Asking for a transitional object

Has anyone asked their T for a transitional object? How did you bring it up?

I really want a transitional object from my T, but I'm too embarrassed to ask.

I have one, but I think my T mentioned it as a possibility first. She has a bowl of little things in her office (similar to rocks or seashells) that are personal to her background that she gives to clients as transitional objects. I know some people even use little office things like pens or business cards. I had a business card from my former T that became basically a transitional object for me, even though neither of us called it that at the time.

I have used pretty much anything she's given me as a transitional object at one time or another - business cards, emails, voice mails, things she's written in my notebook. The 2 biggest things I use now is a bracelet that I already owned that is very similar to one that she wears, so not even from her. It just reminds me of her. I can look at it and then remember the one on her wrist and how it looks on her wrist. The other is a letter I compiled from her emails to me for my birthday and had her sign.

As far as asking, I can't, couldn't which is why I think I created them all. She brought the concept up to me first even though I had read about it here. At that time, I just kind of shined it on. When I did finally bring it up to her that I did this (created all these transitional objects) she said that maybe we created them together.

I asked my T for a transitional object. At first, she gave me a rock (which I love btw). But I wanted a stuffed animal. She finally agreed! Now I have a rock and stuffed animal. I couldn't be happier. She originally didn't want to give me a stuffed animal only because she thought I wanted a big one. When I explained that I only wanted a small one, she agreed.

I also want a rock and a stuffed animal...

My ex-T would just send me pictures of him. One sitting in the office chair and pictures when he goes on vacation. I have no desire at this time for a transitional object from this new T as I am not attached to him. I actually bought a pack of large polished stones from Brazil and picked a few nice ones out and put them on the table next to the clients chair so they can roll them as a fidget object while in therapy.

He gave me one. I didn't ask. I've had it for 7 years now

It is a stuffed animal moose.

Those of you who have transitional objects... Do they really help? Do they ease the yearning, help you feel connected to your T when you're not with them?

(I'm too embarrassed to ask too...)

My T offered me an object once, but I refused. I don't know why. I just couldn't accept. I said something like, "no thanks, not today," even though I wanted to say yes. I'm so angry with myself. It was in one of our first sessions together, and she hasn't asked since.

Mine told me that it's very common for people to ask and have.

My T gave me a touchstone. It happened I was talking about how I had purchased some serenity stones so carry to help ground myself but I had forgotten mine that day. She had something similar and gave me a small stone. I carry it with me and it does help provide me comfort and calmness.

My T and I were discussing an impending separation - she was going to be gone for 5 weeks with no phone or text contact. I think she brought up the concept of transitional objects ("sometimes people have things that help them remember and feel connected") and I said I had done that before, sort of. I usually carry my T's business card in my wallet, not because I need the info on it just... to have it. I said I had never told anyone (including those previous Ts) that before - usually I just grab a card at some point in the waiting room. The conversation moved on elsewhere at that point.

Toward the end of the session, after assuring me again that she would, indeed, be returning, I asked if she had a business card because there were none out in the waiting room. She jumped up to get one and wrote "I'll be back!" on the top, which really makes it feel special to me. She also invited me to take an acorn from a bowl of them.

I often carry both, because fidgeting acorn is a little more discreet in some ways than a psychologist's business card (e.g. I'm not embarrassed to put it on my desk if a colleague stops by to talk).

I made my own... I bought a little stuffed chameleon and bring it with me to every session. Sometimes, he holds it during sessions. Sometimes, I leave it at his office.

Sometimes. Not always. Sometimes I get mad at it because it is not T. These dang emotions are not logical at all.

For me yes.

One of mine is a note in her handwriting. I asked for a note in her handwriting during a phone check in, and she decided in the next session that we'd craft the words together.

On it are short phrases. One is "you are not just a case number, I care about you as a person" and she signed it and wrote her name.

Looking at it reminds me that she cares, that it's OK to be a part of each others life... (as therapist and client, also I "like" her posts on her public instagram because those glimpses of her help me remember she's real and human)...and that we can have email contact when therapy ends because I want to be able to update her, not totally lose her.

That piece of paper is fragile and worn now so I look at a photo on my smartphone which I took of it.

I asked for my second one too. I wanted to know if I had any good qualities because I feel I have none. It's a calligraphy card from an artist she and I both like, with the words "Beautiful, bold and brave." with reminders to be self compassionate, to be in Wise Mind, to fight my inner critic with her and to "accept harsh realities and know that you're not defined by them alone."

My ex T didn't do transitional objects. I'd wanted her to pick a marble out of several I had to "charge" it. But she said she would have to ask her supervisor first and the supervisor advised that it "fosters dependency" so no... I hesitated to ask current T for a long time because of that.

I have also left items in the office and it is a different feeling for me than having something from her. I can think of it and imagine myself being where it is in her office.

Today he gave me an emoji squish ball. I was having a hard time talking and we was trying different deferent th Bugs to diffuse my anxiety. I like that he had one out for himself too. He let me keep it

I find them extremely helpful. It lets me know that I'm cared about. I hold onto them when I miss her, and I repeat all the reassuring things she's said to me. And if she ever leaves me, I have a part of her that I get to keep.

I was raised with transitional objects. Instead of love from my parents, we had stuffed animals. We got to check out one stuffed animal every night before bed. In the morning, we had to return it. (These were mu parents' stuffed animals; not ours). So stuffed animals have always represented a part of that person.

Yes .It helped me. I slept with it for 5 years. T knew,too. One time he came over and helped me go to bed . I laid on the couch and he brought my blanket and put it on me and gave me the moose, and said here's this little guy. It was the sweetest thing

It also needed to be repaired and he sewed it up for me

It can be the strangest things. My therapist gave me an empty cardboard shipping box with packing material in it that she'd saved, thinking I could use it. There's something about it that feels very grounding and good.

I've never had a transitional object from a T but it makes sense to me how it would work for some people. People exchange gifts and things with symbolic meaning, I don't think it is very different with a T, more just one-sided. If I wanted such an object from a T, would probably say that I would like to have something symbolic that reminds me of them and I can keep with me, and let them choose. I would think their choice of object might also be meaningful in terms of how they see me and our relationship. E.g. do they choose something generic/relatively impersonal, something that represents me, or them in a more specific way?

Also too embarrassed to ask...though I did ask him for a business card in one of our first sessions partly for that reason. He didn't ask why I wanted it, just gave it to me. I have one from MC from an early session on which he'd written the date/time of our next appointment that used to comfort me when I saw it in my wallet. Maybe I should have asked T to write something on his...but I feel weird doing that.

And I had my own stuffed animal (the elephant) that I sort of assigned to MC and would snuggle with sometimes. Well, I guess he assigned it to himself in a way, because when I told him about snuggling with it for comfort when I was upset about something with him, he was like, "The elephant was me, right?" (this was during our second individual session to deal with transference). I've tried a couple for T (ones my D ignores), but none have seemed quite right. Maybe a gazelle or something because he has some wooden ones in his office? Or I guess a fish since he has the betta fish in there, too.

I don't know much about transitional objects. I am very new to therapy. I a, kind of curious why she was okay with a small stuffed animal but not with a big one. Did she say why?

Thank you