Couch 155: The International Operator

My dad keeps blaming me.
"You have to smile. You have to talk with me. You have to be active. You're so sad, it's disgusting" etc
Sigh

I still have such a long time before my next class, I'm wondering if I should start working on one of my test reviews.

Just in general, a much better kitty poster than my generation's stupid "hang in there!". More honest!

Your dad needs to shut his damn mouth.

I almost said something like this, haha...
Why are you still awake?

I have a massage scheduled today. Normally, I'd be thinking Woohoo!

Except I had a therapy session yesterday, and I am still raw. I'm afraid that I'll start crying on the massage table. I know she's a healing professional, I know my old massage therapist talked to her to let her know that sometimes massage brings up tears, I know it will be fine. But it's still awkward.

You can say it here on the couch <3

My brain is buzzing haha. I'll try to sleep. In my bed wishing I had a electric fan as it's 30℃. ^_^

I found this validating: http://thistherapylife.tumblr.com/po...rvivor-as-this

Someone told me today that they believe "everything happens for a reason", including their complex trauma, their DID, etc...

I don't believe every thing happens for a reason.

Dbt Radical Acceptance talks about "everything that happens had a cause" but I don't understand it.

This is...helpful wow... I rarely engage in such talk with colleagues because I don't trust them and I'm very introverted and socially anxious

How to get along with colleagues...?

http://rainaramsay.tumblr.com/post/1...-will-packbond

(QM)
Rant: here's a complex trauma survivor with DID saying everything does NOT happen for a reason. That's total and complete BS. Did 6 million people perish in the Holocaust for a reason, for example? 17 million according to some counts? Did we require that loss of life to "teach" us something? Logically... ok, everything that happens has a specific chain of events leading it to come to pass. But the suggestion is always to be looking for some silver lining or to undergo some inner exploration regarding the event. I didn't deserve what happened to me over and over, nor am I (or should I be) thankful for any special lesson or point of view my trauma and condition conferred upon me. And having been a few times around the loop, it certainly doesn't help to ponder the causes. My parents were messed up people before I was even born, I wish they had never gotten married and had kids but I can't change that, and that's it.

Ohh, this explains so much, at breaks I always go and hide in a corner....

Thx for this.

I am having a lousy day but I want to spout off my accomplishments for no one in particular:

It was two hours later than usual but I dragged my butt out of BED
I stretched and went for a RUN
I did some PILATES (badly)
I ate my damned LUNCH and it was HEALTHY
I washed the DISHES
I filled out a contract and put it in the god damned POSTBOX
I cleaned out the fridge and put the mushy veggies in the COMPOST
I took out the RECYCLING

And now I'm gonna take a freaking SHOWER and pack my DINNER and drive TWO AND A HALF HOURS to this stupid GIG.

Take that, today.

You are doing f***ing GREAT, Anais!

Hi! Are you new to the couch?

Go get 'em anais!

I just wanted to send out hugs to all the couchies. At the moment it seems like many are struggling all at the same time. Please stay safe & know you are loved, even if that love only comes from us here.

Way to go, anais! Definitely couldn’t have attacked the day that hard today.

Though I was able to finish my progress reports, which are beyond annoying.

yeah pretty sure i haven't attacked a day like that....ever?

This gig comes with teddy bears

I just realized I forgot half my concert outfit :-\

Anais_anais your accomplishments exhausted me!

Today I got up, took a very unwilling child to school, took a shower, worked, came home and crashed. Ate a few times, moaned and griped a lot, and generally was a slug by comparison.

Tomorrow I have to finish cleaning and de cluttering my room (saved the walk in closet for last) and I'm already procrastinating!

Probably over trigger-warning this, just to be safe...no specifics provided though.


Talked about it with H tonight, after having shared it with T2 earlier this week, in connection with my DWI. H was very understanding and compassionate, which made me feel better. And he's saying I should maybe talk to some other people in my life (family) about it. Though I feel kinda bad that I was able to share it with T2 before H... Still, when I have a hazy memory of something, I feel weird sharing it. And H respected that (the not remembering the specifics), which I appreciate...

I'm officially a Mrs.!

Congratulations Scarlet!

H and I went dishwasher shopping when I got home from work. New one arrives tomorrow! I was hand washing, but h was like that's stupid let's get a new one, we need it. I wasn't going to argue. I have no attachment to the one that came with the house...