Couch 153: Couch slouch

I'm glad you did that, Daisy. Well done.

Also, I am going to bed now, really, honest...

Good because I was getting ready to yell at you again.

Night night, couch.

Night, Luco (I was about to say, what are you still doing up? But sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and post...) Get some sleep.

Hugs...That's great that you took that step though!

I know what you mean about feeling like you're "therapy cheating." When I told T1 I'd made an appointment with T2, I felt really guilty. But then today, when I mentioned to MC that I'd seen T2 last week and it went well, and I'd be seeing him again tomorrow...that felt like I was cheating not on T1, but on MC--I guess because T2 is a guy, and I'm partly seeing him to work on the transference for MC? And, well, I guess T1 is technically his employee, but I don't think that was it...

I think checking out other therapists can help in multiple ways -- when I checked out other therapists while seeing current T, I realized I wasn't likely to do much better (in this area) and so, back to current T I went.

When I checked out other Ts while seeing former T, I got a 'meh' feeling for the first couple, thought I could do okay-ish with one other and then felt a significantly (enough to switch) stronger 'yes' when I saw current T.

It was super painful to go through my life history in one-hour capsules but I'm glad I checked out other Ts every time I did -- if only to reinforce whatever decision I knew I needed to make.

You know i always recommend unconditional positive regard, coming or going!

Eta - its like what they say about forgiveness - you dont do it for the other person, you really do it for yourself. To recap - unconditional positive regard of the other person by you, is really for yourself, not them.

Yes, I know exactly what you mean by that last part--for the first half-hour with T2 last week, it was like, "Oh, I have to go through all this again, is it worth it?...," the sharing my life history thing. But I also found I was able to do so much more efficiently, since I've been in therapy--like I know what stuff I have to share because it's still affecting me and what I can leave out (at least for now). T2 even remarked on that, particularly on how I'd filled out the intake form.

Then about halfway through that appointment (was 90-minute intake), I started to feel more comfortable with him, and it was like, OK, this could maybe work. And then the insights he gave at the end were, well, rather insightful! Like he seemed to figure out stuff about me in one session that had taken T much longer. Granted, I was more direct and open with him, I think.

But it also made me realize that, even though I've been with T1 6 years, if I decide to switch to T2 for longer-term (not just a consultation), it's probably not going to take anywhere near 6 years to get where I am now. I'm not starting from scratch, I'm starting somewhere around the middle. I've already had some revelations and come to some realizations, so I can start where I am, not at the beginning.

Gah, couch

Intense session with T this afternoon, and then had to go back to work afterwards, which always sucks. I feel uprooted and profoundly shaken up but this one doesn't do email and I'm not gonna call her at 10:15 pm with a non-emergent thing.

Much badness, can't deal.

Yes -give those guys an inch and they try to take a mile.

No - It is absolutely not the thing to do to a dog -but I see no reason to object to using it to train one of those guys

Firm and consistent boundaries. They can throw their little therapisty tantrums, but just remain above it.

Well yeah I suppose that's true. And is along the same lines as the reason I was finally able to let go of the anger at my mother that I'd been holding onto for years n years n years - because it finally penetrated my pea brain that me being angry at her was only hurting me (and occasionally t), and not affecting my mother at all.

Hmm. I just understood something else. Why my attachment to t got all insecure again briefly... because that being angry at my mother was a kind of link from little Artie to her, a depressing one but a link nonetheless, and letting go of the anger kinda left little me floating and unconnected for a bit. Or something.

I don't know how I'm going to stay awake. I have to pick up my h at the aiport in a couple hours, not really long enough to take a nap, afraid I won't wake up in time. And I have to be at work at 5:30 am tomorrow yuk!!

My girls are trying to make me watch horror movies i dont know how to explain to them that yhere really are people who will hurt you and smile and laugh while yhey do it

I am watching Gomer Pyle reruns. I absolutely refuse to watch horror movies. I just will not put myself through it.

I vaguely remember watching Gomer Pyle, but I think I liked McHales Navy better

I like mc hale's navy also.

Unconditional positive regard for a therapist?

Uh, no. Not after the things I have seen them pull on me. I'm quite happy to have UPR for real people in my life (heck, I had UPR for future ex for years), but not therapists.

Though I do agree forgiveness is for oneself.

Just youtubed it and yes I still like mchales navy

Just got a talk from my D's T about avoidance as a coping mechanism..I think avoidance is a fine coping mechanism, its my main coping strategy.

If it involves avoiding horror movies - it is the best mechanism there is.

Hi couch.. I've posted here and there, but not too much. I've been reading the couch for a while though, is it ok if I join? I'm feeling pretty alone with my issues lately and you all seem to be understanding and supportive of each other

Welcome!

Jump on in! And welcome.

CE how goes the job hunt?

Not sure why you're qllowed to appeal in the us/uk. I know someone who had to appeal because the teaching assistants forgot to grade some papers of his exams. I think that's ok to appeal in this case