Couch 153: Couch slouch

A tripe hound.

I don't know. I'm stuck.
I don't want to upset him...
I feel terrible without meds. But with them I feel bad and guilty. Like I betrayed myself. +side effects.
I love T so much that I think I'm going to give meds another chance. I know I should do it for myself, not for him.

If meds reduce the awful, please tell T about the guilt and feeling bad like betraying yourself and the side effects. *hugs* You deserve to feel better, to feel good and not terribly awful.

I hope you find another reason, and yet another reason and yet another reason to live, dear Captgut. You deserve a life worth living and I hope you keep finding reasons and keep seeking help and that you'll eventually HAVE a life that's good or even neutral rather than all the bad terrible awfulness. *hugs*

my son and the pup have completely moved out. im lonely this morning already

oh hey, me and urgent care have been bff's this year

I was in ok mood yesterday and almost posted my photo here haha

I talked about the phone call with M. I was feeling embarrassed and needy for taking him up on the phone call offer (we are no contact in general, but our system so far is that if I have a hard session, he'll tell me to call that week if things go in a bad direction, but I never have)

But he said he was proud of me for doing it. He said "see how you reached out and got yourself out of crisis with a little twenty minute phone call, instead of isolating and being destabilized and unsafe all week?"

It's something I do a lot. Made me think. I feel like I isolate to further punish myself and prolong the pain, ensure that I don't feel better-- like being in crisis is where I belong, it's what I'm used to, that I don't get to have a productive and flourishing life. Because even though I made the call and feel much better, somehow it feels like cheating that I didn't wallow in it and see the process through.

So much crap has gone wrong today so far and it's not even 12 yet.

LOL! Not sure she'd take too kindly to that...

She could also maybe see this as an opportunity to get used to being around dogs (she got knocked over by one as a kid--no bite or anything--and has hated them ever since). But I doubt she'd do that.

It's amazing how deeply a minor incident like that can affect people.

The same thing happened to my mom, almost. It grabbed and tore the hem of her dress, i think.

Yeah, in high school a friend's golden retriever (who was very poorly trained and very happy to see me) knocked me flat on the ground and stood on top of me while chewing up my new suede jacket. Bruised ribs and wrecked jacket. I really like dogs, but it took me about ten years to be ok with any dog bigger than a corgi after that event.

Incidentally that dog eventually got taken away by animal services, they were mistreating it, sad but unsurprising.

So exhausted but I PASSED!!!!



Officially start my third year of school on October the 2nd!

Great job Lemon!

Thank you!

Whoohoo. Lots of hugs to you.

took a 3 hour nap. highly needed. fingers crossed that the excruciating pain doesn't come back. i am beyond annoyed at the constant peeing. its like it never ended.

For years and years, my mom spent thousands of dollars on my siblings children--for gifts and other things. Finally, I pointed out that she didn't spend a dime on her furry grandkid despite the fact that he was more part of her life than the others. I told her it was hurtful. And I kept harping on it. That Christmas, she bought him a super nice dog bed. After that, I referred to her (on his behalf) as grandma instead of mean lady who hates him and does everything for the people-shaped grandkids.

A dog bit me on the head when I was a kid. It didn't have any effect on my feelings toward dogs.

Thank youuuuuuuuu.

I'm excited and finally get to take an obligatory selfie in scrubs and work with real patients. My course is a 6 year one so it's another 3 years till I graduate.

I hope you feel better soon.

Congrats, Lemon!!!

Future dog came through her spay surgery OK today! I'm glad the foster e-mailed fairly early about it.

Yay! What have you named her?

is your son far away? He will still come home every now and then? Just like when he was in the military.