I just wondered how many people are very attached to their therapists. If so have you told your T and how did they react?

Cue the laughter.

I am very attached to my therapist. I haven't directly told him how attached I am to him, but I have demonstrated it to him through my actions.

This is a story that is in the middle of playing out between us. At present, it doesn't look as though he's reacting well. It's incredibly painful.

I'm very attached to my therapist. In spite of a few of his insecurities coming to the fore early on in my attachment (which he owned and apologised for) overall he handles it very well and we talk about it openly. I don't keep any of it from him and I don't often fear judgement from him for the things I tell him. It's a very healthy thing I think. My therapist says he believes our relationship is reparitive and that my feelings will change as we move through the process. I agree with him, my feelings towards him seem to be in constant evolution.

[DodgersMom]

i am very attached, he knows and was fine with it. he assured me he wont change how he interacts with me because of it, he still hugs me at the end of session.

I poured out my whole recent sordid story here and then deleted it.

Yes, I am extremely attached to my t and we've talked about it often and it's never been a problem until now and it is very painful and that's all I've got to say about that a la forrest gump.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by SS1971

I just wondered how many people are very attached to their therapists. If so have you told your T and how did they react?

I am very attached, and while it isn't always comfortable, I acknowledge that being attached to other people is a normal human condition. Yes, I told my T via reading a part of a journal entry. The last line of what I read said, "And I never intended to become attached to you." It was the end of our session and I got up to leave. T was making a note w/a small smile on her face. It's been a struggle for me to become comfortable w/this level of attachment, but T has been supportive and has reacted as though it's a perfectly normal part of our therapy process.

[Calilady]

Hi, my name is Calilady and I am still attached to my last therapist.
Hiiiiii, Calilady!

LOL.

Yes, was attached. Painful and awful. I'm the type of person who rarely has connections to other people, but when I do, those are very deep, emotional attachments. New therapist totally gets it. Old therapist did not. She's only 33 and specializes in addiction recovery, so attachment stuff was not her forte.

I told her through a series of events that allowed me to discover the attachment in the first place. Odd, how those things happened for me one night. I couldn't just leave, like I normally do. She asked me not to pull my usual avoidant bullsh-t and 'lean into" the connection. At other times, it felt like she was uncomfortable with it. "Is there anything else you want to talk about other than being here?"
Or, if I entered the room and told her (jokingly) that it was tough for me to sit there with her, being attached to her, it was met with "Oh God, not again." Little things that made me go hmmmm.

It was tough. Our connection had changed over the past few months. I remember her walking me out and then just nearly cutting off and saying bye when she saw a friend of hers sitting out in the waiting room. I could hear her talk about her real life, as I walked out and I began to realize that I don't know her. My sessions with her mean a lot, but she has an entire "real life" unto herself that I don't have a clue about. Prior to the attachment stuff, we discussed at length her methods of self-care and that she has to stay pretty detached.

She and I fought. Tried to repair it. The previous week would have been returning to normalcy of our sessions, it would have been 3 in a row w/o fighting or arguing...but she cancelled due to a death in the family and I found out that she was...skirting around the truth, I'll say. Avoiding me. Very tough to feel that way being attached. Her last text to me on my phone is a falsehood, basically.

So, I'm not a fan of it. I also need to feel safe and I wasn't feeling safe even before that stuff began to happen. New t gets it, but he's much older and has been a practicing therapist longer than I've been alive. He's not her, as much as I want him to be. But he'll do for now.

[toomanycats]

I was really really attached to my last therapist, S. Unfortunately, it was an unhealthy attachment that really damaged me. He knew how attached I was, and unfortunately, he used it to sort of build himself up... and fuel himself. It ended very badly. I am still attached to him, we are attempting to remain friends, but are on a no-contact break right now (my request).

I am mildly attached to my current therapist, J. However, he seems very uncomfortable with any sort of real attachment, and it is just not working out. He is very young, and I am not in a place right now where I want to be anyone's "learning client." So, I'm currently seeking a therapist who is very experienced in attachment work.

[Calilady]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

I was really really attached to my last therapist, S. Unfortunately, it was an unhealthy attachment that really damaged me. He knew how attached I was, and unfortunately, he used it to sort of build himself up... and fuel himself. It ended very badly. I am still attached to him, we are attempting to remain friends, but are on a no-contact break right now (my request).

I am mildly attached to my current therapist, J. However, he seems very uncomfortable with any sort of real attachment, and it is just not working out. He is very young, and I am not in a place right now where I want to be anyone's "learning client." So, I'm currently seeking a therapist who is very experienced in attachment work.

Yeah, it can be very covert when they use it for themselves. They're human, we all do it, but when you're in therapy to heal those issues, no bueno!!

[anais_anais]

I am extremely attached to one of my Ts. In my own avoidant and inarticulate way, I have communicated the depths of this attachment to him-- and he has picked up on these clues and been very supportive. He is one of those Ts that encourages attachment as part of the therapy process- for me I have never been attached to anyone, so I have had to learn it with him. He gives me touch whenever I want or need it, and goes out of his way to let me know he's there for me. That said, there is absolutely no out-of-session contact- it's scheduling only, unless I am particularly shaken up by something in session, then I may call that week. This strict boundary frustrates me sometimes but I'm also very glad it's there, balancing the intimacy of our sessions.

[Calilady]

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I am extremely attached to one of my Ts. In my own avoidant and inarticulate way, I have communicated the depths of this attachment to him-- and he has picked up on these clues and been very supportive. He is one of those Ts that encourages attachment as part of the therapy process- for me I have never been attached to anyone, so I have had to learn it with him. He gives me touch whenever I want or need it, and goes out of his way to let me know he's there for me. That said, there is absolutely no out-of-session contact- it's scheduling only, unless I am particularly shaken up by something in session, then I may call that week. This strict boundary frustrates me sometimes but I'm also very glad it's there, balancing the intimacy of our sessions.

That's key when they are able to read between the lines and the clues that we drop along the way.
When my tiny morsels of veiled revelations are dropped and not picked up , I begin to detach and lose faith.

I'm glad yours did!

I did not know the word "attachment" in therapy or out of therapy. My therapist brought up the word attachment to me in relation to key attachment styles that are used to classify how people relate to one another. She explained to me that I had an avoidant attachment style and sometimes may have classified it as disorganized.

She offered to do attachment therapy with me in order to transition into a secure attachment style. Yes, a secure attachment style was the end goal. She was not in the business of making me dependent and/or attached to leave me hanging. It was a "tool" in my therapy to move me forward. It worked! I don't feel any more attached to her than some of my not closest friends.

It seems to me that most people that use the phrase "attachment to their therapist" bring it into the session along with all the anger, sadness, fears, especially because of the many ruptures that get posted on PC, and the raw feeling of vulnerability. Then sometimes the therapist makes mistakes, sometimes little ones, sometimes big ones.

I was big in using Forums and their post as ammunition in therapy, that what was happening to so many people on the forums was going to happen to me. My therapist was going to fail and she was a liar. (She said the process would take 18-24 months.) How could she not, it was me, the neediest person on earth. Most times she was patient and reassured me time and again that the misfortunes happening to others would not happen to me Other times, I sensed the frustration in her voice and tried to twist reason into my illogical way of thinking and found reasons to bolt, but I didn't. I kept my frustrations with her on her doorstep and I'm glad, because now I no longer dish crap to others where it doesn't belong, which was usually myself.

Being attached and/or dependent in a childlike way is a crapping feeling if one is adult. I get that because I've been there. But, if one has a competent therapist, or finds other methods, the process of working through the attachment and walking out the other side is a freedom like know other. I have learned also not to be an island unto myself, and have become interdependent on those around me.

SS1971, if you are wanting to also know how attachment is used or not as a "tool" in your therapy I would advise you to talk to your therapist about it.

¡El apego era bueno para mí!
(Attachment was good for ME!)

AttachmentesBueno

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by SS1971

I just wondered how many people are very attached to their therapists. If so have you told your T and how did they react?

Mine emailed me an article about "transference" and suggested that was the proper interpretation of my feelings. This kicked off a months long process wherein I confessed all sorts of feelings for her, which only served to glorify her and humiliate me.

[DodgersMom]

I'm only a few months into therapy and I'm terrified of losing him someday, I lose sleep over it sometimes even. its bad, he knows though and insists someday I wont need or want to see him which I 100% do not believe

we shall see. i am thankfully not in a romantic attachment thing, i could never face him again.

Deleted too much wine

Attachment is ****ing hard for most everyone that feels it. If my story and thoughts can be of use to anyone then good, if not that is okay too. Our processes in and out of therapy are not going to be the same. We don't even want the samethings from therapy or the therapist. I'm sorry my post afffected you negatively, but please don't take my post personally. You do what you need to do for you.

I have a passion about therapy as a good thing, given where I was ~6 years ago after an epic fail in therapy, and I may sometimes say too much for some peopl.

Never mind. Posting issues.

[stopdog]

The woman kept yammering on about it for about a year or so. I have no idea why. Fortunately she seems to have accepted the reality of the situation. She is imminently replaceable.

[retro_chic]

My T knows I'm attached to her. I've told her that I see her as an idealised mother figure and that I fantasise about her holding me or taking care of me. I also told her that I bought myself a stuffed animal to sleep with and named it after her. She reacted in a very non-judgmental way and is always willing to explore the issue if I bring it up.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm also very attached to my T. She knew from the start that it's a pattern of mine to get attached to people (specifically Ts). I guess it's partially a BPD thing for me. Her goal for me from the start was to reduce how fast I got attached. She kept strong boundaries. It did take me longer to get attached, but also because we had a lot of issues in the beginning of our relationship. A few months ago, I admitted to her that I love her. She was fine with it. She said it's normal...of course not all people love their therapists, but it happens often. She didn't make me feel bad, ashamed, or guilty. In fact, I felt very accepted.

Originally Posted by daisydid

Cue the laughter.

I am very attached to my therapist. I haven't directly told him how attached I am to him, but I have demonstrated it to him through my actions.

This is a story that is in the middle of playing out between us. At present, it doesn't look as though he's reacting well. It's incredibly painful.

I totally get that. I feel like mine isn't particularly happy about it which hurts a lot.

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

I poured out my whole recent sordid story here and then deleted it.

Yes, I am extremely attached to my t and we've talked about it often and it's never been a problem until now and it is very painful and that's all I've got to say about that a la forrest gump.

I totally get the painful part

Originally Posted by Calilady

Hi, my name is Calilady and I am still attached to my last therapist.
Hiiiiii, Calilady!

LOL.

Yes, was attached. Painful and awful. I'm the type of person who rarely has connections to other people, but when I do, those are very deep, emotional attachments. New therapist totally gets it. Old therapist did not. She's only 33 and specializes in addiction recovery, so attachment stuff was not her forte.

I told her through a series of events that allowed me to discover the attachment in the first place. Odd, how those things happened for me one night. I couldn't just leave, like I normally do. She asked me not to pull my usual avoidant bullsh-t and 'lean into" the connection. At other times, it felt like she was uncomfortable with it. "Is there anything else you want to talk about other than being here?"
Or, if I entered the room and told her (jokingly) that it was tough for me to sit there with her, being attached to her, it was met with "Oh God, not again." Little things that made me go hmmmm.

It was tough. Our connection had changed over the past few months. I remember her walking me out and then just nearly cutting off and saying bye when she saw a friend of hers sitting out in the waiting room. I could hear her talk about her real life, as I walked out and I began to realize that I don't know her. My sessions with her mean a lot, but she has an entire "real life" unto herself that I don't have a clue about. Prior to the attachment stuff, we discussed at length her methods of self-care and that she has to stay pretty detached.

She and I fought. Tried to repair it. The previous week would have been returning to normalcy of our sessions, it would have been 3 in a row w/o fighting or arguing...but she cancelled due to a death in the family and I found out that she was...skirting around the truth, I'll say. Avoiding me. Very tough to feel that way being attached. Her last text to me on my phone is a falsehood, basically.

So, I'm not a fan of it. I also need to feel safe and I wasn't feeling safe even before that stuff began to happen. New t gets it, but he's much older and has been a practicing therapist longer than I've been alive. He's not her, as much as I want him to be. But he'll do for now.

Hi Calilady!

its very painful isn't it. interestingly mine also specialises in addiction although she is older. she asked me if i felt attached to her just before she went away for 2 months. i said yes then she changed subject and didn't look too happy. since she has returned our relationship has felt different (even though she now gives me a hug at the end of each session which she didn't before). i wrote in my journal whilst she was away that i don't think she is happy i am attached to her and that i know when i no longer need therapy she will cut me out her life and i will have to try and unattach myself. we worked through this journal (even though i don't think she was comfortable doing so, and she avoided discussing most parts that were about her) and she said that i wont be attached to her anymore when i no longer need therapy

Originally Posted by toomanycats

I was really really attached to my last therapist, S. Unfortunately, it was an unhealthy attachment that really damaged me. He knew how attached I was, and unfortunately, he used it to sort of build himself up... and fuel himself. It ended very badly. I am still attached to him, we are attempting to remain friends, but are on a no-contact break right now (my request).

I am mildly attached to my current therapist, J. However, he seems very uncomfortable with any sort of real attachment, and it is just not working out. He is very young, and I am not in a place right now where I want to be anyone's "learning client." So, I'm currently seeking a therapist who is very experienced in attachment work.

sorry that it is still painful for you. it is nice that you can still have contact though. i know mine wont want contact with me when therapy ends

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

I'm only a few months into therapy and I'm terrified of losing him someday, I lose sleep over it sometimes even. its bad, he knows though and insists someday I wont need or want to see him which I 100% do not believe

we shall see. i am thankfully not in a romantic attachment thing, i could never face him again.

mine also insists the same which i also don't believe