Dear T.....I Really Need To Tell You Something (But Don't Know How) Part XXIX

C,

can i hug you tomorrow?
can the little part curl up next to you and just be there all session?

...she misses S.
she misses literally being able to do that with S.

Dear T,

I'm so thankful that it's going to be ok, we've both calmed down, and you're going to keep working with me.

When you sounded so upset, I was really afraid that you were done and you were going to get rid of me. I realised that I don't want to quit like that, when I'm upset and you're upset. Next time that I am really upset over something, I think I will remember that and not threaten to quit therapy. (I wish I could say there won't be a next time, but both of us probably know...)

Satsuma

I haven't slept well in about 5 days now and it's really wearing on me....a lot.

Good idea, thanks.

Dear Dr. S, can I talk to you today? I don't know why, just want to talk to you. It's been over 2wks since I initiated an email. It's hard.

love, me

Your response to my self-proclaimed "therapy-defining email" was anticlimactic. I couldn't tell if you understood or gleaned anything from what I said.

Even so, I have pretty much withered down into little girl territory and just want to feel you there.

I've no idea what to do tomorrow in our session

Dear Terminator T,

Do I keep my appointment tomorrow or play hooky with Christian Grey and go see the latest movie..... Both involve pain..

About to go in. Be kind.

Dear T

Sometimes I think to myself, “oh my life isn’t so painful. It’s actually pretty amazing”. Then I come see you, and in that hour, I just feel ever single painful bruise. I realize that that’s what therapy is about for us right now, but wow, it is terribly exhausting.

I do love you, even though I am forever afraid to tell you. Sorry

Dear T,
When you suggested I journal while you were away, you probably weren't expecting a War and Peace-sized tome. But the way things have been going, that's about what I'm going to end up with. I'm going to need like a whole day with you to process all this (and only some of it directly involves you)--can we have a therapy retreat or something?
LT

Brilliant idea, only I would refuse to share my T with other's so it's a one on one retreat hahaha

I would so love a therapy retreat w my t.

Bubbles,

I've had an epiphany. The whole thing was indeed a subconscious test. The situation wasn't identical, but similar. I got activated at the end of session, RoboT asked if I would be safe, I replied almost identically to the way I replied to you, and he let me go. I was devastated. I was crying out for help, comfort, someone to care, and he couldn't do that for me.

You did, though. I still assert that you took a 7 and turned it into an 11, but you took me seriously. You cared enough to make sure I was safe. You did your job.

So you passed the test. I'm starting to wish we did have a session this week, but I'll be okay. I hope we'll be okay too.

Daisy

My ex t told me that when he was doing his training that they had to spend 24hrs paired up with another...

omg... how many people here would love to do that with their t.... I mean love them or hate them... its a win win.

Oh, I didn't mean other clients would be there :-)

T why haven't I emailed you yet?

My former therapist did a retreat with a bunch of couples who were friends but lived quite far from her. They hired her collectively and put her up at a bed and breakfast in the mountains where they lived. She saw each couple separately for a total of six hours throughout the weekend.

I wold not like that arrangement at all.

24 hours with S... a dream.

24 hours with C... oh dear god hahaha

Bed and breakfasts are my nightmare--H and I discovered we share this nightmare while on our honeymoon and first anniversary trip. Being expected to socialize with the innkeepers and other guests while eating breakfast (and at other times) when you're not morning people is...yeah, not the ideal scenario. Give me a nice anonymous, impersonal hotel, thanks!

P,
I know we rescheduled today's session to Friday because the rest of your clients are too afraid to drive when the winter weather hits, but please don't cancel on me tomorrow too. We're supposed to get a couple more inches of snow, but really. It all melted today, at least on my end of town. I still need your support way more than I should, but I do.

LT - trying to send you a PM, but have to get three posts done first!

Now I'm wondering how long I would last in a totally open-ended session. I bet I would collapse into an unintentional nap on the couch around the three-hour mark. Therapy takes a lot out of me.

Yeah, I don't think I'd last a whole day. Maybe a couple hours, then a couple hour break, then start again? Since I tend to have lots of revelations an hour or two after session.

T,
I'm so afraid that when I see you again, in August nine months after our last session, you will have changed. I mean, everyone changes over time, but what if our therapy relationship isn't the same? What if we lose our connection? What if you've forgotten everything about me... or about me entirely? Do you ever think of me?
I should stop having anxiety about things that are six months away.
Annie