Couch 153: Couch slouch

Make sure to take it easy, Art! You won't remember as much if you overdo it when you study. One of the accommodations I write frequently is to chunk material to ensure understanding.

Speaking of psychology, I told my coteacher that I had made a decision today. I don't know when, but at some point in the next few years I'm going to get my doctorate in educational psychology. My coteacher said that I'd be fabulous at it. My school's current psychologist has already told me she'd write me a letter of recommendation.

It's kind of exciting to have a new goal to accomplish

Wow, that's a great goal Daisy!! I'm cheering for you here in my office!

Any suggestions on getting my daughter to not be terrified of the new dog? Who's been mostly very sweet (like, seriously bonded to me already!), just scared D by trying to jump up on her at the foster's house because she was excited.

Uh oh, is the first time your daughter has been around a dog? In my very limited experience (taking my therapy dog to schools), kids who are afraid of dogs need a lot of time and patience--very gradual exposure over time. Whatever you do, don't force the situation on either of them. If your gut doesn't feel right about this, let the dog stay in foster.

I'm ready to be a healthier person.

My t has that. He used to be at a pre-school (might still be, idk). Good for you!

I bit the bullet and asked Info about twice a week (by email). We're going to talk about details next week.

Good for you asking for what you need, atat. I found twice a week really helpful on more than one occasion... it's not easy to ask for, but I'm glad I did.

I decided to go swim laps. Even though it's 94 degrees F, it's really windy, so I didn't make it for a full hour. Funny how cold the wind feels when you're soaking wet! I swam for 45 minutes anyway.... now I'm going to do another chunk of my chapter.

She's been around them lots before--used to be totally cool with them, then got skittish. Like she'll gradually warm up to them. Tonight, she did eventually pet Brownie on her leg while she was half-asleep in my lap (dog was fine with it). So I'm hoping it's just a process.

Dog is currently whining pitifully in her crate (I did take her out to pee one last time, just in case, so it's not that). Tried spritzing her with water as foster does, but didn't work. H just went down and spritzed her a bunch. I think she's (dog's) just scared and am trying to comfort her, but I'm apparently doing it wrong (by trying to talk to dog in calming voice), because H is annoyed at me ("She can't speak English!").

So basically, currently have D freaking out in bed and dog freaking out in crate 2 floors away. I went to comfort D, but she requested Daddy. Hopefully we'll all get to sleep at some point...

Why are you spritzing her with water?

I imagine she's frightened being in a new home.

I am sorry LT, this is very triggering to me. Please don't spray water at a frightened dog who has no idea what's happening to her.

I'm going to sign off and wont read for a while, so post away and maybe others can support.

I highly recommend hiring a dog trainer. It makes for a happier dog AND a happier family, plus your daughter can be involved.

My ex-boyfriend had a dog who would jump on his kids (9-year-old twins), plus the dog was engaging in other bad behaviors. He hired a trainer to come to the house when all of us were there, so we worked together with the dog, kids included, as a family. It was very helpful for all of us.

Two important parts of dog training are consistency and that everyone in the family be involved.

I would stop spraying her; she is probably just scared, and this can be very traumatizing. Before bedtime a walk or some playtime would be useful to wear her out and make her more inclined to sleep.

The dog has had a giant upheaval in his life. I wouldn’t spritz him with water - no punishment for being scared/lonely/new house, new people, new rules etc. If it was me I would move the crate to my bedroom so that the dog is with everybody. Dogs get lonely. As long as I let my dog sleep in the crate in their bed in my bedroom - they quieted down really quickly and everyone could go to sleep. Dogs want to be with their pack/family - keeping her downstairs would be cruel to me (the water thing is not even in my conceivable appropriate action area). When my puppies were puppies - I had crates in the living room and my bedroom.
Frankly I’m not a big fan of negative dog treatment in general. I believe positive reinforcement does so much better. And while dogs may not speak english -they do understand a lot.

Sounds really stressful for everyone including your new dog. I really know nothing about animals and hope that you can get it all sorted out. I'd listen to the others on here who have dogs...lots of good support and recommendations out here. Good luck and hugs if you want them!

I was also anti-spritzing...did it once at H's insistence, but then he went down and spritzed her multiple times. To me, it's one thing if she's, say, chewing on the couch, but if she's scared and lonely, that's different. I suggested to H that we move the crate to the living room, where I sleep (long story) at least for tonight, and he was like, "If we move her there now, that's where she'll always sleep." When...I don't know if that's the case. New dog is a year old, if that makes a difference. Still i feel like adjusting to a new place would be hard, no matter what the age...

She has quieted down, not sure if she's asleep.

Why can't she sleep in the living or with people as long as she sleeps in her own space(dog bed/crate? It is hard on a dog getting used to a new place. Stressful. I would not let my partner/spouse tell me to mistreat an animal and I would not put up with my spouse/partner doing it either.

LT, it is not a question of whose fault the spritzing is. It is a question of someone stopping it, especially if it's not helping the dog and is being done for no good reason. If you think she should not be spritzed or should sleep in the living room while she adjusts, take a stand, or return the dog tomorrow so she gets a chance elsewhere. Your husband's attitude towards an innocent animal is concerning to me.

I think now might be a good time to go spend some time with the dog. Even if she's asleep, she'll probably sense a quiet, non-spritzing presence.

Having a new pup is hard, even an older one. It takes everyone a while to adjust and get to know each other.

Dogs do love to be with their people. I think letting the dog sleep in the living room is a great idea. I wonder if the idea might go over better if it's suggested as a transitional idea: Once pup is comfortable with your family and bedtime routine and becomes accustomed to sleeping in the crate, the crate becomes the place she associates with sleep and can be moved just about anywhere.

Guys who sit on the couch, not in the chair (in T's cabinet I mean) - what to do with hands? I still have no idea.

Picking at loose threads of couch or pillows is always satisfying.

I sit on t's couch. I usually have my notebook and pen in my hands because I take notes. Not that that always is a good thing - one time I threw my pen across the room because I got frustrated. (no, it didn't hit her)

Nowadays, if I'm not holding my notebook, I hold the teddy bear sometimes, or my chunk of rose quartz that I usually bring with me to sessions, or sometimes I grab something off the sand tray shelves to fiddle with. I gesture a lot with my hands when I talk too.

Ugh couch. I'm only 38% done with chapter 6, I wanted to be 50% done with it before I went to bed tonight. But my eyes just won't focus on the book anymore. Meh. This is a really long chapter... it's not that it's boring, not at all, I'm just tired from working long hours this month. Getting up at 4 am and still being able to function normally must require a gene I don't possess... at least I had today off work. That helped. And with h out of town, I should sleep like a log the next 4 nights til he gets back.

I feel the need to post about ending therapy vs taking a break. Maybe I should start a new thread about it instead of clogging up the couch....

Or I'll just go to sleep instead. Night couchies!!

Can't sleep...