[toomanycats]

I keep trying to write this post, but then I am exhausted by trying to explain what has happened with my now-ex-therapist.

Has anyone here dealt with long-term therapy that was unethical and possibly emotionally abusive? And yet loving that person and being terrified of ever losing them.....

Basically, i'll try to explain... I was seeing a therapist 2-3 times a week for 3 years. Supposedly doing "attachment work." Our boundaries were always very blurred. I had 24/7 access to him, we had a lot of physical contact, got together outside of sessions, would use my sessions to go out to eat together sometimes, tons of personal disclosure... but also a LOT of what I'm beginning to see were mind games......such as telling me when he had a sex dream about me and about his physical response to it...or telling me when he thought his ex may have had another baby and soliciting my help in trying to track that down via internet stalking... but then randomly deciding to slam down boundaries that made no sense like "I'm not going to tell you what the job I'm interviewing for is."

2 months ago, he told me he *may* be moving away for a new job.
a month later, it was official, he was definitely taking the job.
Then he was diagnosed with cancer.

We're trying to maintain a friendship, but right now, he's decided to completely ignore me -- pretty much feel like I'm being punished -- he's trying to punish me by ignoring me.

I'm. a freaking. mess.

It's so much more complicated than I can even explain here... but I'm just so lost. This person means more to me than anyone in the world -- he was my world -- I am typically willing to put up with any and everything as long as I get to keep him in my life, but now... I'm realizing maybe that's not the best idea... except I have NO idea how to detach from him... the idea of him not in my life is equivalent to the idea of dying for me.

Just.
I don't know what to do.
I'm coming to this realization that I may have just spent the last 3 years of my life paying over $30,000 out of pocket to just be hurt... I don't know what my role in it is...how much blame is mine. I don't know if it matters -- but it matters to me.

I'm seeing a new therapist now, but I'm struggling just to get through each day right now.

Also, I honestly want to just blatantly post his name here in case anyone else is seeing him, but just...ugh

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's not your fault--the blame rests entirely on your therapist. It's their job to hold the boundaries and behave in an ethical manner. There have been others on this board who have dealt with similar issues, so they can give you more advice.

Have you told your current T about it?

Also, I wouldn't publish his name, because this is a public forum, so he could theoretically try to sue you for libel.

[objectclient]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

I keep trying to write this post, but then I am exhausted by trying to explain what has happened with my now-ex-therapist.

Has anyone here dealt with long-term therapy that was unethical and possibly emotionally abusive? And yet loving that person and being terrified of ever losing them.....

Basically, i'll try to explain... I was seeing a therapist 2-3 times a week for 3 years. Supposedly doing "attachment work." Our boundaries were always very blurred. I had 24/7 access to him, we had a lot of physical contact, got together outside of sessions, would use my sessions to go out to eat together sometimes, tons of personal disclosure... but also a LOT of what I'm beginning to see were mind games......such as telling me when he had a sex dream about me and about his physical response to it...or telling me when he thought his ex may have had another baby and soliciting my help in trying to track that down via internet stalking... but then randomly deciding to slam down boundaries that made no sense like "I'm not going to tell you what the job I'm interviewing for is."

2 months ago, he told me he *may* be moving away for a new job.
a month later, it was official, he was definitely taking the job.
Then he was diagnosed with cancer.

We're trying to maintain a friendship, but right now, he's decided to completely ignore me -- pretty much feel like I'm being punished -- he's trying to punish me by ignoring me.

I'm. a freaking. mess.

It's so much more complicated than I can even explain here... but I'm just so lost. This person means more to me than anyone in the world -- he was my world -- I am typically willing to put up with any and everything as long as I get to keep him in my life, but now... I'm realizing maybe that's not the best idea... except I have NO idea how to detach from him... the idea of him not in my life is equivalent to the idea of dying for me.

Just.
I don't know what to do.
I'm coming to this realization that I may have just spent the last 3 years of my life paying over $30,000 out of pocket to just be hurt... I don't know what my role in it is...how much blame is mine. I don't know if it matters -- but it matters to me.

I'm seeing a new therapist now, but I'm struggling just to get through each day right now.

Also, I honestly want to just blatantly post his name here in case anyone else is seeing him, but just...ugh

I don't know what to say...the bit about the sex dream ...just, no.

[AllHeart]

I am recently out of a 2.75 year relationship with my old t. She crossed boundaries, blurred lines, broke the ethics rules all in order to fill her own needs. We were both attached to each other. We formed an outside loving relationship (close, non-sexual friendship) also. Things were "wonderful" for the most part (though there were always push/pull and other odd behaviors from her) up until last fall when she started to change for some reason. She became somewhat emotionally abusive and then when Christmas hit, it was full on emotional abuse with most of it occurring in and around therapy. In the end, she blamed and shamed me for everything that had happened -- everything that she did. She made as if she did nothing wrong and the outside relationship never even existed. She disappeared and totally hung me out to dry, knowing full well how it would "destroy" me. And it was an added bonus for me, too, in that I paid a so-called professional therapist thousands of dollars to do this to me. So I do understand the sometimes indescribable, unbelievable pain you are in.

I'm terribly sorry this happened to you. Understand that you did not ask for this, nor is any of it your fault. It was the sole responsibility of your t to uphold healthy, emotionally safe boundaries for you from day one. He didn't do that...because he couldn't. He was incapable of putting your most basic therapy needs first. He chose to serve his own needs first (probably subconsciously). That doesn't mean he didn't care about you or didn't love you. It means he is very mentally unwell himself.

Allowing yourself to grieve properly, being validated by others, focusing on your self, not blaming yourself, giving up what you can't control will lead to acceptance which is essential to healing. I hope your new t is experienced with good, healthy boundaries and can help you to process some of this stuff safely. Also, arm yourself with knowledge on therapist abuse and emotional abuse, when you are ready. This is a good site here: TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

Just know and remember: You did not ask for this. You did nothing to deserve this. What happened to you was not fair. This is not your fault. It does get better.

It also helps to talk to someone who has been in a similar situation. So feel free to PM me with anything, anytime you like.

[growlycat]

The first thing that jumps to my mind is "what if he is lying about the cancer? What if your sympathy is keeping you from reporting him?"

I'm really sorry you are going through this.

[junkDNA]

Yes this was psychological abuse and manipulation. And totally unethical. I went through a 7 year therapy relationship that became abusive 5 years in in a sexual manner. I totally understand the confusion you feel and the conflicting thoughts and feelings. If you wanna talk privately you can PM me.. No Pressure

[toomanycats]

Thank you all for your responses. I apologize for my delay in coming back here. Every time I start to type a response, I get overwhelmed and walk away. I wrote the original post when I was in a different mindset; this is such a complicated thing for me. I don't WANT to see my former T (I'll call him S) as bad... because to see him as bad means that I should walk away...and I don't WANT to cut off all contact. Because even though I'm getting hurt, I still freaking love him. Sigh.

My current T (I call him J) definitely knows all that is going on. My sessions with J are so so different than my sessions with S ever were. I'm starting to think...maybe what I was doing with S wasn't even really therapy. J said that at one point -- that what I was doing wasn't therapy. All I know is this...

I left nearly every session with S feeling worse than I felt going in -- the having to leave him, having to go home...it HURT. Sometimes, I couldn't leave the parking lot for hours. In contrast: I now leave every session with J feeling lighter, better, typically more positive about the outlook of my life. There is no pain from having to leave J's office and go home.

My therapy with J is not about my relationship with him (J) whereas my therapy with S became almost entirely about my relationship with him (S).

Though I look forward to my next session with J, I do not obsess over it. I don't obsess over J. There is no "fantasy J" in my mind with whom I have constant discussions. I will write letters to bring with me to therapy with him, but the tone of that exercise is not filled with pain and anxiety. I obsess over S. And, I can never really tell where the "fantasy S in my mind" ends and the "real S" begins.

This is all so ridiculously complicated for me. I'm sure that, looking in, it's very simple -- S was a bad therapist for me; I've found a good one. I should be able to cut S loose and move on with my life. Except... losing S literally feels like a threat to my identity.

I wrote this last night...I've no idea if it'll make sense to anyone:

When I first met S, I had this internal "part" who was... like... one of the oldest most wholly developed parts of my life. I literally remember the day, when I was in elementary school, when this part began forming. It's the mechanism by which I used to take care of all of my own desires for comfort and protection. Literally, I named it. Him. He was like... I guess almost like an imaginary best friend... who I had into adulthood. I wrote stories, constantly, lived in these stories...in my mind or on paper. He was "my" protector, my comfort, honestly just one of the only things that kept me going in my life. I lived in my imaginary world with him. Seriously. All of the time. Things would get murky later when I discovered online chat rooms...but that's a different story.

S suggested early on that he might be the new, real, outside of my head person...to replace this imagined one. I resisted hard at first. At the time, I was deeply involved in my spirituality, and I had actually fallen into deep belief that this imaginary 'person' was real...was actually a spiritual guide. That's another story for another day. After my grandmother died, though... and my spirituality died with her... S's suggestion became reality.

The imaginary protector in my head was replaced by a real flesh-and-blood person... only, this, of course, created all kinds of problems... Namely, that the imagined protector had been able to be with me at all times, in all places, under all circumstances. I could "speak with" this imagined protector at any time. There was no fear of abandonment. There was no questioning what "he" might think of me or might do. Looking back, the obvious thing to state here is...because "he" was just a piece of me.

When I say replaced, I mean it. I can no longer call up even a shadow of that imagined protector part. When I go to that space in my mind, it is only S. But then, I guess, the S in my mind is different than the S in real life... this is something he and I spoke about before. But this is so messy. But I was just thinking... this may be one of the primary reasons why this isn't the same as just someone I really care about moving away (or having cancer). I literally feel like I'm losing a vital piece of myself... I said before... I can't find where I end and he begins; I can't find where the S in my head ends and the real S begins. Losing S feels like a threat to my identity...

[Ididitmyway]

I am sorry you have suffered this horrific abuse. Yes, abuse is the only word that describes what your "therapist" did to you.

What I know from my experience is that victims of such abuse stay confused with lots of mixed feelings for a long time. I am glad you are currently in therapy that feels like real therapy and I hope your current therapist will be able to help you process your conflicted feelings, find your own clarity about what happened and, most importantly, what you want for yourself in this situation.

You are not responsible for the abuse. The responsibility rests with the one who was supposed to fulfill his professional duties but didn't do it.

[toomanycats]

I forgot that, a week ago, I'd written out a much more thorough explanation of our relationship...........

I'll post it, but it's long... sorry if it's too much >.<

I've been seeing a therapist -- we'll call him S -- for 3 years. I saw him 2-3 times a week for 90-minute sessions. He was more than just my therapist to me -- he was my big brother, my parent, my best friend, my protector, my safety... at times, my world. The transference was very strong; I believe the countertransference was as well. He told me that he saw himself in me -- that he wanted to give me what he wished he could've had. He identified with the gaping hole I had in my life from my past and told me he wanted to "fill in that hole." Give me what I didn't get when I should've gotten it. He gave me 24/7 access to him; I had his personal number and could email, text, or call whenever -- about anything. Once, when I came to him having SI-ed in a dangerous way that flirted with disaster/ending it for good, S set up an agreement with me where I had to text him every hour on the hour to let him know I was safe from the time I woke up until I went to bed. I did this for about 3-4 days then every few hours for another few days. I often mark this as the point where my dependency on him became obsessive... I had never ever had anyone "check in on me" so much... transitioning off of this arrangement was horribly difficult...I wanted it back forever and ever.

The bulk of our work over the last 3 years has been dubbed "attachment work." We spent most of our therapy time dealing with our relationship, honestly. My intense fear of losing it -- my perceptions of him "taking away his caring," "abandoning me," "being annoyed by me," the list goes on. Our relationship was intense -- dramatic -- excruciating. It progressed slowly. We grew slowly closer -- my trust in him greater over a long period of time. I was terrified. All the time. First, he moved from his chair to an adjacent couch so we were sitting in closer proximity. Then, he moved to the couch beside me. After about 1.5 years, we hugged. At the 2.5 year mark, we were sitting, leaning on one another, his arm around me in comfort...for usually about 30-60 minutes per session...the bulk of the session now just us touching...because I craved it. He was my safety. I loved him -- not romantically (or so I believed...now, I think I can say, yes, there was romantic feeling involved as well, which I denied and denied because "if he ever tried anything, I would be devastated, so I must not have those feelings if that would be my reaction, right?") -- but like a child loves its mother.

Our relationship was not one-sided. When his aunt was diagnosed with cancer, he asked me to listen, and I did. He asked for support, and I gave it. He asked me to describe the dying process -- as I had been on my grandmother's home hospice team months before -- and I walked him through it. I listened...offered feedback...encouraged him to seek his own therapy (which he admitted he needed but never took). When he went to her funeral, he asked me to text him silly memes from the internet to distract him, and I did. When his dad was diagnosed with cancer, I listened, supported, put aside my own feelings of pain when he had to go be with his dad -- because, of course... he needed to be there. I set my feelings aside. He was important to me. He was more important than my feelings.

There were things that were blatantly wrong...missteps on his part...I admit. We made a lot of sex jokes. He enjoyed it when I told him I'd had a sex dream about him. He told me he'd had one about me as well, and told me about his positive physical reaction to it. We joked about how he loved to be naked all the time -- how he'd seen my breasts (because I had breastfed my daughter for a month or so in his office) -- he told me about his "intimate" piercings... in detail. It was fine, though, because as he said -- I wasn't just another client. I was a friend. I was special. Yes, I know -- it's a red flag when a therapist tells you that you are special. I didn't care..I wanted to be special to him. God, I wanted it. I loved him.

I told him I loved him; he told me he loved me. We would sometimes use my session time to go out to eat. We also got together a couple of times outside of sessions...for lunch, or so he could see my ride horses. He always promised me we would be friends when therapy ended. I didn't want therapy to end. I didn't want S as a friend; I wanted him as a therapist. I was terrified of therapy ending. I told him all the time that I knew...knew he would leave me someday. He told me he never would. He promised to never leave me. Though, after the cancer thing, he amended the promise to say he would never cut me out of his life. Life can take people away, after all.

Our therapeutic relationship was a roller coaster. In the past 3 years, I can't remember ever being at peace. I can no longer remember what occupied my mind before S. I think of him all the time -- from the moment I wake up til the moment I fall asleep. I knew when he broke up with his girlfriend; we talked about dating...his dating life...his sexual preferences (and mine too)...like friends. We'd sometimes spend a session sitting outside...once, I remember, we sat outside around this same time...drinking some starbucks drinks...and he said...he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. That he needed therapy, but that he needed a therapist who was like him...and he couldn't find one. (He joked often that he was the best out there.) I knew so much about him -- I cannot possibly put it all here... I loved him. I love him. More than I've ever loved anyone. Ever. He is a part of me. And, I don't think it's just transference. I love him... I knew him. Ours was not a one-way relationship. Except... I always knew something wasn't right as well. I just ignored it, because keeping him in my life was priority 1. Besides... he told me that my perception of the world and how it worked was wrong -- flawed by my past history. He encouraged me to ask him what was real and to work to adjust my world view to whatever truth he told me. And, I tried. I was the client, after all. He, the therapist -- with my best interest in mind. Surely his perception of the world was far more correct than mine. After all, I was the one seeking help... I was the damaged one. Not him. (Although, I knew of his damage -- knew of his own past that was very similar to mine.)

I told him the DAY I found out I was pregnant. S has sonogram pictures of my daughter... he swore that he'd be there for me... I still remember him saying "lean on me. I mean it. Please use me." God, it felt... so good. To not be alone for the first time ever. Except.....it never really did play out how he'd promised. That was the theme of our relationship though... things never really did play out how he'd say they would. When I got horrible post-partum anxiety...it was my mother who finally hospitalized me. S couldn't be bothered to answer the phone when I called to ask him for help getting into a hospital. I had to beg to even get to speak to him. And when I did ...it was just... all on me. He didn't help. Gave me no advice or names of a hospital. I had to figure it out without him.

2.5 months ago, S told me that he was going to be interviewing for a job across the country. He wasn't sure if he'd take it or not, but he wanted me to know. My world ended. Truly. Ended. It was like cutting my lungs out of my body. I don't honestly know how I am still alive. But, it got worse. 1.5 months ago, it became official -- he's moving. Worse still.....3 weeks ago, S was diagnosed with cancer. The same cancer that killed his aunt and is killing his dad.

How is this real life? Have you ever hit that point...where you are convinced it's not real...this has to be a dream... it doesn't feel, look...real. I am at that point. I am stuck at that point.

I'm seeing a new therapist now...thank god, or I would be dead. Truly. And, honestly, not a day goes by...not an hour goes by when I don't think about ending it. I'm slowly realizing, though, that my life, my health, my happiness, my sanity is so tightly enmeshed with this person...... with a person who never really existed, honestly... not as he described himself, at least. And, the mental games have continued since the therapeutic relationship ended. When I asked for a final session -- for closure in our therapeutic relationship -- denied. Do I get to say goodbye to his office -- the place where I've spent so so much of my life these last 3 years? No. Denied. But, we've gone out to eat. I've driven over countless times just to hug him after work... waited 20 minutes in the parking lot for a 5-minute hug. I'm addicted. Disguised threats, in my opinion... threats to cut me out completely. Currently, he is 100% ignoring me. Silent treatment. I feel I am being punished. I am. I'm being punished.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to move through or past this. I cannot bear the idea of him not being in my life. I cannot bring myself to say "that's it" and cut all ties. I have every email -- thousands...thousands of emails -- and every text message...that we've ever sent. Ever. I don't know how to exist without S anymore. I don't know where I stop and he begins. I don't know where my imaginings of him/who he is stop and the real him begins. My current therapist says...that it's a lot like someone protecting their captor. That's how I feel. That's how I respond.

I don't know what happened.
I don't know if this was simply bad therapy...or actual abuse. It probably doesn't matter.
I do believe he genuinely cares about me. he's invested too much time and energy for that to not be true.
Can you care and abuse at the same time?
Have I spent the last 3 years...paid $30,000+ out of pocket...to be abused? Sorry. I feel shame even saying that word... because... I wanted it. I wanted to be special. I know that I hold at least half of the fault in this.
I just don't know how to survive it.

[Ididitmyway]

"Can you care and abuse at the same time?"

Yes, you can because in your mind you care.

Abuse is not a conscious decision. No one decides one day "it'd be fun to abuse this person so why don't I do that". Abusers never believe they are doing something wrong and often they feel they care about the victim.

The victim (in this situation specifically) also often feels cared for and it's usually because people who become victims often don't know what real care is, they have not experienced much of it in their life so they have a rather weak capacity to distinguish a genuinely caring behavior from the one that feels like caring but is not.

"Have I spent the last 3 years...paid $30,000+ out of pocket...to be abused?"

No, you haven't. You, as many therapy clients, were emotionally vulnerable and not in a good state of mind to see clearly that you were taken advantage of. You were not in a position to exercise a sound judgment. Your "therapist" was in a position to do that due to his professional role. It was his responsibility, NOT YOURS, to make sure that the professional relationship stays professional. This is not to say that you shouldn't try to understand yourself better and to understand what specific individual vulnerabilities made you a target of exploitation. I think it's crucial to understand that in order to be able to better protect yourself in the future. But don't confuse understanding your emotional process with being responsible for the abuse you have suffered. Your emotional problems that made you susceptible to abuse do not take any bit of responsibility away from the abuser. The abuser is the only one responsible for the abuse. Period.

"I wanted it. I wanted to be special. I know that I hold at least half of the fault in this. "


No, you don't. You don't hold any of the fault in this. Your wanting to be special was no excuse for the "therapist" to forget his professional role. I don't care if you asked him to do what he did. I don't care if you insisted. I don't care if you enticed. I don't care if you seduced. I don't care you danced naked to get what you wanted. It doesn't matter what you did in that relationship. He had full control of his own decisions and his own actions. He made a choice to behave the way he did. As a therapist, he should've known better. He should've known that when people come to therapy they are quite unconscious of their needs, desires and motivations. It was his job as a therapist to help you become more aware of your needs and desires, NOT TO ACT THEM OUT with you.

"I just don't know how to survive it."

You will survive if you set your intention on surviving but it will require putting yourself first and not giving in to feelings of caring about the abuser, which many victims experience because they don't want to cut the cord. Take it from someone who has been abused by therapists and has survived it.

[ramonajones]

REALLY glad you're seeing a different therapist but my god this guy abused the **** out of you. I've been considering reporting mine and it isn't half as bad as this. The boundary violations are so clear here I would think you could have his license yanked in a hot second.

[toomanycats]

Ramona --
I disagree that the boundary violations you experienced aren't as bad.
In fact, I thought exactly the opposite of what you just said when I read your story...
The boundary violations against you were so clear to me... meanwhile, I feel like I rest in a grey area.

Although, that's a trademark of abuse...
Unable to see your own situation.
Others' situations look far worse and more clear-cut.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

"Can you care and abuse at the same time?"

Yes, you can because in your mind you care.

Abuse is not a conscious decision. No one decides one day "it'd be fun to abuse this person so why don't I do that". Abusers never believe they are doing something wrong and often they feel they care about the victim.

The victim (in this situation specifically) also often feels cared for and it's usually because people who become victims often don't know what real care is, they have not experienced much of it in their life so they have a rather weak capacity to distinguish a genuinely caring behavior from the one that feels like caring but is not.

"Have I spent the last 3 years...paid $30,000+ out of pocket...to be abused?"

No, you haven't. You, as many therapy clients, were emotionally vulnerable and not in a good state of mind to see clearly that you were taken advantage of. You were not in a position to exercise a sound judgment. Your "therapist" was in a position to do that due to his professional role. It was his responsibility, NOT YOURS, to make sure that the professional relationship stays professional. This is not to say that you shouldn't try to understand yourself better and to understand what specific individual vulnerabilities made you a target of exploitation. I think it's crucial to understand that in order to be able to better protect yourself in the future. But don't confuse understanding your emotional process with being responsible for the abuse you have suffered. Your emotional problems that made you susceptible to abuse do not take any bit of responsibility away from the abuser. The abuser is the only one responsible for the abuse. Period.

"I wanted it. I wanted to be special. I know that I hold at least half of the fault in this. "


No, you don't. You don't hold any of the fault in this. Your wanting to be special was no excuse for the "therapist" to forget his professional role. I don't care if you asked him to do what he did. I don't care if you insisted. I don't care if you enticed. I don't care if you seduced. I don't care you danced naked to get what you wanted. It doesn't matter what you did in that relationship. He had full control of his own decisions and his own actions. He made a choice to behave the way he did. As a therapist, he should've known better. He should've known that when people come to therapy they are quite unconscious of their needs, desires and motivations. It was his job as a therapist to help you become more aware of your needs and desires, NOT TO ACT THEM OUT with you.

"I just don't know how to survive it."

You will survive if you set your intention on surviving but it will require putting yourself first and not giving in to feelings of caring about the abuser, which many victims experience because they don't want to cut the cord. Take it from someone who has been abused by therapists and has survived it.

Thank you so much for this!!

[southernsky]

I absolutely agree with the others that your therapist's behavior was extremely inappropriate. I would consider it abusive and manipulative even if he didn't mean any harm. It's definitely possible that this all started out innocently for him - but that doesn't change how wrong it was for him to act like this.

This is in no way your fault. You came there looking for help. It was reasonable for you to expect that you could trust your therapist to focus on helping you and to have your best interests in mind.
He took advantage of you by using the time and money that was supposed to be used to help you to instead make it about him. It was selfish of him to use your time together to get advice from you or make sexual comments for his own gratification when he should have been focused on what would be **helpful** for **you**.

If he needed a friend, he could have looked for a friend in a thousand other places. He didn't have to rely on you, or ask anything of you. A good therapist would have realized he was developed an unhealthy attachment to you and either gotten supervision to help him keep his boundaries intact or would have referred you to someone else if he couldn't resist. It was so very, very wrong for him to encourage you to develop this unhealthy attachment to him.

Even if he is really sick, it's not right for him to look for support in dealing with it from you. He could contact cancer support groups, hospice agencies, or whatever else if he needs more help and support. A good therapist would not want to burden you with his problems like this.

[Merecat]

"Our therapeutic relationship was a roller coaster."

With the greatest of respect, you didn't have a therapeutic relationship, as in something professional, boundaries and healing. His behaviour towards you has been incredibly abusive and I'd be reporting him and seeking compensation of your fees through his malpractice insurance. I know the attachment is there, and you don't want to do anything that might jeopardise whatever you have left with him, I hope you are able to teach a point where you can complain about him though because his behaviour was appalling.

[toomanycats]

Today, I am struggling hard with jealousy.

My former therapist is moving soon to take up a job in Arizona -- across the country from me. I am JEALOUS of his new clients... jealous that they get to have him how I still want to have him (as a therapist -- not a friend). It hurts... so badly... I'm tired of the physical pain of this. I don't want to feel anything towards him. I wish I could completely forget he ever existed.

[elisewin]

I am so sorry all this happened to you. I really wish you find the strenght to report him for malpractice.

[toomanycats]

I'm not going to report him.
That is never going to happen. :\

[toomanycats]

S is gone. He's left for Arizona.
And, he's suddenly gone 100% silent on me.
The last text he sent me...on Friday...was just..."I miss you."
Now, nothing. Nothing in 2 days. From someone I have texted daily for 3 years.

I'm crushed. I've called, texted, emailed. Because, you know, I'm insane. I honestly wouldn't be shocked if this is it -- if he doesn't speak to me ever again. He promised otherwise (hell, last Tuesday, he told me he's getting a tattoo that has emotional significance between the two of us). I hate that I have no control over this. I can only beg... beg for a response.

I'm this messed up because my new therapist -- J -- is out of town until July 7. It's just awful timing. I feel so alone, so abandoned...terrified that J is also gone for good...logic is not reaching my emotions. I'll still be at group therapy, and I'm seeing my group therapist separately this week as well... but just...

It doesn't matter.
Because I f-ing love S.
And he told me he loved me. Multiple times. Just last week.
And I don't understand. I don't understand why the silence. I don't understand what's happened to me. I don't understand anything.

[growlycat]

What if he Is lying about moving, having another job too?

Originally Posted by growlycat

What if he Is lying about moving, having another job too?

I was thinking the exact same thing.

Sorry, TMC.

[toomanycats]

Originally Posted by growlycat

What if he Is lying about moving, having another job too?

I really don't think that is the case.
He posted on Facebook to the local football group in the area that he runs about it.... months ago.
His practice really is closed. It's right near my house.

[precaryous]

Have you checked his licensing board to see if his license is active in Arizona and your state? I would even check the state where he graduated from med school to see if he has a license there.

Maybe his license has been disciplined or revoked?

[toomanycats]

His license is current and active -- up for renewal in 5 days. He told me that he plans to renew it here even though he is moving. He has no claims against him that I can see.

He does not yet appear to have licensure in Arizona -- where he's moving. That board just convened June 19 he said. I don't honestly know how that all works.

[precaryous]

"I was seeing a therapist 2-3 times a week for 3 years."

My T says seeing a T 2-3 times a week is considered "crisis counseling." (Exception is for psychoanalytic therapists who commonly see clients several times a week.)

He had you in crisis counseling for three years. My t says, that alone, is actionable by the licensing board.

I'm very sorry. That's a big hole for you to fill.