for me and I have to go through "withdrawal" when I cut back. She doesn't say anything about me cutting back; however, when there is a long delay from when I send and her responding, I take it personally and think I have been emailing too much and cut myself back. I have had several transitional things in my life since starting to see T and during those times I email more frequently just for support.

Thanks for all the replies. Another question I have is how do you address your T in your emails. Do you just say 'Hi'..., 'Hi P.....' refer to them as 'Dr. .....' (If they are?) or even say hi at all???.. these are the crazy questions that go through my head when I think of emailing

I still have that problem with other people, but I use just my therapist's first name, rarely do I say Hi. She uses my first name as her heading also.

I use Hi Firstname in emails. She does the same to me.

Would you call them by their first name if they were a Dr.? It somehow wouldn't feel right for me to use their first name....somehow I find it disrespectful seeing as they use Dr. themselves if ever calling/emailing me for schedule changes... but I also find using it makes me feel somewhat disconnected from them when I do use it.

If I was not on a first name bases with them in session, I personally would not. That includes if I avoid calling them anything in session. I come from a background that required last names and titles, and it has been hard to break away from. With my standby therapist I started with her tittle in first 7 emails, then switched to her first name. If these are personal poor your heart-out emails then I would use what clicks for me in my head as I'm writing it. So go for what makes you feel connected.

Are they a psychiatrist (MD) or a psychologist (PhD/PsyD)? In my experience, psychiatrists often (always?) go by Dr. Lastname. With psychologists, it varies. I would probably go with Dr. Lastname if that's how they refer to themselves, but you could always ask.

Most the time I address the letters/emails. The example here I did not. When I don't it's another clue as to where I am mentally and emotionally.

Lots of times it is Hi/Dear/good morning/afternoon.... Dr. lastname. I refer to her as Dr. LastName because she is a psychiatrist (DO). I believe she is open to going by either Dr. LastName or first name/preferred name. I know that with the clinical staff at the old location she went by a common abbreviation of her first name. I use the Dr. because it creates a level of separation and reminder that we are doc/patient and not something else. I have not actually asked her if she would mind or has a preference. She might prefer to remain Dr. LastName. I do from time to time think about her in first name and have in session referred to her as first name. Those times are always when I am speaking to the person behind the role and usually when I am afraid that I might have hurt her feelings... afraid something has affected her personally.

She is a psychiatrist so yes think she would prefer to keep the Dr. Also makes sense that if they do use that title it's good to keep using it as it helps remind us that's what they are and what exactly the relationship is about.

T and i would text very frequently for 6 years. i would text him for support and we would also just text as friends, like very casual conversations not related to my therapy

last year T changed the boundaries with texting because he felt it was too confusing for me. i told him i think he played a part in the dynamic that developed with my dependency on his responses to my texts.

overall i am happier with the very limited texting we do. i know i cry and whine about it on here but i notice i am way less obsessed with him, checking my phone, getting distressed because he hasnt responded, etc. i mean it would literally ruin my whole day if i sent a text that went ignored.

feeling ignored is a HUGE trigger for me

I email my T more frequently than I should probably. I email him when I'm crying and I can't stop because it seems to help calm me down. I've also emailed him after a session if I feel something else needs to be said. By his own admission, he's not very good with email though, and even knowing that, I still get my feelings hurt when he doesn't respond. He promised to respond if I ask for something specific and he does. Recently I sent him an email that basically said I'm having a rough day today and could use a kind word from you and his response was that he cared for me and he would be there for me. When I'm feeling low, I go back and reread his response.

We've also had voice or video chat a couple of times when he's been on vacation. I'm going through some tough things lately with an abusive relationship and I think he believes I need the extra support.

When I email him I either address him by his first name (he's a PsyD) or don't use any salutation at all.