Being Cuddled and Physically Comforted by My T

In the last session with T yesterday, she was really warm and caring to me. Most of the session, I was crying. I switched to a little girl in front of my T, who was curling up in a ball on the ground. She came by my side and physically comforted me. Sometimes, physical comfort is more than what mere words can do. A lot of the times, without asking, she would physically comfort me in the past and still was in the last session. She would call me "honey", "darling", but most of the time "sweetheart", with genuine concern for me. My T was comforting me for the rest of the session when I was crying, it is the safe place that I can cry myself out, when I cannot do it outside, especially in front of someone who knows deeply about me than most people in this world that I have came to share with her.

When I was crying with uneven breaths, my T was placing her hand on my right shoulder and gently stroked me continuously. She also was softly touching my lower and upper back to comfort me, while I was crying like a baby would do. It was comfortable of crying in front of her though, in a place promised without judgment and without threat. It lasted for approximately fifteen minutes, when she was physically comforting me and she went back to sit on her single couch. I was like a little girl in a grown up body on the carpet floor still, due to my dissociative identities, looking up at her from high and crawled across the carpet floor to sit at her feet.

I was at the feet of my T, with my curled up hand on her lower leg and my head resting on the front lap of her legs, but around her knees. I was in this position and she was continuously stroking gently on my back while I was doing that. A moment later, she started to cuddle me really tightly, reaching me downwards, for a moment, with her hand around my hip and she was like squeezing my body, but in a gentle way. She, with both of her hands held onto my hips and I felt my chest was touching her chest, for it was a really close moment with her. A little while later, she told me to stand up and asked me to hold both of her hands and I did and gave me some tissues to wipe away my tears.

Thank You - this was a beautiful moment

I have experienced this sort of comfort within a gestalt group and it's very holding

thats wonderful, not a lot of T's do that. glad it helped

the one and only time i cried in session, he let me cry on his shoulder while we hugged and he softly talked to me. it was amazing and around 5 min. the best hug of my life.

I would slap my T if he tried to hold me

I think it's wonderful.

Many of us have been suckered into believing we are 'disgusting'. It can be life-changing, the first time you realise that you're not.

Funny you mention that, we been hugging end of session since late June and I once asked him in August, "why do you still hug me?" he looked confused I was like "I am repulsive, so I can't believe touching me hasn't grossed you out"

We had a good convo after that but then this long hug we had was very healing for me however it gave me stronger desires to hug longer or snuggly with him nearly every session it comes to my mind. I fight the urges often

PVB, can you clarify what you mean by "disgusting"?

I'm glad OP managed to feel the safeness and comfort of her T and it sounds like it really helped you when you probably needed it.

I don't think that's either in me or my T to be like that. I'm not a touchy person in general and my T doesn't come across as one that touches either. When I have felt anxious or sad, she has used the power of speech I suppose to help and so far that has worked well.

However I get what has been also said on here, because sometimes mainly when I've said something that I felt shame over, some part of me would love to sit closer to her or have her closer and I think that's mainly for reassurance rather than comfort. Although I think the fact I tend to find myself repulsive I would never ask or tell her this and if I did I would never believe that she would! So I can really understand that by receiving that hug or touch would help with the inner repulsive demon that many of us sit with and face, especially when exposing yourself so openly in this setting.

I had a lot of physical abuse in my childhood. And had to witness it happening to my siblings and mother. It was sickening. Although logically I knew the shame for that belonged with the perpetrator (my father), somehow it transferred to me.

My older brother later confided that he felt the same. He felt 'disgusted with himself' for not 'saving' us.

I got away from home quite young. I thought I would never outgrow the self-disgust I felt. For instance, I couldn't imagine ever having a relationship with a man.

Dear friends and a gentle, wise boyfriend, made me see that I could.

I very much hope you have a similar experience. You have looked into your therapist's eyes and seen your true (beautiful) self reflected in them.

Abusedtoy... I'm so glad that you have such a great therapist who's willing to accept and work with your parts and comfort them like that.

I'm just curious as I have DID as well. You said you switched into the little girl and described everything that the therapist and you were doing. Are you co conscious with her? I'm just wondering how you know everything that happens. I usually don't remember anything that happens when I switch in session although my therapist will usually tell me what one of my parts talked about if I come back before the end of session.

My little ones have not felt safe enough to come forward yet hopefully someday.

zioecat, nice to hear from you. To what I have learnt is that those who are with DID, they sometimes do have co-consciousness with their other parts and sometimes have complete amnesia barrier, as what you've said, cannot remember anything at all during the switch.

Can I know how did other parts felt safer to come out, so that they can talk to your therapist? Can you share what you did when you switched as what your T told you what you did? Did your T told you in what way you were able to "come back"?

Abusedtoy... you didn't say but I can only assume that you are Co conscious with your little girl if you know that you were curled up in a ball crying and you know everything that your therapist did to comfort her.

As I stated earlier my little ones have not felt safe enough to come out in therapy. I have only had two parts that have come out to talk to the therapist that I am aware of. Those have been strong protector parts. Usually it seems like they get pissed about something or they really want to tell the therapist something so they will take over and start talking to him. Sometimes they will stay for the whole session other times they only talk for I don't know what few minutes I guess then they Retreat back inside and I come back during the session. When that happens by therapist will say that he was talking with so and so and he will tell me the majority of what was said. Sometimes they throw me under the bus and tell the therapist things I don't want him to know that is probably what drives them to come out so they can tell on me.

A couple times one of them came out just to respond to one question from the therapist I heard them speaking during those times. It was just like something came over me and use my mouth of my body for one sentence and then I was back. Kind of freaky.

You are lucky though because I don't think my male therapist would come anywhere near my little ones if they came out and we're crying or upset. I'm sure he would speak soothingly to them but I know he would not touch them due to their abuse history.

Thank you for your explanation, zoiecat. My female T is fully aware of my abuse history as well and every time before she physically comforts me, she would tell me that it is just her hand touching me and reassured me that the space is safe. I am sorry to hear about the "freaky" voice that you heard from one of your parts and how other protective parts took over to speak something that you did not want to disclose to your T. I also have a part where she was really mean, she would keep verbally abusing or physically abusing the other parts to hurt them.