Attachment to therapist

therein lies the problem for me anyway, i think. my t used my attachment too as part of the healing process. she (i guess) just didn't know how to keep my attachment from turning into emotional dependency and then once it did, she didn't see it, and neither did i, so we weren't able to 'correct course' when we should have to prevent this ultimate collapse of the whole thing. that's my two cents anyway on my own situation 11 days out from my last session.

T terminates because of the attachment you mean? Why would s/he do that? Attachment is a regular outcome in all human relations. I would be more surprised if there were not attachment to T than when there is.

T terminates because of the attachment you mean? Why would s/he do that? Attachment is a regular outcome in all human relations. I would be more surprised if there were not attachment to T than when there is.

therein lies the problem for me anyway, i think. my t used my attachment too as part of the healing process. she (i guess) just didn't know how to keep my attachment from turning into emotional dependency and then once it did, she didn't see it, and neither did i, so we weren't able to 'correct course' when we should have to prevent this ultimate collapse of the whole thing. that's my two cents anyway on my own situation 11 days out from my last session.

It really took the painful stuff of this implosion of my 'relationship' with t, to be able to see it for what it was on my part - emotional dependency - absolutely. Funny I guess how it (my attachment to her) worked for a long time - I made some really significant changes to myself during the almost 6 years and was feeling good enough to want to end, then after we started that working towards ending in November, it all imploded and apparently I have quit (with the exception of perhaps going back for one closure session), and I'm at a loss what the hell happened. But, the upside is, I now see how emotionally dependent I had become on her, which was definitely NOT healthy, and that comes from this insatiable need inside me for maternal approval, that I was getting from her as well, instead of learning to find that inside myself, bla bla bla, and I wish she had seen it and been able to work on it with me.

Incidentally I recently ran across an online quiz about "Childhood Emotional Neglect". I took the quiz and yeah. Describes me pretty well. Not something my t ever talked about. It's like, that emotional neglect on top of the other 'stuff' growing up, paved the way for this to happen with t.

Anyway I'm reading a book about healing from it now. It's interesting.

That didn't make sense to me either. My T and i are going through a gigantic rupture right now. The attachment is the thing that keeps me working on stuff. Which today led to a realization about how I disown my own power in an attempt to placate mother figures.
Without the attachment i would have bailed because it hurt too much and tbat issue would still be under the surface.

What book are you reading?

it's called Running On Empty by Jonice Webb, PhD. I've only barely started it, so who knows if it's really any good or not but it's interesting so far.

I really liked it.

Well true and yeah I can see how for awhile, my attachment did keep me working on stuff. But what I'm trying to articulate and failing is that my attachment somehow became more than that - it became emotional dependency and so basically I was relying on her to fill needs that I should have been working on learning to fill for myself - the very deep-seated need for maternal approval - like it was easier to just let her meet it and not work on it - and neither of us saw that that was happening.

I honestly think this forum sometimes pathologizes normal human attachment and behavior.

i give up. i'll stay away from this thread now.

Honestly you seem bitter and resentful towards people who have good relationships with their therapists

I guess i don't understand this. To some degree we are emotionally dependent on all the important people in our lives. Maybe she does not have the skill to do what you need her to, or maybe something else is going on. But i don't understand the difference between attachment and dependency in the way you interact with your T. I mean when i think negative emotional dependency its where you can't make a decision on your own or hold a job or whatever

I honestly think this forum sometimes pathologizes normal human attachment and behavior.

You have a husband. A family, a job, friends hobbies, all without your T. It makes no sense to me that you see yourself as pathologically dependent on someobe you meet with every other week. That's just normal dependency in my mind. We all need other people.

I guess i just don't get ir. You appear to function just fine without your T except for being emotional which is a normal part of relationships. I'd be equally upset if I had a big fight with a good friend.

Bitter and resentful? Nope. I have a good relationship with my current therapist, she's alright. But I don't care about her. That was my whole point: don't invest so much energy into a relationship that isn't real. I find it interesting that you're assuming I'm bitter because I don't find most therapeutic relationships on this forum (including your own by the way) healthy at all. That sounds pretty defensive and like I've hit a nerve.

Lol. Ok. I just remember you pining away for your previous T so you can stop acting like you're above it

Well I've moved on. Realized how unhealthy it all was. I'm not above it, I have simply changed. Again, it seems I've hit a nerve since you keep attacking me. Pretty telling.

I honestly think this forum sometimes pathologizes normal human attachment and behavior.