Couch 153: Couch slouch

OH I am sure they do, una. I was thinking that very thing earlier. (I wonder how offended my t would be if I asked her?)

I feel bad for the little kids that were in that marshmallow experiment and I wonder if the experimenters took into consideration the confounding variables of getting kids like us in the experiment....

eta: and why did you say "Yikes." ?

For post 673 - im not sure of the defs.

Re marshmallows - i think there was finally an article in the nytimes about the cultural issues. I remember yelling at current t about it. Geez i found it!

https://forums.psychcentral.com/3553211-post216.html

If you feel bad for the marshmallow kids, wait till you hear about Little Albert.

I did (developmentally appropriate, activity embedded) behavioral intervention with children with disabilities for a few years.

I know this info is likely in your chapter, but it made more sense to me as a diagram...I had a 2x2 grid pictured in my head, each quarter labeled:
Positive=giving something
Negative=taking something
Reinforcement=increases the likelihood a behavior will be repeated
Punishment=decreases the likelihood a behavior will be repeated

So negative reinforcement means removal of an aversive stimulus, and the removal reinforces the behavior. Real life example: If a child is wearing itchy socks and verbalizes "Socks off," the removal of the itchy socks negatively reinforces use of the language to get the need met, so that the child is more likely to say "Socks off" the next time they do not like the feel of their socks.

Yes. This, like 100 times. Still.

My world turned upside-down when I realized that what I'd been describing for months was abuse, and I still feel startled by the word (and a couple others) when I hear them out loud in a session. I could say it for a while, but now I can't say it out loud.

abuse trigger

Left building: "I'm really having a bad day."
Right building: "I understand."

I couldn't think the word, then I could think it, visualise the word, then eventually I said it. This was all with my partner who always always always told me what I experienced is abuse even though I kept arguing with him too. Took many months.

When I said it for the first time in therapy...I was so afraid T would say "that's not abuse".

I'm afraid he would say that too...

Captgut, sadly your family blaming you is often cited as among the most most traumatising aspect for survivors.

I'm sorry that not only you were abused, that you were blamed and left alone with it.

I'm also sorry you still have to see him. My sibling touched me once forcibly and I still have to see him too....my experience was only once and mild but I get so triggered when I have to converse with him.

I hear you... I can imagine how horrible it is that you still have to see your family member... on top of you being blamed. I hope T helps you feel safe enough eventually to think the words, visualise the words and then to write the words for T.

Your truth is screaming to be heard, of course you're miserable and depressed, dear captgut. You're having normal reactions to s terribly abnormal family environment.

Hugs. I hope your T is indeed one of the good ones and won't dismiss your experience.

One reason why I feared is because a friend of mine did get dismissed with "that's not abuse" by a therapist (despite how it was absolutely horrible and abuse to me) and...my ex psychiatrist dismissed me too...

I have had a headache and felt ill since my session this morning. I dont want to think about it anymore.

Sorry BCM if I triggered stuff

Just to mention - I'm trying to "thank" your posts because I know you're on Tapatalk... But count it as hugs

I'm sorry for your experience. And your friend experience is really horrible...
I feel so lucky. My T is great.
He really messed up once and I still can't forget it. (he apologized...but still).
He can't be perfect all the time. But I worry it will happen again...

No you haven't I havent been here since this morning and skipped over the triggering stuff.

I guessed it's hugs! **hugs**

I'm glad your T is great. I hear being afraid T will mess up again. Do you feel safe bringing up your fear directly or indirectly to T, again and again if you have to?

TBH periodically I ask T "do you believe me?" and I sometimes sound like a broken record asking her "is it really bad enough to abuse?" I even told her several times what ex pdoc said like:
Me: Is it really bad enough to be abuse?
T: Yes, it is.
Me: but Dr Pdoc said xyzabc
T: why are his words so much more important than mine?
Me: because he's got 20+ years of experience and his mother abused him by punching him.
T: ... and he also suggested you go for conversion therapy but you don't believe him on that!
Me: true... but is it really abuse??

Okay. Thanks. I was worried I'd triggered crap for you.

I hope you start to feel better soon

Capt, T and I had a huge rupture once because... ages ago I kept telling her about my first therapist who liked to shame me as "acting like a victim" because he felt I "wasn't taking personal responsibility" (as in "victim mentality" of blaming others and not oneself) for some severe sexual harassment and work bullying I experienced.... so I made it bloody clear I never wanted to hear her say Anything implying anything like that.

Then one session, she said if "do you want to remain a victim?" Boy I tried arguing, she persisted... I shut down. Next session I was totally blaming myself for everything bad and painful that happened to me... read out my letter to her in tears, asking if she'd blame a molest survivor for their molest (she knows I'm one and also that family n friends blamed me)... turns out she had a totally different meaning to her phrase than the usual meaning said in many self help books and was stunned I thought she was telling me to blame myself because she wanted the opposite - for me NOT to self blame.

We talked, it felt resolved... until a year after that session when I recalled it, couldn't recall how we resolved it, and got all afraid of and angry with her again.

But talking it over again did help. Sometimes I forget (despite my notes in my journal) and then feel afraid T thinks I'm wallowing in blaming others, not taking personal responsibility...everything my first therapist said.

I'm afraid it will be stupid to remind him of that session. It was a year ago...

I brought it up to my T despite it being a year ago. It's up to you of course. However if it's disturbing you, there's really no expiry date on bringing it up again

I did not like how my T waited/forced me to say stuff, it was embarrassing saying those things even though T acted as though it was nothing remarkable. I did point out about the guys daughters and thats when T said those words.

Yeah I shouldn't have skipped the posts that said trigger and just read the last few pages...

Hi couch,
I hope you're all doing ok...

How're you doing?

Doing ok, thx

Sorry you're struggeling so much my dear I hope you can find some relief soon. What kind of question did you send to your T?

Stupid boring question. I didn't care about the answer. I just wanted to "talk" with him this way. I thought it would help me to understand he's real... No.